Difficulty making friends with women

[Anonymous]

I have difficulty eating soup with a fork.
People keep telling me to get a spoon, but I like using forks. I've used forks all my life.
Besides, I'd never be able to find a spoon as pretty as my fork, even though I've been told I can find a matching spoon at my local Walmart I'd rather not drive, and trying new things is scary for me, so I will continue to use my fork, but it will still make me sad that /i don't get to eat much soup with my special fork.

[Anonymous]

I have difficulty eating soup with a fork.
People keep telling me to get a spoon, but I like using forks. I've used forks all my life.
Besides, I'd never be able to find a spoon as pretty as my fork, even though I've been told I can find a matching spoon at my local Walmart I'd rather not drive, and trying new things is scary for me, so I will continue to use my fork, but it will still make me sad that /i don't get to eat much soup with my special fork.

Wow your are brilliant...thanks for gracing us with your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Op here.

OMG I think you hit the nail on the head! I'm not blatantly socially awkward and I dress pretty well and am pretty attractive. Guys are always nicer to me because they don't care/ don't pick up on the social capital that is need in order to fit in with most women. From what I've observed being nice and friendly is NOt all that's required to befriend a woman. I unfortunately seem to lack whatever "value" it is that women want their female friends to have. It can be anything ranging from being married to the right guy, having connections to go to the right parties, knowing the right people etc. in high school these are the cool people but In the grown up world I think we have our own version of it.

This is why you have no female friends.

There are definitely some women who are social climbers and who will only befriend those that have the "right" husbands, the clothes, who they know, blah blah blah, but not all women are like this, and you just lumped most women into this group.

And btw, if you think you are attractive and dress well, the men are friendly with you because of how you look, and probably not because they don't care about social capital.

I find it hard to socialize with some women, as well, but it's mostly because I feel judged, by people like you, because I don't dress well, nor am I that attractive. I am also pretty reserved when it comes to new people. I am afraid of making a social faux pas. There are very few women I connect with but that's because I am mostly a geek (I love scifi and the like). Still, I can find some women to talk to about work and my kids and what not without feeling judged.

There are plenty of women out there that won't judge you based on how you look or your social status, so perhaps you are meeting the wrong kinds of people. Maybe you are in that type of social circle where being married to the right man, or your social status is important. Maybe find some new people to hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a hackneyed question, and the hackneyed answer (that women are fishing for when they ask it) is that, of course you are so pretty that other women are intimidated.

In actuality, you probably need to work on your listening skills, and on not using your friends as a sounding board to talk about yourself. This observation is based on what I've seen of other women who "don't have any female friends".

Yup. If you have issues with an entire group, the problem is not the group.
It's you OP. Not them. Your interests are not so unique no other female on the planet shares them and you can only be friends with males.
You also probably operate on the assumption you have to act a certain way around women and come across as fake which is off putting.
My sister makes claims like OP and a PP the issues is she's a bitch.

-1! Using the word "bitch" makes you a misognist, PP!

[Anonymous]

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a hackneyed question, and the hackneyed answer (that women are fishing for when they ask it) is that, of course you are so pretty that other women are intimidated.

In actuality, you probably need to work on your listening skills, and on not using your friends as a sounding board to talk about yourself. This observation is based on what I've seen of other women who "don't have any female friends".

Yup. If you have issues with an entire group, the problem is not the group.
It's you OP. Not them. Your interests are not so unique no other female on the planet shares them and you can only be friends with males.
You also probably operate on the assumption you have to act a certain way around women and come across as fake which is off putting.
My sister makes claims like OP and a PP the issues is she's a bitch.

-1! Using the word "bitch" makes you a misognist, PP!

lol what? Does calling someone a douchebag make them a misandrist?

[Anonymous]

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

Sure...b/c there has to be something wrong with the op b/c otherwise it would be an indictment about women like yourself. Women are petty and alway looking for drama.

[Anonymous]

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

Sure...b/c there has to be something wrong with the op b/c otherwise it would be an indictment about women like yourself. Women are petty and alway looking for drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.

PP who talked about her mom here. You hit the nail on the head. It is very hard to enjoy the company of women when not socialized to. My mother never taught me how to do my hair or dress, she never took an interest in who I was. I don't have any of the formative experiences that other women take for granted - manis/pedis, shopping for clothes, talking about boys, maybe cooking/sharing recipes, or just hanging out with mom. I had no idea how to carry myself as a woman or what it was like to feel safe in the company of women. Now, I am a fashionable, feminine woman (the learning has been hard work), but it is very hard as an unmothered woman to relate to other women.

Oh, I can so relate to this. In fact, it is painful to read. Mom has NPD, and I have intimacy issues with women big time. I try, and have friendships, but don't reveal enough about myself to truly be seen/known. Perpetually working on it, but it is hard. I realize this was pages ago, but hugs to you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

Sure...b/c there has to be something wrong with the op b/c otherwise it would be an indictment about women like yourself. Women are petty and alway looking for drama.

You don't know anything about me. But yet you think me and all women are petty and looking for drama? This is why you don't have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

Sure...b/c there has to be something wrong with the op b/c otherwise it would be an indictment about women like yourself. Women are petty and alway looking for drama.

Says the token male who never gets laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

Sure...b/c there has to be something wrong with the op b/c otherwise it would be an indictment about women like yourself. Women are petty and alway looking for drama.

Says the token male who never gets laid.

Fuck. Are you seriously using sexual conquest of women as a measuring stick for the worth of a man? People like you encourage toxic masculinity and rape culture. Knock it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP - It's really hard to read your posts. You really do seem to be a misogynist. Trust me, most women are not perfectly socially attuned beings who only want to be friends with someone if they are important, cool, their husband is important, etc or whatever other silly things you just ascribed to half the human race. My friends are nice people who I like being with. End of story. Why do I like them? Why do they like me? I don't know - we just met, got along, had fun, whatever. It's not rocket science.

Sure...b/c there has to be something wrong with the op b/c otherwise it would be an indictment about women like yourself. Women are petty and alway looking for drama.

Says the token male who never gets laid.

Fuck. Are you seriously using sexual conquest of women as a measuring stick for the worth of a man? People like you encourage toxic masculinity and rape culture. Knock it off.

Take your pill and get back in your cage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a hackneyed question, and the hackneyed answer (that women are fishing for when they ask it) is that, of course you are so pretty that other women are intimidated.

In actuality, you probably need to work on your listening skills, and on not using your friends as a sounding board to talk about yourself. This observation is based on what I've seen of other women who "don't have any female friends".

Yup. If you have issues with an entire group, the problem is not the group.
It's you OP. Not them. Your interests are not so unique no other female on the planet shares them and you can only be friends with males.
You also probably operate on the assumption you have to act a certain way around women and come across as fake which is off putting.
My sister makes claims like OP and a PP the issues is she's a bitch.

-1! Using the word "bitch" makes you a misognist, PP!

lol what? Does calling someone a douchebag make them a misandrist?

No, it makes you an idiot who never got past what your BF said in the fourth grade.

[Anonymous]

OP, zero of my female friends give a shit about the things you've listed. We range from unhappily single to blissfully married and everything in between. We make anywhere from $10,000 a year to $180,000. We live in apartments with roommates or own our own home. Some of us dress from the Nordstrom racks and others live in a handful of jeans and sweats. Basically, our lives are our own and very different from one another but we value each other as people. There was never a moment of judging.

So, I'm wondering what the circumstances are where you're meeting these women you just can't make friends with. Where are you encountering one another?