Difficulty making friends with women

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl and I've always had a hard time making close female friends. In fact I get along better with my husbands guy friends than i do with their wives.

I just feel like I don't have much in common with them. And it makes me insecure.

Does anyone else have this issue? Suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Allow me to be blunt, any woman who has claimed she can't be friends with another female because she doesn't have anything in common with them has 100% of the time been the problem.

She is usually overly critical of other women while make excuses for men.

She usually suffers from "snowflake syndrome" she is just oh so unique and the only woman on the planet to have xyz interests.

She also typically lacks appropriate social boundaries ie blantantlyflirts with boyfrien/husband of other womean and then plays dumb when called out on it saying things like " I just don't see it like that I'm one of the guys lolz."

It's not them or what you have in common with them that's making you insecure. You are insecure. When you are part of a group of females you think you have to compete with them for attention ( primarily male) doesn't matter that you are married.

When you are the only girl in the group you feel like you are special. " The guys are into me."

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Same here, op. Women are so catty that I have to try extra hard to make friends with many of them. Jealously, judgement, drama. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

This is such a hackneyed question, and the hackneyed answer (that women are fishing for when they ask it) is that, of course you are so pretty that other women are intimidated.

In actuality, you probably need to work on your listening skills, and on not using your friends as a sounding board to talk about yourself. This observation is based on what I've seen of other women who "don't have any female friends".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a hackneyed question, and the hackneyed answer (that women are fishing for when they ask it) is that, of course you are so pretty that other women are intimidated.

In actuality, you probably need to work on your listening skills, and on not using your friends as a sounding board to talk about yourself. This observation is based on what I've seen of other women who "don't have any female friends".

Yup. If you have issues with an entire group, the problem is not the group.
It's you OP. Not them. Your interests are not so unique no other female on the planet shares them and you can only be friends with males.
You also probably operate on the assumption you have to act a certain way around women and come across as fake which is off putting.
My sister makes claims like OP and a PP the issues is she's a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a girl and I've always had a hard time making close female friends. In fact I get along better with my husbands guy friends than i do with their wives.

I just feel like I don't have much in common with them. And it makes me insecure.

Does anyone else have this issue? Suggestions?

What is your relationship with your mother like?

I definitely have this issue. I never feel I can truly be myself with other women. I often find myself handling other women with kid gloves. Other women tend to like me, but I tend not to feel close to them because I am playing out my stereotype of what a nice girl should be, not being myself. I realize nowadays that my toxic relationship with my mother and early experiences of rejection by other girls have colored how I see women.

My mother is a nasty piece of work and borderline/histrionic personality disorders. She sees other women as either prey or threats. To get along with her, I was outwardly self effacing and deferential to her while keeping away from her anything of importance she could use against me. I still keep other women at arm's length the way I did my mother. It's how I grew up relating to women. Because I was a neglected and physically abused child, I often went to school with my hair undone and unkempt clothes. Other girls humiliated and excluded me, which reinforced my fear of other women. I am only beginning to slog through all of this now. I have female friends, but my relationships with them are very superficial and I always know them way better than they know me.

[Anonymous]

To add to the others I've noticed women who claim they can't be friends with other women are self-hating and have a measured bit of internalized misogny.

[Anonymous]

Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

[Anonymous]

I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

Boo hoo!

Little patience for snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.

PP who talked about her mom here. You hit the nail on the head. It is very hard to enjoy the company of women when not socialized to. My mother never taught me how to do my hair or dress, she never took an interest in who I was. I don't have any of the formative experiences that other women take for granted - manis/pedis, shopping for clothes, talking about boys, maybe cooking/sharing recipes, or just hanging out with mom. I had no idea how to carry myself as a woman or what it was like to feel safe in the company of women. Now, I am a fashionable, feminine woman (the learning has been hard work), but it is very hard as an unmothered woman to relate to other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.

PP who talked about her mom here. You hit the nail on the head. It is very hard to enjoy the company of women when not socialized to. My mother never taught me how to do my hair or dress, she never took an interest in who I was. I don't have any of the formative experiences that other women take for granted - manis/pedis, shopping for clothes, talking about boys, maybe cooking/sharing recipes, or just hanging out with mom. I had no idea how to carry myself as a woman or what it was like to feel safe in the company of women. Now, I am a fashionable, feminine woman (the learning has been hard work), but it is very hard as an unmothered woman to relate to other women.

17:18 here. Yes, I get it. I remember one time in my 20's, there was an office baby shower going on. Probably 20-30 women in the conference room. I just could not go in there! It was overwhelming. I hung out outside, with a couple of other women who felt the same way. All three of us had lost our mom's as children. It wasn't a coincidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.

PP who talked about her mom here. You hit the nail on the head. It is very hard to enjoy the company of women when not socialized to. My mother never taught me how to do my hair or dress, she never took an interest in who I was. I don't have any of the formative experiences that other women take for granted - manis/pedis, shopping for clothes, talking about boys, maybe cooking/sharing recipes, or just hanging out with mom. I had no idea how to carry myself as a woman or what it was like to feel safe in the company of women. Now, I am a fashionable, feminine woman (the learning has been hard work), but it is very hard as an unmothered woman to relate to other women.

You do realize not all women, even women with moms do the things you outlined?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Pointing out that OP is likely the problem as she is the common denominator is not piling on or being bitchy.

But since you are all about providing advice, what is your tips on how OP can improve her situation or are you only about policing others?