Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

OP is being dramatic. Can't leave the house for fear of getting lost and not speaking the language? Sure you have google maps and google translate on your phone. If you're there for a month, then each day walk out a bit more until you know the area. The first day, just walk to the end of the block and back. If you're with children, I'm sure any mother will be glad to help if you're in a bind.

What we do is stay in a hotel. Then we get things like a hot shower. We just blame it on the kids being picky, or how we don't want to put people out of their way with all 4 of us coming to visit. We also come for 2 weeks not a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't visit my husband's family until 5 years after we married in the US. They came here for the wedding. It was a cultural shock that my husband didn't prepare me for AT ALL. We arrived, and I had no idea I wouldn't have access to running shower water that's warm/ hot. I had to take bucket showers by combining boiled water with cold water. We stayed for a month so it's a huge pain. Hygiene is relaxed....... I rarely see anyone washing their hands with soap.. they use water... I can't prepare my own food here because it's way more complicated. There aren't washers and dryers, and kids get their clothes dirty frequently. DH also made a big deal about only taking TWO luggage for 4 people. I can't go anywhere alone because I don't speak the language and it would be very easy to get lost and not know how to find his family's house. They don't have AC or heaters, and we visit in the winter... there are openings in the door and windows to let in fresh air so it's always cold in the winter... feels like I am semi- camping... this is mainly a vent post... i probably sound like a snob, but it's so hard living like this for a month... dh is also annoying because he doesn't like going out when we are here due to traffic, but we are bored and HUNGRY.. eating boxed food i.e. noddles, pancakes get old after a week... the closest grocery store that has ready food i.e. chicken nuggets and stuff like that is 3 hours away.. I told DH I wanted to go to this store (similar to a western supermarket) when we were coming from the airport, and he kept saying they have grocery stores closer to his house... guess what? We went, and they don't have anything our kids will eat. I already knew this would happen because this isn't our first trip. I don't want to come across as entitled, but we are from a totally different background and need to feel comfortable and have food options.. it feels like he's going out of his way to not make us feel comfortable .... he's also making it a big deal we want to go out for clothes shopping. he's such a PITA

You completely described my experience when I visited my now ex-husbands home country. I've never been back and don't want to ever have another experience like that again. Bucket baths are not sufficient for anything over 2 or 3 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is being dramatic. Can't leave the house for fear of getting lost and not speaking the language? Sure you have google maps and google translate on your phone. If you're there for a month, then each day walk out a bit more until you know the area. The first day, just walk to the end of the block and back. If you're with children, I'm sure any mother will be glad to help if you're in a bind.

What we do is stay in a hotel. Then we get things like a hot shower. We just blame it on the kids being picky, or how we don't want to put people out of their way with all 4 of us coming to visit. We also come for 2 weeks not a month.

I don't know where OP is, but in some countries, it is dangerous for foreign women (or local women to be honest) to walk around unaccompanied. I have stayed in neighborhoods in Africa (Uganda, South Africa), where I was afraid to go out alone.

[Anonymous]

India, Nepal, parts of Vietnam, Central Asia, Pakistan, Ethiopia - those are my likely guesses for lesser developed countries that are cold right now.

OP - how long have you been married? How come you haven’t learned enough of the language to manage a walk outside the gates of the family home?

I wouldn’t want to do this with kids but I’m a white woman from the Midwest and have lived for months at a time, successfully on my own, in places where I didn’t speak the language and didn’t have reliable running water or electricity (Uganda, Ethiopia and Cambodia).

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing you are in rural eastern europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody should be eating chicken nuggets. Why people even introduce those to kids is beyond me.

If I were you OP, I'd figure out a way to get out--LEARN how to find your way back to his family's house. Go for a walk, enjoy the new environment, smell the smells, eat the eats, and have fun. I doubt anyone is forcing you to sit around the house all day, it's a choice you're making out of fear. Make a different choice.

OP here. It's not safe. The traffic is crazy here and we don't speak the language. It would be very hard to understand unless you were here. The driving style is very unsafe. It's very, very different. We can't walk down the road and go to Starbucks...

OMG, I lived in Hanoi, home of 1 billion motorbikes, and was able to move around the city. I feel certain you can walk down the road--do the locals just stay in their houses all the time? No. Your husband didn't prepare you well, but you need to buck up and deal with where you are, sunshine. You don't get to stay home and moan about it.

[Anonymous]

Hard times make strong people

[Anonymous]

These replies are wild. I don't thinking you are being dramatic at all, OP. I can't relate but I would have a really challenging time in these circumstances. I spent a few months doing some trekking in western China and Nepal and the toilets were an outdoor trough or hole, minimal showers, that sort of thing. I learned enough of the languages to order my own food, ask directions, make basic conversation and embraced the local cuisine. That's my best recommendation to you - make the most of it and encourage your kids to do the same. The best food you will eat anywhere in the world is whatever is fresh and local. It is a gift to your kids for them to learn how to embrace new cultures.

[Anonymous]

I remember your post asking for food recs. I think after this trip you need to talk to him about you and the kids limiting your time there.

[Anonymous]

So … India sucks?

[Anonymous]

Definitely sounds like India

[Anonymous]

I am unclear if this is OP's first trip to this country. It sounds like it's her second time there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So … India sucks?

Wherever she is would suck, if it is not Western Europe, US/Canada, and maybe big cities in i Japan and South Korea.

Whines a lot and has no resilience, no problem solving ability, no flexibility. Her DH IS being an a$$, but she is absolutely not helping herself in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you did zero research before going??

This is on you or you are a troll

This is her third thread on the topic, the other two being in the planning stages before going. She knew all about what she was getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely sounds like India

Rural India wouldn't have a pizza place.