Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

+1 (also Bangladeshi) This entire thread, and all of OP's ramblings, can be summed up by this one comment.

Op here. He's a phd but with numbers 😆 I spoke to him again and he said that was more relevant to his mom. Remember most Bangladeshis don't have premarital sex and he's a man. He wasn't factoring in periods and he didn't have premarital sex so I'm assuming that means he didn't have a chance to see what was under a girl's dress. His sister told me today she's embarrassed to buy underwear. She's 37 and has a master's degree. I think the culture is very different. Sometimes I am convinced he's pulling my leg but then I find out other information later and realize it really is a culture difference. The last trip I remember what I took away most was this feeling that I traveled back in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

This.
I come from a state in India where a lot of people migrate to the Middle East to work in low-level jobs like maids, drivers, construction and so on. They all send money back to their families and there are entire small villages full of neat homes with all modern amenities. The families of those who migrate to the West do even better.

This is a rather pathetic flex. Like all the mexicans who send US earnings back home.
Make your own country better so that you can earn there. There are some amazing Indian entrepreneurs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

+1 (also Bangladeshi) This entire thread, and all of OP's ramblings, can be summed up by this one comment.

Op here. He's a phd but with numbers 😆 I spoke to him again and he said that was more relevant to his mom. Remember most Bangladeshis don't have premarital sex and he's a man. He wasn't factoring in periods and he didn't have premarital sex so I'm assuming that means he didn't have a chance to see what was under a girl's dress. His sister told me today she's embarrassed to buy underwear. She's 37 and has a master's degree. I think the culture is very different. Sometimes I am convinced he's pulling my leg but then I find out other information later and realize it really is a culture difference. The last trip I remember what I took away most was this feeling that I traveled back in time.

Thank you for reinforcing my statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

+1 (also Bangladeshi) This entire thread, and all of OP's ramblings, can be summed up by this one comment.

Bangus unite!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

+1 (also Bangladeshi) This entire thread, and all of OP's ramblings, can be summed up by this one comment.

Bangus unite!

Yes, unite and start an AMA. There's obviously interest. OP's thread has been a treat.

[Anonymous]

I think the Bangladeshis in this thread are from cities and used to higher standards of living. From what OP posts, her husband is from a rural area and raised lower middle class and then he came to the US. That explains why he sounds like an idiot. He is still stuck in a different era.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the Bangladeshis in this thread are from cities and used to higher standards of living. From what OP posts, her husband is from a rural area and raised lower middle class and then he came to the US. That explains why he sounds like an idiot. He is still stuck in a different era.

Op here. But that makes them affluent. Would you say the affluent people in the US have better views? Are the middle class in the US idiots? It doesn't sound fair to me. Bangladesh is also bigger than Dhaka. I don't think living in Dhaka and having more money makes people typical thinking. His city is also not rural. There are nice larger apartments around. I wonder what you think of the Rickshaw drives here. So much of this post has been about determining his social class. Who cares what social class he's in? I look around and the neighbor's homes all look similar.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the Bangladeshis in this thread are from cities and used to higher standards of living. From what OP posts, her husband is from a rural area and raised lower middle class and then he came to the US. That explains why he sounds like an idiot. He is still stuck in a different era.

Op here. But that makes them affluent. Would you say the affluent people in the US have better views? Are the middle class in the US idiots? It doesn't sound fair to me. Bangladesh is also bigger than Dhaka. I don't think living in Dhaka and having more money makes people typical thinking. His city is also not rural. There are nice larger apartments around. I wonder what you think of the Rickshaw drives here. So much of this post has been about determining his social class. Who cares what social class he's in? I look around and the neighbor's homes all look similar.
.

Lady, you’ve been crapping all over your husband and his family for almost 40 pages, what is this nonsense above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the Bangladeshis in this thread are from cities and used to higher standards of living. From what OP posts, her husband is from a rural area and raised lower middle class and then he came to the US. That explains why he sounds like an idiot. He is still stuck in a different era.

Op here. But that makes them affluent. Would you say the affluent people in the US have better views? Are the middle class in the US idiots? It doesn't sound fair to me. Bangladesh is also bigger than Dhaka. I don't think living in Dhaka and having more money makes people typical thinking. His city is also not rural. There are nice larger apartments around. I wonder what you think of the Rickshaw drives here. So much of this post has been about determining his social class. Who cares what social class he's in? I look around and the neighbor's homes all look similar.
.

Lady, you’ve been crapping all over your husband and his family for almost 40 pages, what is this nonsense above?

Op here. I have been observing. I haven't said anything that's not true. I am posting about my experience. I have been nothing but nice to his family. Their government is the problem not his social class. The amount of trash is alarming. Their government won't do anything about it and this isn't an issue specific to his city which is a major city. I think the people posting that Bangladesh is more modern are embarrassed or haven't traveled to Bangladesh. I have been here long enough and traveled to Dhaka enough times to know what it's like. I have been to at least 15 plus apartments from DH's family and I know most aren't lower middle class. They send their kids to expensive schools. Two have large textile businesses and their kitchens are similar to the one I photographed.

