Difficulty making friends with women

[Anonymous]

OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

Not true.

I suggest you invest in therapy and fix YOUR self esteem issues and why you dislike yourself. Yes yourself. You are a woman and your negative view of women is really a negative view of yourself. Which is actually very sad. I hope that changes for you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

I hope you don't have kids. Don't pass your gender discrimination issues to a new generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

I hope you don't have kids. Don't pass your gender discrimination issues to a new generation.

Go away, annoying person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

I hope you don't have kids. Don't pass your gender discrimination issues to a new generation.

Go away, annoying person.

No they're right. She is suffering low self esteem but also self obsession, both those are bad around kids, regardless of the gender assumptions she is also making.

[Anonymous]

OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

Not true.

I suggest you invest in therapy and fix YOUR self esteem issues and why you dislike yourself. Yes yourself. You are a woman and your negative view of women is really a negative view of yourself. Which is actually very sad. I hope that changes for you. Good luck!

OP here. i DO have terrible self esteem. I feel like I have nothing of value to offer as a friend. I don't know any cool people to introduce someone to. I don't have any cool stories to share. i don't know where the cool bars or what the good drinks are, etc.

I've been reclusive for so long that I am so out of touch with the social scene. I find this becomes most apparent with women as with guys, my lack of social know-how only comes across as my being a "girl". I think guys are more forgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

OP here. I know what you mean. I only have had ONE amazing best girlfriend when I was a kid. From High school onward I've had terrible experiences with girls. It was a girl that was supposedly my "best friend" who told me I was ugly and that I had another friend who dumped me the moment she became popular to go hang out with the popular cool girls.

Over time I have become even more detached with whats in and whats not. I don't live in the city and I just don't have anything to offer any female who'd want to associate with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

Aww another precious snowflake. It's you, op, and woman like you who are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

Aww another precious snowflake. It's you, op, and woman like you who are the problem.

You're a bully and a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

OP here. I know what you mean. I only have had ONE amazing best girlfriend when I was a kid. From High school onward I've had terrible experiences with girls. It was a girl that was supposedly my "best friend" who told me I was ugly and that I had another friend who dumped me the moment she became popular to go hang out with the popular cool girls.

Over time I have become even more detached with whats in and whats not. I don't live in the city and I just don't have anything to offer any female who'd want to associate with me.

Again these are your assumptions that you project onto other women. Going back to your original question if you truly want things to change for you you must change your attitude and that starts with fixing your self esteem. I have to be honest from your replies it doesn't seem like you really want to change.

[Anonymous]

Where is the poster who chimes in on every single thread about SAHMS/working moms to claim that men and women are the exact same, no difference in any way?

This is right up her ally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

I hope you don't have kids. Don't pass your gender discrimination issues to a new generation.

Go away, annoying person.

No they're right. She is suffering low self esteem but also self obsession, both those are bad around kids, regardless of the gender assumptions she is also making.

I see a lot more gender assumptions on the other side. As in you must have a certain number of female friends, because you are a girl. Otherwise, there is something wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are your own worst enemy. It's not other women. We don't make friends with people based on what they have to offer us that's "cool," we make friends based on friendliness, openness, and whether our personalities click. The reason you think you like men more is that you have no expectations for closeness there. Let your guard down; the only thing standing in your way with other women is what you're telling yourself.

I have close female friends from every part of my life: childhood, college, grad school, and as an adult. They are all genuine, supportive friends who are not superficial and judgmental like you anticipate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

Aww another precious snowflake. It's you, op, and woman like you who are the problem.

Nope I actually have the same background as you I used to think nobody likes me, all women this blah blah. Then I turned 30 and realized the common denominator in all my relationship troubles was me and me blaming others and thinking I was oh so unique that no one could get me was my own immaturity. Telling people what they want to hear isn't helpful to them.

You're a bully and a mean girl.