Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

I'm saying this in the kindest way OP, but please don't take anything your DH says as gospel. Women in Bangladesh wear underwear! Jesus H Christ, what kind of nonsense is that? Underwear is EASY to wash by hand. You may find that they'll have a line in an out of the way place (behind outbuildings, typically) where undergarments are hung out to dry. Worst case scenario is that they hang them up to dry in their rooms/bathrooms. They don't take up much space, and one does not need a dryer for that!

I know that most of my family, even the ones living in the middle of a forest in India, would be hugely offended if I gifted them bras and underwear. They'd just be too polite to say anything about it, though.

I didn’t read the whole thread but why are so many Indian people posting about India? OP is not in India so I’m not sure why Indian culture and traditions would be relevant.

I’m not Indian but from the Indian people I know, there is a massive difference between different geographic areas of India and their socioeconomic status.

Bangladesh was part of India (and later Pakistan). They are not culturally *that* different, although Bangladesh has struggled with poverty and lack of infrastructure in some ways, worse than India. "Women in Bangladesh don't wear underwear" is not a thing.

Op here. I spoke to my SIL about it and she said it was funny and DH is typical because men from here don't know anything about women according to her. She said her husband is the same. She had a master's degree and works at a well known bank. Before I was dating DH he wasn't intimate with anyone else so maybe he was living in Lala land. She said they can purchase it here but it's embarrassing. She also said after dh moved to the US she would secretly go to salons for haircuts but now she's honest with her mom. Apparently, her mom would tell her not to cut her hair. Dh did tell me women in his culture don't cut their hair or so it themselves and I thought for sure he was uninformed but it seems there is some truth to it. I do agree that the Indian people are making this so confusing for me and don't really get it as much as they think they do. I don't think India and Bangladesh are similar to Canada and the US. I think there are a lot more differences than we realize. I wouldn't mind visiting my dh would probably reject the idea. I think he has a thing against indians to be honest because their countries were at war for so long. I didn't pick up on this until well after marrying him. Both of our neighbors in the US are indian end their wives have tried to invite us to the beach and other activities where the men can hang out and women can hang out kind of separately (they explained it this way ) and dh didn't want to go. He feels he has nothing in common with them. He's friendly. My dad can't seem to understand the differences and constantly calls DH Indian. I think it's very typical people feel they are similar. I think Pakistan is more developed. Maybe Bangladesh is simile to Myanmar r or Bhutan in terms of development. The US won't fly any of our airlines into Bangladesh. If anyone is interested I can include a picture of the luggage collection area at the airport. We waited 2 hours to get our luggage and the space was crazy crazy busy. I think there was only one conveyor belt for the entire airport. We waited in line to get the visas on arrival for over an hour and the luggage was still not coming out. I was so stressed because I thought it would get stolen.

There is and has been no war of any sort between India and Bangladesh. India was the one that helped liberate East Pakistan, which later became Bangladesh.

op here. DH's father was a freedom fighter and I thought he told me the party was fighting to gain Independence for India. Possibly Jugantar party? He had talked about his dad being a freedom fighter several times, butmaybe it has more to do with Muslim vs Hindu and he thinks Indians look down on Muslims.

Your stereotyping is becoming comical.

And Pulling form online searches. Lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on OP, you can't be that naive. Your DH was probably just pranking you. Of course the younger women wear underclothes. It's older women from villages who don't (maybe those in their 70's).

Women in rural areas dry their underwear under their sarees, salwars or towels on the clothes line with the clothes clips.

I can’t figure from this thread whether OP or the DH is the bigger doofus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

This.
I come from a state in India where a lot of people migrate to the Middle East to work in low-level jobs like maids, drivers, construction and so on. They all send money back to their families and there are entire small villages full of neat homes with all modern amenities. The families of those who migrate to the West do even better.

This is a rather pathetic flex. Like all the mexicans who send US earnings back home.
Make your own country better so that you can earn there. There are some amazing Indian entrepreneurs.

This is such a stupid statement. People succeed in the ways they can. Those “amazing Indian entrepreneurs” are a minuscule number of the billion-plus people who live in India, and often from the most privileged classes.

[Anonymous]

So glad Op is staying on ET time whilst camping in Bangladesh

She must have brought a lot of charged up battery packs too. Good planning Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on OP, you can't be that naive. Your DH was probably just pranking you. Of course the younger women wear underclothes. It's older women from villages who don't (maybe those in their 70's).

Women in rural areas dry their underwear under their sarees, salwars or towels on the clothes line with the clothes clips.

I can’t figure from this thread whether OP or the DH is the bigger doofus.

At least it seems pretty clear why they're meant for each other.

[Anonymous]

Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Normal white women might take offense to you lumping OP in with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

She’s in Bangladesh. Bangladeshis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

It’s sad that you only want to hear perspectives of people like yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

She’s in Bangladesh. Bangladeshis.

I apologize for my extreme Americanness.

[Anonymous]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bengali_language

Not so crazy to mix up Bengal and Bangladesh, there's 98% overlap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on OP, you can't be that naive. Your DH was probably just pranking you. Of course the younger women wear underclothes. It's older women from villages who don't (maybe those in their 70's).

Women in rural areas dry their underwear under their sarees, salwars or towels on the clothes line with the clothes clips.

I can’t figure from this thread whether OP or the DH is the bigger doofus.

She reminds me of the various people I’ve wondered about, and then later found out they are on the autism spectrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Op here. I think you're giving me too much credit. It's hard to sleep because I am overwhelmed. The mosque close by is constantly blaring music but it's really not normal music. They are singing verses from the Quran. They have a unique way to recite it. I am in a bed with my husband and two kids. All three are snoring. The mosquito net is secured well and I heard a strange animal outside I couldn't identify. Today there was a random cow I saw on the street. According to DH the cow wasn't lost. Most likely it wandered off its property and the owners will get him. I also was confused this evening when his family was discussing who would all go to Dhaka tomorrow because I recognized chicken in Bengali and names of family members. I asked why they were talking about chickens and if they would take the chickens to Dhaka. They thought it was hilarious. They were discussing who would stay home to babysit the chicken and rooster. Apparently, chickens fly over the concrete fence that's pretty high up. Who knew? Dhs family really wants to gift me a traditional three-price dress. We will go tomorrow to pick out the fabric and a tailor will custom make it. This is the way his sister usually purchases her clothes and I think it's common to still do this. The other types of clothes (the type we buy in the US ) are called ready-made. Another neat fact is furniture is sometimes made at your house right of if you and it is beautifully carved. It's easier to get it through the doorway. Their beds are typically huge because they co-sleep. Dh's nephew who is 11 sleeps with his mom and SIL and BIL sleep in another room. My MIL is sleeping with her sister right now who is visiting for two days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Normal white women might take offense to you lumping OP in with them.

Op here. Normal white women don't travel to Bangladesh and I don't think they marry Bengali men. I never claimed to be normal. Being normal is overrated.
I am more observant and more empathetic than the average person. I have been told that by many people. Maybe because I am dyslexic? When people call me an idiot etc it hurts because I grew up having a learning disability. It's mean-spirited to insult someone's intelligence. People are born the way they are. I wish people would consider that before calling someone stupid.