Women, cheating, and solidarity

[Anonymous]

The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

There are 3 players. The wife usually has some play in the affair as well and there are usually issues in the marriage. The husband shouldn't cheat, but rarely is the marriage without issues and RARELY is the wife an innocent party in the marital issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids.

Can you explain to me why "young kids" makes an affair particularly more egregiously bad than at other times in a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

There are 3 players. The wife usually has some play in the affair as well and there are usually issues in the marriage. The husband shouldn't cheat, but rarely is the marriage without issues and RARELY is the wife an innocent party in the marital issues.

Statistically, cheating is a crime of opportunity and has nothing to do with the state of the marriage.

Please do the research before posting outdated stereotypes. And sure, all marriages - even happy ones - have issues. However, that is not what causes cheating. If it did, both partners would be cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids.

Can you explain to me why "young kids" makes an affair particularly more egregiously bad than at other times in a marriage?

Not OP, but I'm guessing because it's a particularly stressful time full of limited sleep, adjustments and changes. I'm thinking toddlerhood here btw, not elementary school aged kids.

[Anonymous]

Meh. There is a special place in hell for everybody. By the time a new father actually cheats, lack of solidarity is probably the least of your problems. People are opportunistic, and you can't control what others do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids.

Can you explain to me why "young kids" makes an affair particularly more egregiously bad than at other times in a marriage?

Not OP, but I'm guessing because it's a particularly stressful time full of limited sleep, adjustments and changes. I'm thinking toddlerhood here btw, not elementary school aged kids.

New poster here - I'd guess because it's a notoriously stressful time of life (if you can't take the heat and all that) and also you have these 100% innocent beings dependent on the security and stability of their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

There are 3 players. The wife usually has some play in the affair as well and there are usually issues in the marriage. The husband shouldn't cheat, but rarely is the marriage without issues and RARELY is the wife an innocent party in the marital issues.

What a load. No the victim of a cheater shares no blame. No different than someone wearing a short skirt and asking for it bs, or an abuser saying his wife deserved to be hit. As for the other woman, she is also to blame because she had NO BUSINESS being in their marriage. She is just as guilty.
The husband has a choice to get counseling, compromise or divorce. Cheating is not a option. I would like to see cheaters come down hard in courts, if it's proven. Especially when it destroys children's lives etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. There is a special place in hell for everybody. By the time a new father actually cheats, lack of solidarity is probably the least of your problems. People are opportunistic, and you can't control what others do.

Maybe not but her employment would be getting some anon letters and pictures. He would also get his just desserts.

Those are things that do happen with cheaters, called cause and effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

There are 3 players. The wife usually has some play in the affair as well and there are usually issues in the marriage. The husband shouldn't cheat, but rarely is the marriage without issues and RARELY is the wife an innocent party in the marital issues.

What a load. No the victim of a cheater shares no blame. No different than someone wearing a short skirt and asking for it bs, or an abuser saying his wife deserved to be hit. As for the other woman, she is also to blame because she had NO BUSINESS being in their marriage. She is just as guilty.
The husband has a choice to get counseling, compromise or divorce. Cheating is not a option. I would like to see cheaters come down hard in courts, if it's proven. Especially when it destroys children's lives etc.

Move states. Plenty of backwater states with morality clauses and some such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

There are 3 players. The wife usually has some play in the affair as well and there are usually issues in the marriage. The husband shouldn't cheat, but rarely is the marriage without issues and RARELY is the wife an innocent party in the marital issues.

What a load. No the victim of a cheater shares no blame. No different than someone wearing a short skirt and asking for it bs, or an abuser saying his wife deserved to be hit. As for the other woman, she is also to blame because she had NO BUSINESS being in their marriage. She is just as guilty.
The husband has a choice to get counseling, compromise or divorce. Cheating is not a option. I would like to see cheaters come down hard in courts, if it's proven. Especially when it destroys children's lives etc.

bla bla bla....

[Anonymous]

Statistically, cheating is a crime of opportunity and has nothing to do with the state of the marriage.

Please do the research before posting outdated stereotypes. And sure, all marriages - even happy ones - have issues. However, that is not what causes cheating. If it did, both partners would be cheaters.

This. Nearly found myself in the situation, and it the entire thing took me by surprise. Never sought out. Never considered it otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. There is a special place in hell for everybody. By the time a new father actually cheats, lack of solidarity is probably the least of your problems. People are opportunistic, and you can't control what others do.

Maybe not but her employment would be getting some anon letters and pictures. He would also get his just desserts.

Those are things that do happen with cheaters, called cause and effect.

If this is the case, you absolutely deserve to be treated like crap, babies or not. Cause and effect, baby, cause and effect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thread about comfort level with DH's female friends got me thinking. There is a special place in hell for women who cheat with married men with young kids. I'm not excusing the husbands' behavior; they are unquestionably responsible, but there are two players in every affair. Maybe a 20 year old girl gets some kind of pass for being clueless about what new parenthood (or marriage or adulthood) is like. But holy heck, ladies, how about a little solidarity with our fellow moms? You may have your own baggage to deal with, but if you're even close to a boundary with a married recent father, couldn't you just pause for a minute to remember yourself as a new mom, have some empathy for his wife, and not make her already challenging few years complete misery?

I used to be 20 and would never consider someone that was married. I was taught morals and values so really there is no excuse.

There is a special place in hell for any cheater considering there is either compromise or divorcing and then dating. No excuse whatsoever.

I've seen some really bad karma happen to cheaters, I'm ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. There is a special place in hell for everybody. By the time a new father actually cheats, lack of solidarity is probably the least of your problems. People are opportunistic, and you can't control what others do.

Maybe not but her employment would be getting some anon letters and pictures. He would also get his just desserts.

Those are things that do happen with cheaters, called cause and effect.

If this is the case, you absolutely deserve to be treated like crap, babies or not. Cause and effect, baby, cause and effect

I agree the cheaters do deserve to be treated like poo, certainly not the innocent spouse.

A little helpful hand is not a bad thing.