What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends like this. Both in their 40s-50s. They just want sex, which they aren't getting in their marriage. They still want to "grow old" with their wife and kids. I'm guessing the end game is their libido will die down in a few years (or no women will want them), then they'll cut if off and go back to their pre-cheating life.

I know a few that are having sex in their marriage (they have said as much), but they all cheat in their circle. From all appearances, they seem to really love their wives. Their wives are pretty, fun-loving, have careers, etc. Midlife crisises are strange.

Most cheaters like this have something internal going on. Issues that having nothing to do with their spouse. Knowing the wives, I can’t imagine any of them would stay married if they found out what was happening behind their backs. They definitely would not be okay with it.

Maybe I’m naive. I read 65% of long marriages will have infidelity at some point.

If I injected you with the testosterone men have, then had your husband deny you sex entirely or limit you to once a month pity sex, you would understand how simple this is for men. I promise you

I didn't understand this until I was reading a story about a trans man who said they didn't understand this until they had more testosterone. (the piece was about more than this but that small part stuck out to me because they were so surprised at the relentlessness of it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Having sex is end game. That’s it. Spouse doesn’t want it, have discussed and she is just completely done and has no desire, nor any desire to see if she could want it again. Have read many books and podcasts to see what I can do, but it is over. So it’s sex. Still want, don’t really want to go for the rest of life without it, but also would rather not divorce as we have kids and are financially stable with a good retirement planned.

So what are you telling the OW? Or are you telling her it’s just for sex?

The classic “once the kids grow up leave” bs I’m sure. And the OW that claim they are in it for just sex always start to push and ask about the future over time.

[Anonymous]

No surprise. Worst thing you can do to another person is waste their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No surprise. Worst thing you can do to another person is waste their time.

In what context? Obviously if you get involved with someone already married you are wasting your time. Find someone single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

[Anonymous]

Solving the lack of physical intimacy problem is the end game. Sure, for some who have plenty of sex at home it’s a lot more than that but for most it’s just being deprived. It’s the same for men and women.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think most people are considering the end game in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

When you see grey divorces I assume this is the case. Men hang around till the youngest leaves for college then they divorce. So men divorce but cheat until the kids are out of the house. Seems fair, why should the kids have to suffer the consequences of divorce just because one parent decides they are done having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

When you see grey divorces I assume this is the case. Men hang around till the youngest leaves for college then they divorce. So men divorce but cheat until the kids are out of the house. Seems fair, why should the kids have to suffer the consequences of divorce just because one parent decides they are done having sex?

The consequences of divorce are lifelong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

When you see grey divorces I assume this is the case. Men hang around till the youngest leaves for college then they divorce. So men divorce but cheat until the kids are out of the house. Seems fair, why should the kids have to suffer the consequences of divorce just because one parent decides they are done having sex?

The consequences of divorce are lifelong.

Not really. My divorce has barely affected my life except in a positive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

When you see grey divorces I assume this is the case. Men hang around till the youngest leaves for college then they divorce. So men divorce but cheat until the kids are out of the house. Seems fair, why should the kids have to suffer the consequences of divorce just because one parent decides they are done having sex?

The consequences of divorce are lifelong.

Not really. My divorce has barely affected my life except in a positive way.

No, hon. Lifelong for the children. You missed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

When you see grey divorces I assume this is the case. Men hang around till the youngest leaves for college then they divorce. So men divorce but cheat until the kids are out of the house. Seems fair, why should the kids have to suffer the consequences of divorce just because one parent decides they are done having sex?

The consequences of divorce are lifelong.

Not really. My divorce has barely affected my life except in a positive way.

No, hon. Lifelong for the children. You missed it.

My toxic marriage was the worst thing for my children. Getting divorced and keeping them with me-not easy as a man-was the best thing. I only regret I didn't do it sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex. Companionship. Physical need. Emotional need.

This will shock woman, but men need attention also. Most often husbands cheat because they are lacking something at home: emotional support/attention, physical need, etc. it's sad generally people think men don't need these things. Thus the issues.

Attachment issues from their childhood. Newsflash: many were getting all of that, including sex. The need for external validation in large amounts stems from childhood wounds. Quit victim blaming.

What victim?

The one getting lied to, gaslit and exposed to diseases without their consent.

Not all wives and marriages are great. Look at all the posts from unsatisfied men. Some women are just not great wives -
Lazy, nag, never want sex, spendthrifts, emotionally cold. Why is this woman always the victim? Seems like husband cheating is karma. Not all wives are victims.

Then get a friggin divorce.

+1000. End of thread. I don't why this stupid argument keeps on recurring when the solution is just divorce. It's not easy to go through it but the right solution. Who cares if monogamy is difficult for you or you believe your wife isn't doing x/yx/z in a marriage---go fu..ing divorce her. It's the selfish people who post on here to justify cheating because. ...pick a reason. Who cares about your reasons?

Most men who cheat do so because lack of sex from an uninterested wife. The sexless wife wants to stay married. Why should HE divorce? If you don’t want sex and don’t want him cheating, YOU go get the divorce.

[Anonymous]

For men like me in my mid-40s, it's more about satisfying a need that I do not get from my wife who is really, REALLY disinterested in sex (like 6-12x a year, in a good year, and get it over with). The end game is that I assume my libido will die down (it already has somewhat from my 20s and 30s) and maybe in a few years I won't care that much and we will live happily ever after.

The question of why I don't divorce is obvious. Kids and finances and stability. I tend to agree with the previous poster, if my wife doesn't want to have sex, she can divorce me, which of course she won't for the same reason.

Why do so many people care how men in sexless marriages handle this issue? It doesn't affect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For men like me in my mid-40s, it's more about satisfying a need that I do not get from my wife who is really, REALLY disinterested in sex (like 6-12x a year, in a good year, and get it over with). The end game is that I assume my libido will die down (it already has somewhat from my 20s and 30s) and maybe in a few years I won't care that much and we will live happily ever after.

The question of why I don't divorce is obvious. Kids and finances and stability. I tend to agree with the previous poster, if my wife doesn't want to have sex, she can divorce me, which of course she won't for the same reason.

Why do so many people care how men in sexless marriages handle this issue? It doesn't affect you.

You are only one person. The vast majority of cheaters are getting weekly sex at home. They aren’t in miserable marriages. They (gasp) even love their wives.