Most of my husband's family attended college and they are still living like this. I think there are a lot of uniformed Indians who don't realize most of Bangladesh is living in a different era. Read a travel blog from someone who visited Bangladesh and you will see. They visit Dhaka which is supposed to be the most developed city in Bangladesh and right away they are shocked. I really don't think this is a case of nice pockets of a city vs bad. Look at the distance I travel from to Dhaka. I am seeing a lot of area during the drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't visit my husband's family until 5 years after we married in the US. They came here for the wedding. It was a cultural shock that my husband didn't prepare me for AT ALL. We arrived, and I had no idea I wouldn't have access to running shower water that's warm/ hot. I had to take bucket showers by combining boiled water with cold water. We stayed for a month so it's a huge pain. Hygiene is relaxed....... I rarely see anyone washing their hands with soap.. they use water... I can't prepare my own food here because it's way more complicated. There aren't washers and dryers, and kids get their clothes dirty frequently. DH also made a big deal about only taking TWO luggage for 4 people. I can't go anywhere alone because I don't speak the language and it would be very easy to get lost and not know how to find his family's house. They don't have AC or heaters, and we visit in the winter... there are openings in the door and windows to let in fresh air so it's always cold in the winter... feels like I am semi- camping... this is mainly a vent post... i probably sound like a snob, but it's so hard living like this for a month... dh is also annoying because he doesn't like going out when we are here due to traffic, but we are bored and HUNGRY.. eating boxed food i.e. noddles, pancakes get old after a week... the closest grocery store that has ready food i.e. chicken nuggets and stuff like that is 3 hours away.. I told DH I wanted to go to this store (similar to a western supermarket) when we were coming from the airport, and he kept saying they have grocery stores closer to his house... guess what? We went, and they don't have anything our kids will eat. I already knew this would happen because this isn't our first trip. I don't want to come across as entitled, but we are from a totally different background and need to feel comfortable and have food options.. it feels like he's going out of his way to not make us feel comfortable .... he's also making it a big deal we want to go out for clothes shopping. he's such a PITA

All I can say is yeah this sounds like a miserable experience for a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

Op here. His sister specifically asked me for these items from the US. My other SIL was also smiling and seemed happy when I gave her the items. We of course also gifted with other stuff including longchamp bags. I think you don't understand how much space they don't have in this space and the fact that underwear has to be hidden since they don't use dryers is ridiculous. Here is my cooking situation. Whenever dh has family visit and new people arrive every day I make them a pancake with jam. They seem happy and I feel like I am contributing. Almost everything I need I can't do myself. They don't want me touching the outlets. Also, another thing I noticed that proves Dhaka isn't modern is the electrical lines. They are a mess!! It looks like a fire waiting to happen. It's so shocking!!

https://ibb.co/rb3bfpG

They asked you for underwear from the US because it’s better quality than what they buy locally, not because they don’t wear any underwear otherwise. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

This.
I come from a state in India where a lot of people migrate to the Middle East to work in low-level jobs like maids, drivers, construction and so on. They all send money back to their families and there are entire small villages full of neat homes with all modern amenities. The families of those who migrate to the West do even better.

Op here. I think his family feels like their house is modern. Did you see the picture of the house they lived in just 6 and ago? This one is a HUGE upgrade. His family isn't poor by Bengali standards because they aren't living in bamboo houses and driving rickshaws but by US standards it feels like that. Maybe this is how they wanted the modern house to look like? It was newly constructed. Why dh didn't insist on something better I have no idea but remodeling this house may be hard. They got an AC a year ago and a huge deep freezer 4 years ago. I have been cooking the pancakes on that. There is a ton of meat and fish in the freezer.

What do they do with the freezer when the power goes out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

There is and has been no war of any sort between India and Bangladesh. India was the one that helped liberate East Pakistan, which later became Bangladesh.

op here. DH's father was a freedom fighter and I thought he told me the party was fighting to gain Independence for India. Possibly Jugantar party? He had talked about his dad being a freedom fighter several times, butmaybe it has more to do with Muslim vs Hindu and he thinks Indians look down on Muslims.

Your stereotyping is becoming comical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the Bangladeshis in this thread are from cities and used to higher standards of living. From what OP posts, her husband is from a rural area and raised lower middle class and then he came to the US. That explains why he sounds like an idiot. He is still stuck in a different era.

Op here. But that makes them affluent. Would you say the affluent people in the US have better views? Are the middle class in the US idiots? It doesn't sound fair to me. Bangladesh is also bigger than Dhaka. I don't think living in Dhaka and having more money makes people typical thinking. His city is also not rural. There are nice larger apartments around. I wonder what you think of the Rickshaw drives here. So much of this post has been about determining his social class. Who cares what social class he's in? I look around and the neighbor's homes all look similar.
.

Lady, you’ve been crapping all over your husband and his family for almost 40 pages, what is this nonsense above?

Whole thread is her nonsense and tropes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most interesting threads of DCUM, thank you OP. You once mentioned your relatives have several gardens. Can you support them with gardening? You would at least get out of the house.

I finally got out and took a rickshaw with just Dh. We went to a restaurant. I like rickshaws more than auto cars. You can see more!! Something just clicked and I think I adjusted. Maybe it takes a few weeks to adjust. It's less busy out today as it's considered a weekend day even though it's Friday daytime. Tomorrow we are going to Dhaka. It's weird being here because I am not stressed like I am in the US but at the same time, I am uncomfortable. It probably has something to do with family being around to look after the kids. Even on vacations in the US, I get stressed. My kids are always demanding something. People move slower here. They are so much more easygoing and relaxed. It takes forever to check out when buying stuff but the cashier seems so relaxed about it. I'm patient and fine with it but dh seems annoyed.

Friday is a holiday in Muslim countries.