Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something


Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.


This profligate spending would break up my marriage.


OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.


In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.


I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.


Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA doesn't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.



They don’t divorce easily but they what, joke about it? Again, I would never be with someone who ever said they would divorce me, serious or not, without therapy. It’s manipulation.


Op here. I don't think they joke about it unless they move to Western countries where it's easier to get divorced. That said I do think people in cultures where divorce is taboo take each other for granted more because they know there is very little chance of getting a divorce.
I remember the last trip at the visa counter two men asked where I was from and told me not to worry because Bengal men never leave their wives 😆

I know I complained a lot but I do want to say DH's family has been amazing at trying to make us comfortable. They ordered tons of bottled water before we came. They brought a guy here to climb up a coconut tree so we could all have fresh coconut water. They gave us tons of gifts. Everyone has been so nice. I would be so happy if they were living in the US. My two sisters-in-laws are the sweetest. The trip would be so much harder if I didn't get along with his family. Yesterday we attended a wedding and we had a chance to see an agriculture field. I also pushed DH to visit more restaurants and we visited the Ghusual area in Dhaka too because so people recommended that.



Thanks OP- will miss your updates.
What was so special about the agriculture field?
Also looks like Gulshan was not to be missed, according to this video. I'm going to check out her other videos too. Was your experience similar?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something


Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.


This profligate spending would break up my marriage.


OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.


In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.


I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.


Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA doesn't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.



They don’t divorce easily but they what, joke about it? Again, I would never be with someone who ever said they would divorce me, serious or not, without therapy. It’s manipulation.


Op here. I don't think they joke about it unless they move to Western countries where it's easier to get divorced. That said I do think people in cultures where divorce is taboo take each other for granted more because they know there is very little chance of getting a divorce.
I remember the last trip at the visa counter two men asked where I was from and told me not to worry because Bengal men never leave their wives 😆

I know I complained a lot but I do want to say DH's family has been amazing at trying to make us comfortable. They ordered tons of bottled water before we came. They brought a guy here to climb up a coconut tree so we could all have fresh coconut water. They gave us tons of gifts. Everyone has been so nice. I would be so happy if they were living in the US. My two sisters-in-laws are the sweetest. The trip would be so much harder if I didn't get along with his family. Yesterday we attended a wedding and we had a chance to see an agriculture field. I also pushed DH to visit more restaurants and we visited the Ghusual area in Dhaka too because so people recommended that.



Thanks OP- will miss your updates.
What was so special about the agriculture field?
Also looks like Gulshan was not to be missed, according to this video. I'm going to check out her other videos too. Was your experience similar?


Op here. It was more crowded when I went. I didn't see any traffic police in the video which is interesting because I haven't noticed any traffic lights here and DH said the traffic police act as traffic lights here. When I was in Uttera I saw a lot of traffic police. Maybe she's on a main road that doesn't allow autos and rickshaws. I liked the affluent areas but it's not the "real" Bangladesh. Dh didn't want to go. He has strong feelings about helping the poor and I think being in rich areas in Bangladesh gives him bad feelings because those families probably have a more western life style while the others are living like I have been describing. It's very different than typical US living vs having a large house. I don't have strong feelings about rich lifestyles in the US for example.Most of us have comfortable showers, and AC and the electricity doesn't go out a lot. During my stay, it went out at least 5 times. The US embassy was a lot larger than I thought it would be. I don't agree that Bangladesh is diverse at least not racially. I'm not sure what she meant. I have seen one white person here during my entire stay and everyone else has been Bengali. I also think the government should focus on improving Bangladesh by removing the local people's trash out of sight instead of providing luxurious stays for foreigners. She mentioned how they should focus on tourism.

One thing that is for sure is the US doesn't care about Bangladesh having a democracy. I heard that from many of DH's family. They also say India bullies Bangladesh. Bangladesh wants to build a better system to help with flooding and China wants to help but India is standing in the way according to DH and some other Bengalis living here. They say because India wants them to rely on them. If I only stayed in the rich areas with nice hotels I am sure my experience would be so different!

I am hoping I don't have typhoid fever again. I started getting chills and a few other symptoms. Fingers crossed I return back without getting sick and I can go back to work on Wednesday.
Anonymous
I posted the video above- here's the same host with the more crowded and dirty parts of Dhaka.

She's an adorable solo Indian woman. I'm surprised how much the signs and talking are in English. Also she hits some sexist stuff and then has a sweet time at the 20 minute mark.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your husband. I didn’t read all 50 pages, but when visiting his family you should follow his lead. Let your children live the way his family does, and respect his intention not to show up with too many possessions. You can stand to be a little “bored” for a month. Focus on trying to learn the language or something


Op here. Easier said than done. Our son has asthma and he hasn't stopped coughing since we landed. The kids have also not been eating well and dh doesn't seem to mind because he's used to the food here. Every time a visitor comes to visit from his family I notice he gives a big stack of money. I think DH is stressed because of the amount of money we are expected to give here. If he can give everyone cash we should be able to buy clothing. I work FT. At first, I went along with it but then I decided to go shopping. I bought clothing for the kids and gold earrings for several people in my family. Dh is the type of person who thinks I should give all the extra money to the poor even though we don't have our house paid off yet. I do that sometimes but I also like to save money and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Dh is too extreme. He's also spending a lot of money to build a mosque in Bangladesh. They have tons of mosques here and Saudi Arabia just donated one in his city. Women aren't allowed to go to the mosques here. I think that's more of a South Asian thing due to overpopulation but I still find it absurd. They could find a way for women to be involved if they cared about making things fair.


