Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Couldn’t tell you the whole history of it but India is DEF having Hindu vs Muslim issues right now bc of a very pro Hindu government. So Muslims everywhere but esp in that region are very anti India since it is a Hindu majority nation. So not surprised re your Muslim DHs reaction of this. FWIW it isn’t my sense that all Indian Hindus are soooo against Muslims in daily life - just like all Americans aren’t sooo pro MAGA/Trump but when that’s the government in power people start to assume an entire nation feels a certain way.

This. I'm Hindu and I don't know, I feel bothered by all the pomp and show with the Ram Mandir inauguration. Couldn't they have built the temple anywhere else in Ayodhya. It seems like the ruling party wants India to be a Hindu only nation and it has never been that way. SMH.

Not surprised by her DH's reaction given current state of affairs in India. Modi is the Indian version of Trump. MIGA instead of MAGA.

To be fair, Modi’s neighbors are Pakistan and China. It’s not like the U.S. is surrounded by hostile nuclear powers encroaching on its territory and sending terrorists in. Modi also doesn’t assault women or commit financial crimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
100% agree. I'm an UC 59 year old and there's no way I would have gone, and I'm married to a person born in a 3rd world country (India). Fortunately, he has no desire to go back.

The number of snooty (and often racist) white women who marry Indian men (I guess for the money and to be “UC”) and then hold their noses about visiting India never ceases to amaze me.

Is this a trend? I had no clue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I couldn’t tell you the whole history of it, but India is definitely having Hindu vs Muslim issues right now bc of a very pro-Hindu government. So Muslims everywhere but esp in that region are very anti India since it is a Hindu majority nation. So not surprised re your Muslim DHs reaction of this. FWIW it isn’t my sense that all Indian Hindus are soooo against Muslims in daily life - just like all Americans aren’t sooo pro MAGA/Trump but when that’s the government in power people start to assume an entire nation feels a certain way.

This. I'm Hindu and I don't know, I feel bothered by all the pomp and show with the Ram Mandir inauguration. Couldn't they have built the temple anywhere else in Ayodhya. It seems like the ruling party wants India to be a Hindu only nation and it has never been that way. SMH.

Not surprised by her DH's reaction given current state of affairs in India. Modi is the Indian version of Trump. MIGA instead of MAGA.

OP here. The ironic thing is DH and I live in a majority-Indian community in the US, and we decided to live there because there are so many SE Asians. Indians are good neighbors. DH looks like them, so weirdly, he "fits in". At our kid's birthday party, it was 90 percent Indian American children. The men in the community already have a social circle and speak another language at the bus stop. Dh probably feels like he won't fit in well with them. I am not sure. My husband is very introverted. We have moved around a ton and have only been living in this new community for about a year. It's a small townhouse community. Both of our neighbors attached to us are Indian. There are (2) Bengali families in the neighborhood but DH hasn't connected with them yet. He's kind of shy. I have actually introduced him to Bengali families in other cities we have lived in because I met Bengali women through children activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Couldn’t tell you the whole history of it but India is DEF having Hindu vs Muslim issues right now bc of a very pro Hindu government. So Muslims everywhere but esp in that region are very anti India since it is a Hindu majority nation. So not surprised re your Muslim DHs reaction of this. FWIW it isn’t my sense that all Indian Hindus are soooo against Muslims in daily life - just like all Americans aren’t sooo pro MAGA/Trump but when that’s the government in power people start to assume an entire nation feels a certain way.

This. I'm Hindu and I don't know, I feel bothered by all the pomp and show with the Ram Mandir inauguration. Couldn't they have built the temple anywhere else in Ayodhya. It seems like the ruling party wants India to be a Hindu only nation and it has never been that way. SMH.

Not surprised by her DH's reaction given current state of affairs in India. Modi is the Indian version of Trump. MIGA instead of MAGA.

To be fair, Modi’s neighbors are Pakistan and China. It’s not like the U.S. is surrounded by hostile nuclear powers encroaching on its territory and sending terrorists in. Modi also doesn’t assault women or commit financial crimes.

OP here. I spoke to DH, and he says his dad was a 1971 freedom father. He also said while India did help with independence, they also took a lot of Bangladesh's assets after the war. He also said India doesn't treat Bangladesh as a friend but instead as a subordinate. DH is pretty good with world history. He also spends hours everyday listening to the news about the war in Gaza.

[Anonymous]

I’m curious about what assets he says India took.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop the month long visits. It will not work to take a month off during once your oldest kid hits middle school. It certainly won’t work in high school.

For jobs, assuming you and your husband work in professional jobs, a month long vacation may be tolerated but it’s disruptive to the organization and will not endear you to your management.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the most interesting threads of DCUM, thank you OP. You once mentioned your relatives have several gardens. Can you support them with gardening? You would at least get out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
100% agree. I'm an UC 59 year old and there's no way I would have gone, and I'm married to a person born in a 3rd world country (India). Fortunately, he has no desire to go back.

The number of snooty (and often racist) white women who marry Indian men (I guess for the money and to be “UC”) and then hold their noses about visiting India never ceases to amaze me.

Is this a trend? I had no clue

Op here. Have no idea what that's about. Marrying Dh didn't make us UL. Maybe women who marry doctors? I married Dh because I loved him. He didn't have a car or any assets. Maybe the women seem snooty because they are frustrated by cultural differences. I think it's not likely someone who married outside their race can be racist against the culture they married into. That's just silly. Some of my white neighbors probably think I am racist against white people because I socialize more with indians at the bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious about what assets he says India took.

He says they stole gold that belonged to the government bank in case of disasters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most interesting threads of DCUM, thank you OP. You once mentioned your relatives have several gardens. Can you support them with gardening? You would at least get out of the house.

I finally got out and took a rickshaw with just Dh. We went to a restaurant. I like rickshaws more than auto cars. You can see more!! Something just clicked and I think I adjusted. Maybe it takes a few weeks to adjust. It's less busy out today as it's considered a weekend day even though it's Friday daytime. Tomorrow we are going to Dhaka. It's weird being here because I am not stressed like I am in the US but at the same time, I am uncomfortable. It probably has something to do with family being around to look after the kids. Even on vacations in the US, I get stressed. My kids are always demanding something. People move slower here. They are so much more easygoing and relaxed. It takes forever to check out when buying stuff but the cashier seems so relaxed about it. I'm patient and fine with it but dh seems annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
100% agree. I'm an UC 59 year old and there's no way I would have gone, and I'm married to a person born in a 3rd world country (India). Fortunately, he has no desire to go back.

The number of snooty (and often racist) white women who marry Indian men (I guess for the money and to be “UC”) and then hold their noses about visiting India never ceases to amaze me.

Is this a trend? I had no clue

Op here. Have no idea what that's about. Marrying Dh didn't make us UL. Maybe women who marry doctors? I married Dh because I loved him. He didn't have a car or any assets. Maybe the women seem snooty because they are frustrated by cultural differences. I think it's not likely someone who married outside their race can be racist against the culture they married into. That's just silly. Some of my white neighbors probably think I am racist against white people because I socialize more with indians at the bus stop.

People absolutely can be racist against a culture they married into. Heck, some people are racist against their OWN cultures.

[Anonymous]

Where did your husband learn English? Who is translating for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

+1 (also Bangladeshi) This entire thread, and all of OP's ramblings, can be summed up by this one comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

I’m Bangladeshi and your husband sounds like an idiot.

+1 (also Bangladeshi) This entire thread, and all of OP's ramblings, can be summed up by this one comment.

Well I am enjoying her ramblings. It feels very honest and real. She's only speaking for herself. Feel free to share your perceptions of Bangladesh