no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is clearly a troll post. Nobody thinks like this!

Actually many, many women do. Especially white UMC educated women. Just like they also demand to get married before they have children, save plenty of money to send their child to college, and are less likely to divorce. I have friends who didn’t have more children because they can’t afford to send more to private school and public isn’t an option. Just because you live in a world where all women must have two jobs, doesn’t mean that other women do. We are all products of our upbringing and culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

Your argument is “I am entitled to stay home and have my husband be the breadwinner because I’m white, UMC, and heterosexual”? I’ve seen it all now. Although I guess you’re really just saying the quiet part out loud.

If you were infertile and adopted, would you still think your expectations are reasonable? Or is this somehow your expected reward for being the biological vessel of procreation?

I’m not saying I’m entitled because of those things. However, my culture likely does play a role. Just like I would never have children before marriage.

Your question is silly. I’m not in a situation where I’m infertile and adopting. I have no idea how I’d react or feel.

Your refusal to consider that question shines a bright light on how underdetermined your position is. Do you really think the sharply time-limited acts of childbearing and breastfeeding should define the rest of your working career? You are operating under many unexamined assumptions, and utterly refuse to examine them.

Maybe your husband is similarly unwilling to examine his own motivations and expectations, but all we’re getting is your side, and your side is thin, thin, thin. You may have a strong argument for SAH but “because I’m female” is not that argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

NP. You sound dumber and less sympathetic with each post. You definitely shouldn't have another kid.

It’s dumb to acknowledge that most men don’t take time off after birth? That’s a very sexist comment on your part. Way to insult a woman who dares to acknowledge how men don’t do enough when it comes to children.

[Anonymous]

Having read all the posts from this entitled OP, I agree she should not have more children. Sounds like a selfish disaster of a marriage, and not a great environment for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

Actually it is. My husband is unable to get pregnant and give birth.

Gosh, I sure hope you don’t have secondary infertility! If you’re unable to produce another biological child, back to the office with you! You’re going to have to surrender that woman card that entitles you to not be the breadwinner!

The more you post, the uglier this gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

Your argument is “I am entitled to stay home and have my husband be the breadwinner because I’m white, UMC, and heterosexual”? I’ve seen it all now. Although I guess you’re really just saying the quiet part out loud.

If you were infertile and adopted, would you still think your expectations are reasonable? Or is this somehow your expected reward for being the biological vessel of procreation?

I’m not saying I’m entitled because of those things. However, my culture likely does play a role. Just like I would never have children before marriage.

Your question is silly. I’m not in a situation where I’m infertile and adopting. I have no idea how I’d react or feel.

Your refusal to consider that question shines a bright light on how underdetermined your position is. Do you really think the sharply time-limited acts of childbearing and breastfeeding should define the rest of your working career? You are operating under many unexamined assumptions, and utterly refuse to examine them.

Maybe your husband is similarly unwilling to examine his own motivations and expectations, but all we’re getting is your side, and your side is thin, thin, thin. You may have a strong argument for SAH but “because I’m female” is not that argument.

In my world, men don’t stay home with kids. I know this angers you, but it’s simply the way it is. In fact, very few men in the entire country stay home with children. You seem ignorant if you truly think most women are in a marriage where their husband would stay home to raise children. You are clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

Actually it is. My husband is unable to get pregnant and give birth.

Gosh, I sure hope you don’t have secondary infertility! If you’re unable to produce another biological child, back to the office with you! You’re going to have to surrender that woman card that entitles you to not be the breadwinner!

The more you post, the uglier this gets.

All of that because I said my husband can’t get pregnant and give birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

Actually it is. My husband is unable to get pregnant and give birth.

You are not some special unicorn. Millions of women worldwide give birth, breastfeed, raise children, and work too - even in demanding jobs. You just don’t feel like it. That’s what it comes down to. So… Own it. No one here actually cares if you have a second child or have three more. You seem to think you’ll be punishing your husband if he doesn’t let you quit by not having a second - good luck with that happy home life, lady. Sounds like he may resent you either way, even if he gives in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having read all the posts from this entitled OP, I agree she should not have more children. Sounds like a selfish disaster of a marriage, and not a great environment for children.

It’s selfish to stay home with children?

If anything, I care about my children. I simply want to spend time with my children instead of adding to my already high net worth. I don’t want more money. I want time with my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

Actually it is. My husband is unable to get pregnant and give birth.

You are not some special unicorn. Millions of women worldwide give birth, breastfeed, raise children, and work too - even in demanding jobs. You just don’t feel like it. That’s what it comes down to. So… Own it. No one here actually cares if you have a second child or have three more. You seem to think you’ll be punishing your husband if he doesn’t let you quit by not having a second - good luck with that happy home life, lady. Sounds like he may resent you either way, even if he gives in. [/quote

Millions of women also get beaten up by their husbands. Should OP accept that too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read all the posts from this entitled OP, I agree she should not have more children. Sounds like a selfish disaster of a marriage, and not a great environment for children.

It’s selfish to stay home with children?

If anything, I care about my children. I simply want to spend time with my children instead of adding to my already high net worth. I don’t want more money. I want time with my children.

You are selfish.amd nasty, and it has nothing to do with whether you SAH or not.

[Anonymous]

We are both in biglaw and I just had our third kid and DH doesn’t want me to quit. I get it. I sure as sh** wouldn’t want to be the sole earner. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having read all the posts from this entitled OP, I agree she should not have more children. Sounds like a selfish disaster of a marriage, and not a great environment for children.

+1
She’s staying with her husband because of the ten million dollar inheritance, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

Your argument is “I am entitled to stay home and have my husband be the breadwinner because I’m white, UMC, and heterosexual”? I’ve seen it all now. Although I guess you’re really just saying the quiet part out loud.

If you were infertile and adopted, would you still think your expectations are reasonable? Or is this somehow your expected reward for being the biological vessel of procreation?

I’m not saying I’m entitled because of those things. However, my culture likely does play a role. Just like I would never have children before marriage.

Your question is silly. I’m not in a situation where I’m infertile and adopting. I have no idea how I’d react or feel.

Your refusal to consider that question shines a bright light on how underdetermined your position is. Do you really think the sharply time-limited acts of childbearing and breastfeeding should define the rest of your working career? You are operating under many unexamined assumptions, and utterly refuse to examine them.

Maybe your husband is similarly unwilling to examine his own motivations and expectations, but all we’re getting is your side, and your side is thin, thin, thin. You may have a strong argument for SAH but “because I’m female” is not that argument.

In my world, men don’t stay home with kids. I know this angers you, but it’s simply the way it is. In fact, very few men in the entire country stay home with children. You seem ignorant if you truly think most women are in a marriage where their husband would stay home to raise children. You are clueless.

Honey, you’re the one who’s angry because your husband won’t play the role you’ve decided your “culture” requires of him. You’ve got an incredibly simplistic view of the world. A simplistic and rigid worldview can get you far if your spouse shares that worldview, but apparently yours doesn’t. You’re here asking people to condemn him for that and you’re not getting it, because it’s not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read all the posts from this entitled OP, I agree she should not have more children. Sounds like a selfish disaster of a marriage, and not a great environment for children.

+1
She’s staying with her husband because of the ten million dollar inheritance, too.

Yes, that much is also obvious.