This profligate spending would break up my marriage.


OP has described over 55 pages how little her husband cares about them. But now that she knows what he’s really like, doesn’t explain what she’s going to do about it when she gets home. I guarantee if my husband dragged my kid somewhere and then didn’t care about the kid coughing or eating we’d be having a very tough conversation when we got home.


In another thread she talked about how he threatened to divorce her if she didn’t go on one of the trips to Bangladesh. OP just likes to complain. She’s not going to anything about anything.


I know. I called her out on that too and she conveniently ignored.


Op here. So what do you propose I do? Divorce him first because he threatened? He wasn't serious. SA doesn't divorce easily. I don't think a single person in his family has ever divorced. If you reread the title it says vent post.



They don’t divorce easily but they what, joke about it? Again, I would never be with someone who ever said they would divorce me, serious or not, without therapy. It’s manipulation.


Op here. I don't think they joke about it unless they move to Western countries where it's easier to get divorced. That said I do think people in cultures where divorce is taboo take each other for granted more because they know there is very little chance of getting a divorce.
I remember the last trip at the visa counter two men asked where I was from and told me not to worry because Bengal men never leave their wives 😆

I know I complained a lot but I do want to say DH's family has been amazing at trying to make us comfortable. They ordered tons of bottled water before we came. They brought a guy here to climb up a coconut tree so we could all have fresh coconut water. They gave us tons of gifts. Everyone has been so nice. I would be so happy if they were living in the US. My two sisters-in-laws are the sweetest. The trip would be so much harder if I didn't get along with his family. Yesterday we attended a wedding and we had a chance to see an agriculture field. I also pushed DH to visit more restaurants and we visited the Ghusual area in Dhaka too because so people recommended that.



Thanks OP- will miss your updates.
What was so special about the agriculture field?
Also looks like Gulshan was not to be missed, according to this video. I'm going to check out her other videos too. Was your experience similar?


Lol
Lame sock puppet
Anonymous
Oh yes I hope you don’t get typhoid fever yet again. In the village, in the rickshaw, in the anirport and planes, at USA school and USA work.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Oh yes I hope you don’t get typhoid fever yet again. In the village, in the rickshaw, in the anirport and planes, at USA school and USA work.

No worries about USA. Definitely an issue in South Asia:

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099%2818%2930685-6/fulltext
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Oh yes I hope you don’t get typhoid fever yet again. In the village, in the rickshaw, in the anirport and planes, at USA school and USA work.


Op here. So far we are fine but I have three blisters now and I think it's due to mosquito bites. My feet are so swollen. It's similar to when I had a C-section plus huge blisters on my feet and legs. We arrived back a few hours ago. The warm bath I have been dreaming about will have to wait until the blisters heal. Hope these go away without needing to see a doctor. Happy to be back!
Anonymous
I was kinda surprised to see all the plastic bags in hand walking around downtown on the videos.

For a country with such rich textiles you'd think everyone would have shopping bags. And I've seen the choked rivers. They all end up there.
Anonymous
I miss you so much OP.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I was kinda surprised to see all the plastic bags in hand walking around downtown on the videos.

For a country with such rich textiles you'd think everyone would have shopping bags. And I've seen the choked rivers. They all end up there.


Op here. Weird. Plastic bags aren't used when shopping. They give you a nice reusable bag with almost every purchase, especially at the grocery store and I don't think it's extra.

Pictures of my blisters
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was kinda surprised to see all the plastic bags in hand walking around downtown on the videos.

For a country with such rich textiles you'd think everyone would have shopping bags. And I've seen the choked rivers. They all end up there.


Op here. Weird. Plastic bags aren't used when shopping. They give you a nice reusable bag with almost every purchase, especially at the grocery store and I don't think it's extra.

Pictures of my blisters



https://postimg.cc/w7KNCwxR
Anonymous
Welcome home op! Thanks for sharing and taking us along for the experience
Anonymous
OP go on another trip somewhere so we can learn oh so much more!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP go on another trip somewhere so we can learn oh so much more!


Op here. No way. On each trip, I come back with something. My body is sensitive to a lot of food and my skin is also sensitive. It's a PITA. I'm not very attracted to trips that require plane travel anymore.
Anonymous
FWIW I enjoyed your thread OP - I hope you are feeling better soon.

And no, not a sock puppet.
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