Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

I didn't visit my husband's family until 5 years after we married in the US. They came here for the wedding. It was a cultural shock that my husband didn't prepare me for AT ALL. We arrived, and I had no idea I wouldn't have access to running shower water that's warm/ hot. I had to take bucket showers by combining boiled water with cold water. We stayed for a month so it's a huge pain. Hygiene is relaxed....... I rarely see anyone washing their hands with soap.. they use water... I can't prepare my own food here because it's way more complicated. There aren't washers and dryers, and kids get their clothes dirty frequently. DH also made a big deal about only taking TWO luggage for 4 people. I can't go anywhere alone because I don't speak the language and it would be very easy to get lost and not know how to find his family's house. They don't have AC or heaters, and we visit in the winter... there are openings in the door and windows to let in fresh air so it's always cold in the winter... feels like I am semi- camping... this is mainly a vent post... i probably sound like a snob, but it's so hard living like this for a month... dh is also annoying because he doesn't like going out when we are here due to traffic, but we are bored and HUNGRY.. eating boxed food i.e. noddles, pancakes get old after a week... the closest grocery store that has ready food i.e. chicken nuggets and stuff like that is 3 hours away.. I told DH I wanted to go to this store (similar to a western supermarket) when we were coming from the airport, and he kept saying they have grocery stores closer to his house... guess what? We went, and they don't have anything our kids will eat. I already knew this would happen because this isn't our first trip. I don't want to come across as entitled, but we are from a totally different background and need to feel comfortable and have food options.. it feels like he's going out of his way to not make us feel comfortable .... he's also making it a big deal we want to go out for clothes shopping. he's such a PITA

[Anonymous]

Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

[Anonymous]

Op here. today we went for pizza, and dh wanted a 12-inch pizza for around 8 people... It's around $2 in US money per pizza.. I insisted we get at least 4 because we were hungry. I feel he's trying too hard not to appear excessive with spending, maybe with his family. I don't know... in the US we order extra large pizzas all the time.. most of his family didn't like pizza the last time we were here.. they all did eat at least a slice since we got so many today

[Anonymous]

Cool story, bro

[Anonymous]

Nobody should be eating chicken nuggets. Why people even introduce those to kids is beyond me.

If I were you OP, I'd figure out a way to get out--LEARN how to find your way back to his family's house. Go for a walk, enjoy the new environment, smell the smells, eat the eats, and have fun. I doubt anyone is forcing you to sit around the house all day, it's a choice you're making out of fear. Make a different choice.

[Anonymous]

You should have prepared. Insist on an extra suitcase for your emotional health. Bring soap and some comfort snacks.

[Anonymous]

The suitcase thing might be an effort to not be as "showy" - my best friend married into a family whose parent is from the depression, and the extreme efforts that goes into appearing "low maintenance" is above and beyond.

That includes carrying as little as possible while traveling, but it is really for appearance sake ("look how low maintenance I am!"), than it is for convenience, because inevitably her spouse fails to pack the most important items, such as a toothbrush or underwear, in the name of being "low maintenance".

The same family is kind of well, what is another word for slobbish? This includes the lack of hand washing, again in the name of not wanting to appear high maintenance. I am sure there is a better and clinical name for it, I just don't know what it is.

It seems extremely exhausting, so I feel for you, OP. It does not make a vacation comfortable or enjoyable. Not sure I would be that comfortable being surprised about the bathing situation, either. If it were me, I would just pack what makes me comfortable, and let him worry about the rest.

You need to talk to your husband and ask him why he didn't tell you. It is a simple question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you did zero research before going??

This is on you or you are a troll

[Anonymous]

India? Thailand?

[Anonymous]

Let's guess the country.
Strange that they had money to come to wedding, but wouldn't use it to have running water.
My family never came and they won't. Over the years they put in a shower in their historic home, new boiler, washing machine, new roof, windows. I left them my car and of course they have internet.
Improvements are not an option or different priorities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. today we went for pizza, and dh wanted a 12-inch pizza for around 8 people... It's around $2 in US money per pizza.. I insisted we get at least 4 because we were hungry. I feel he's trying too hard not to appear excessive with spending, maybe with his family. I don't know... in the US we order extra large pizzas all the time.. most of his family didn't like pizza the last time we were here.. they all did eat at least a slice since we got so many today

DP here. Yes, eating is part of the deal for my friend's husband's family, also - there is never enough food, but they make a show of "just cooking the right amount" because it is all gone. It is all gone because they made a dinner for eight, but for TWELVE people. So, I think you are accurate with the "appearance" thing. You need to step up and do what is right for your family. My friend used to stop at whatever was open (usually McDonald's, which she never eats, so they must have been hungry!) on the way home, which I admit is not anyone's idea of a holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody should be eating chicken nuggets. Why people even introduce those to kids is beyond me.

If I were you OP, I'd figure out a way to get out--LEARN how to find your way back to his family's house. Go for a walk, enjoy the new environment, smell the smells, eat the eats, and have fun. I doubt anyone is forcing you to sit around the house all day, it's a choice you're making out of fear. Make a different choice.

OP here. It's not safe. The traffic is crazy here and we don't speak the language. It would be very hard to understand unless you were here. The driving style is very unsafe. It's very, very different. We can't walk down the road and go to Starbucks...

[Anonymous]

Do they not have any punctuation…other than ellipsis…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

UTIs are a legitimate concern with this practice. Are there hotels??