Difficulty making friends with women

[Anonymous]

With all due respect and in an attempt to answer honestly, a woman who claims she has a problem with other women is always the problem. Your problem is either that you choose friends poorly or that you don't treat friends well, or a combination of the two. To make and keep good friends, you have to be a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.

PP who talked about her mom here. You hit the nail on the head. It is very hard to enjoy the company of women when not socialized to. My mother never taught me how to do my hair or dress, she never took an interest in who I was. I don't have any of the formative experiences that other women take for granted - manis/pedis, shopping for clothes, talking about boys, maybe cooking/sharing recipes, or just hanging out with mom. I had no idea how to carry myself as a woman or what it was like to feel safe in the company of women. Now, I am a fashionable, feminine woman (the learning has been hard work), but it is very hard as an unmothered woman to relate to other women.

You do realize not all women, even women with moms do the things you outlined?

PP. Duh. I had a mom and, as I said, she didn't do any of the things I listed. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Pointing out that OP is likely the problem as she is the common denominator is not piling on or being bitchy.

But since you are all about providing advice, what is your tips on how OP can improve her situation or are you only about policing others?

You are probably one of the bitches I am talking about. You can make the point that OP may be the "problem" without adding the insults and attacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Ah, misogyny.

I'll try to say this kindly: if you have a problem making friends with over half of the human race, consider that the problem is you. Not them. Women are as varied as men are. Some of us love fashion and make-up. Some of us love sports. Some of us love both. Etc. I have a lot of wonderful, close girlfriends, and make friends easily, probably because I'm a good listener and don't assume they're anything in particular until I get to know them.

FWIW, I think everyone has issues and ways they undermine themselves. I certainly do, and spent a lot of time in therapy to address those issues. There's no shame in trying to figure out what's going on with you that you assume you "can't relate" to someone because of her gender, especially if that problem makes you unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Pointing out that OP is likely the problem as she is the common denominator is not piling on or being bitchy.

But since you are all about providing advice, what is your tips on how OP can improve her situation or are you only about policing others?

You are probably one of the bitches I am talking about. You can make the point that OP may be the "problem" without adding the insults and attacks.

You are probably a codependent bitch. no one is ever responsible for their own problems it's always something or someone else in your world. You are probably just like OP. Completely confused by the problems you have, and unable to admit you are the one with the issue and no one honest enough to tell you the truth exists in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect and in an attempt to answer honestly, a woman who claims she has a problem with other women is always the problem. Your problem is either that you choose friends poorly or that you don't treat friends well, or a combination of the two. To make and keep good friends, you have to be a good friend.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Ah, misogyny.

I'll try to say this kindly: if you have a problem making friends with over half of the human race, consider that the problem is you. Not them. Women are as varied as men are. Some of us love fashion and make-up. Some of us love sports. Some of us love both. Etc. I have a lot of wonderful, close girlfriends, and make friends easily, probably because I'm a good listener and don't assume they're anything in particular until I get to know them.

FWIW, I think everyone has issues and ways they undermine themselves. I certainly do, and spent a lot of time in therapy to address those issues. There's no shame in trying to figure out what's going on with you that you assume you "can't relate" to someone because of her gender, especially if that problem makes you unhappy.

The truth!
They won't hear you though, and the sad thing is the PP you are responding to is probably a lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Pointing out that OP is likely the problem as she is the common denominator is not piling on or being bitchy.

But since you are all about providing advice, what is your tips on how OP can improve her situation or are you only about policing others?

You are probably one of the bitches I am talking about. You can make the point that OP may be the "problem" without adding the insults and attacks.

You are probably a codependent bitch. no one is ever responsible for their own problems it's always something or someone else in your world. You are probably just like OP. Completely confused by the problems you have, and unable to admit you are the one with the issue and no one honest enough to tell you the truth exists in your life.

Yep, a miserable bitch just like I thought.

[Anonymous]

Are you new to the area? It was so much easier for me to make guys friends when I first moved here because they would approach me first. Of course they didn't want to be "friends" .

[Anonymous]

agree that some of the responses have been harsh but it's true that there is something up with OP if she can't make friends with ANY women. i'm far from a girly girl - hate shopping, the spa bores me, don't like gossip, but guess what? i still have women friends. most women are NOT judgmental, catty and/or drama queens. there are plenty of down-to-earth, normal fun human beings who are women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling on with attacks against OP isn't at all useful and just makes you all look like hateful, bitchy shrews.

+1

Pointing out that OP is likely the problem as she is the common denominator is not piling on or being bitchy.

But since you are all about providing advice, what is your tips on how OP can improve her situation or are you only about policing others?

You are probably one of the bitches I am talking about. You can make the point that OP may be the "problem" without adding the insults and attacks.

You are probably a codependent bitch. no one is ever responsible for their own problems it's always something or someone else in your world. You are probably just like OP. Completely confused by the problems you have, and unable to admit you are the one with the issue and no one honest enough to tell you the truth exists in your life.

Yep, a miserable bitch just like I thought.

Yet in all you're scolding me you still have yet to offer and advice to OP to improve her situation.
Bitch? Maybe.
But at leas I have a brain., something that you appear to be lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you new to the area? It was so much easier for me to make guys friends when I first moved here because they would approach me first. Of course they didn't want to be "friends" .

She's married. She finds it easier to be friends with her husbands friends, she just can't manage to connect with their wives or any woman on the planet because she has nothing in common with them nothing and that makes her insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:agree that some of the responses have been harsh but it's true that there is something up with OP if she can't make friends with ANY women. i'm far from a girly girl - hate shopping, the spa bores me, don't like gossip, but guess what? i still have women friends. most women are NOT judgmental, catty and/or drama queens. there are plenty of down-to-earth, normal fun human beings who are women.

You've described me. I'm not a girly-girl , but some of my friends are. It's all about attitude if you go into a situation negatively you are likely to fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here, op. Women are so catty that I have to try extra hard to make friends with many of them. Jealously, judgement, drama. No thanks!

That says more about the people around you than "women".

I have the opposite issue. I find it harder to relate to guys personally. So we end up talking about news, work and other impersonal topics, and do not develop an easy rapport.

[Anonymous]

Well, this thread is hardly likely to convince OP that women in general are supportive, welcoming and fun-loving.

17:18 here again. If what I and the other pp posted about mom (and lack thereof) issues resonated with you, I'd encourage you to read that "Motherless Daughters" book I mentioned. I found it incredibly helpful in understanding myself and my friendships and relationships. Pretty cathartic (have tissues handy!). If it makes you feel any better, I feel very differently now in my 40's than I did in my 20's. Time and therapy are great healers.