He is smart. DH’s family reports back on his spending so he always gets asked for money |
Her DH probably paid for it |
I was born and raised in India. Although I have lived here for the vast majority of my life (35+ years), when I go back, I still bathe with a bucket and a mug. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. My DD, especially when she was young, actually enjoyed playing in water that way. You can 100% get clean this way. If you share where in the world you are, I bet people will have suggestions for what you can do to make this more pleasant. In general though, you may have to cook food. There are no parts of the world where you are going to get sick from eating hot foods, especially prepared at home. |
What? You get UTIs from bathing using a bucket? |
I'd be booking it to a hotel even if it's 3 hours away or leaving. sorry, OP. |
OP here. I don't think it's a priority... they grew up this way and I don't think there is a way to mix the water so it's warm like in the US. They have a water boiler, but the water comes out extremely hot, and then there is a cold water faucet as well. In the bathroom, the cold and hot water faucets are separated. During our last visit, they didn't have a water heater in the bathroom.. it's basically like having a tea kettle in the bathroom.. it helps, but you still have to use a bucket to wash yourself... I bought a camping portable shower this time, and it helps, but it's a lot of water to set it up....... my back hurts by the time I get it all set up. we have two kids so I need to do this for 3 people. i know eating chicken nuggets isn't healthy but its easier for the kids because they can't eat the local food here.. it's too spicy. Buying raw meat here is more complicated and hygenie is also a concern ... you have to clean and prepare all the seasonings.. they don't have an oven.. I am going to go to sleep now... vent over.. dh's family is very nice so at least I am blessed with that. |
Yeah, this isn't relevant. You were born there. You're essentially like her DH. For most people 99 percent it would be a pretty big deal to do that for a month. |
She grew up in the US.. most Americans have no idea there are still countries without warm shower water. Her husband should have informed her about this. That's really sh*** of him. |
Then maybe I should tell you about my white SIL who was born and raised in NJ and has no problems doing the same. She changes into local clothes the moment she gets there, takes rickshaws to get around (by herself! without knowing the language!), and knows the town better than I do at this point, because she goes out and explores. Hell, OP can conscript a family member or neighbors, especially teenagers, if her husband is not willing to take her out. The purpose of a bath is to get clean. It doesn't make a big difference, whether the water comes out of a shower, or out of a bucket. Pour water, soap yourself, rinse off, and you're done. It's even easier with little kids. They can play in the water, and you can let them stand in the bucket and play. BTDT with my DD who was born and raised here, and has no problems adjusting when we go there for a month at a time. There is so much helplessness here that is unnecessary. If DH is being an a$$hole, dump him, and find someone else to help out when you're there. |
It doesn't sound like their first time there, so she did know??? |
+1 Did DH tell you that the stay was basically camping? I would not be upset if I was warned before I packed/departed. |
OP, you sounds really spoiled. You actually sound a lot like the "children of immigrant" american kids who go back to visit their parents home countries and then freak out at the differences. I'm, one, by the way. I've used buckets to bathe for a month at a time. If you do it right, you actually get much, much cleaner than a typical shower. I agree that when it's cold, bukcet baths are harder. It's all very good for your soul. You will survive. You may realize you need less. |
That does sound really rough, OP. You can bring it up to your husband but he probably won’t change because he doesn’t want his family to think he’s changed or feels he’s above his origins or is raising his kids to look down on how he was raised.
Can you work on learning the language? Ask your in-laws to teach you how to cook their way? I wouldn’t worry too much about the kids’ hygiene tbh; kids usually love the horrifying (to adults) aspects of camping and won’t care if they take a weird shower once a week. Are there public baths? When I’ve visited places where bathing with a bucket was common, the public bathhouses were usually so much nicer than home options. Failing all that, can you organize if so future trips are mostly you DH bringing the kids (maybe one at a time each time he visits) while you stay home? Then DH and his family get special bonding time with each child and you don’t have to deal with roughing it for a month at a time. As the kids get older this will make travel a bit easier and plausible excuses for why one of them can’t come (and you have to stay home) more realistic. |
So you've been before? I would go home. Your husband is an utter AH. I've been to India and had to be insanely careful with food and water in pretty luxurious accommodations. Still got "delhi belly" and one person on the trip ended up inpatient on IV from illness. It's very serious for our systems which are simply not accustomed. Not enough food or warmth is ridiculous for kids. I would be on the warpath for my kids. Also, completely understand that you just can't "go out". Anyone suggesting that is a native or obtuse. It's just not that easy. Go home. Get your kids, a credit card and get someone's help to call a driver to the airport right now. |
You’ve posted before. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, but next time just join DH for a week. |