Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

It's less expensive to travel after winter break. We spent 5k on flights. If we did it during winter break it would have been double. Summer isn't an option due to the heat and our son's asthma. I don't think you're south asian because they know staying for a month is typical but they don't take these trips every year. They save up PTO. Europeans also take month-long vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something

Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.

This profligate spending would break up my marriage.

OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.

In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.

I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.

Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA don't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something

Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.

This profligate spending would break up my marriage.

OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.

In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.

I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.

Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA don't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.

DP
You have been given many proposals about what to do in your 55 page thread about life in Bangladesh.

It’s clear you don’t or won’t change a thing.

You’re just posting what you think are clever observations about your supposed husbands supposed emerging market family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One cute thing I heard is a phrase they use here sometimes. It's something about if Allah wills it this plane will land and we will all eat fish and rice. I think they probably change it depending on the situation. Some Bengali people eat fish every day and they mainly get it from rivers. During the rainy season, I was told that poor people like it because they can catch fish from their houses since they build their houses on stilts.

In my husband's city, they built the main road that connects to the toll road so high due to flooding but they don't have
guardrails. So if your car goes over you're most likely dead. It's pretty far up. The driver was trying to drive on the shoulder yesterday and I asked him to stop doing that. First I asked Dh to speak to him but Dh told me it was "normal". Our two kids weren't with us and the seat belts here don't feel as tight. It was so frustrating but I'm glad I spoke up. I have to be more observant here because Dh doesn't seem to care. In the US he's paranoid about safety and stuff I don't worry about. In some ways, I understand him more coming here but in other ways, he doesn't seem Bangali.

How cute!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

Unclear if either of them has an actual job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

Unclear if either of them has an actual job.

Why is this relevant? Taking a month off isn't a huge deal. As I said many times we don't do this every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something

Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.

This profligate spending would break up my marriage.

OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.

In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.

I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.

Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA don't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.

DP
You have been given many proposals about what to do in your 55 page thread about life in Bangladesh.

It’s clear you don’t or won’t change a thing.

You’re just posting what you think are clever observations about your supposed husbands supposed emerging market family.

This is OP. Please be specific. Some people have suggested I leave early. Some have suggested going to a hotel. Some suggested never returning. You're just trying to stir up things. At this point, I have 2 days left, and as I said in the title this was a vent post because there isn't a lot I can do unless I left early but I chose not to do that so we didn't offend his family. It also would have been expensive to do that. When DH said the divorce thing he was but I knew he wasn't serious. I spoke to him about not threatening divorce again. It's not like we can do marriage counseling here and because these trips have only happened every 5 years I am trying not to worry about it. There has been a lot of good advice that I have copied so I can read it later. I think the best advice has been from people who have been in similar situations. Reading about something and experiencing yourself is very different. When we stayed with SIL there was less dust. I think it's indoor dust that is causing the most problems for DS. I do love DH's family so it's hard because the trip isn't all bad. I think the best solution is to stay for 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

It's less expensive to travel after winter break. We spent 5k on flights. If we did it during winter break it would have been double. Summer isn't an option due to the heat and our son's asthma. I don't think you're south asian because they know staying for a month is typical but they don't take these trips every year. They save up PTO. Europeans also take month-long vacations.

So cool OP!

Absolutely wouldn’t work for either of our jobs or our kids schedules.

Must be yet another big difference between you and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something

Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.

This profligate spending would break up my marriage.

OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.

In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.

I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.

Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA don't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.

DP
You have been given many proposals about what to do in your 55 page thread about life in Bangladesh.

It’s clear you don’t or won’t change a thing.

You’re just posting what you think are clever observations about your supposed husbands supposed emerging market family.

This is OP. Please be specific. Some people have suggested I leave early. Some have suggested going to a hotel. Some suggested never returning. You're just trying to stir up things. At this point, I have 2 days left, and as I said in the title this was a vent post because there isn't a lot I can do unless I left early but I chose not to do that so we didn't offend his family. It also would have been expensive to do that. When DH said the divorce thing he was but I knew he wasn't serious. I spoke to him about not threatening divorce again. It's not like we can do marriage counseling here and because these trips have only happened every 5 years I am trying not to worry about it. There has been a lot of good advice that I have copied so I can read it later. I think the best advice has been from people who have been in similar situations. Reading about something and experiencing yourself is very different. When we stayed with SIL there was less dust. I think it's indoor dust that is causing the most problems for DS. I do love DH's family so it's hard because the trip isn't all bad. I think the best solution is to stay for 2 weeks.

Save your “pls be specific” BS for someone else.

Your manufactured posts and sock puppet accolades have asked & answered multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

Unclear if either of them has an actual job.

Why is this relevant? Taking a month off isn't a huge deal. As I said many times we don't do this every year.

I’ll take that as a No. thx for another BS non-response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

Unclear if either of them has an actual job.

Why is this relevant? Taking a month off isn't a huge deal. As I said many times we don't do this every year.

I’ll take that as a No. thx for another BS non-response.

Many internationals do this, especially Indians. You must not be in IT or friends with Indians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You’re not factoring in anything not doing anything. And you’re supposedly in the middle of nowhere for 4 weeks after winter break? No one works. No one goes to a real school. Just write poetry on dcum every couple days. Rile up the SE Asians.

Unclear if either of them has an actual job.

At some point I believe OP said her husband is a pharmacology researcher and she’s a hospital social worker. She did say she was working remotely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something

Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.

This profligate spending would break up my marriage.

OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.

In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.

I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.

Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA don't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.

They don’t divorce easily but they what, joke about it? Again, I would never be with someone who ever said they would divorce me, serious or not, without therapy. It’s manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something

Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.

This profligate spending would break up my marriage.

OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.

In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.

I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.

Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA doesn't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.

They don’t divorce easily but they what, joke about it? Again, I would never be with someone who ever said they would divorce me, serious or not, without therapy. It’s manipulation.

Op here. I don't think they joke about it unless they move to Western countries where it's easier to get divorced. That said I do think people in cultures where divorce is taboo take each other for granted more because they know there is very little chance of getting a divorce.
I remember the last trip at the visa counter two men asked where I was from and told me not to worry because Bengal men never leave their wives 😆

I know I complained a lot but I do want to say DH's family has been amazing at trying to make us comfortable. They ordered tons of bottled water before we came. They brought a guy here to climb up a coconut tree so we could all have fresh coconut water. They gave us tons of gifts. Everyone has been so nice. I would be so happy if they were living in the US. My two sisters-in-laws are the sweetest. The trip would be so much harder if I didn't get along with his family. Yesterday we attended a wedding and we had a chance to see an agriculture field. I also pushed DH to visit more restaurants and we visited the Ghusual area in Dhaka too because so people recommended that.

[Anonymous]

Op, relax, it's probably all one person trying to make it seem like everyone hates this thread.

It probably isn't, but I am definitely not you, and I enjoy this thread a lot, and there is plenty of other reading material on DCUM if people don't want to read this.