no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

Your argument is “I am entitled to stay home and have my husband be the breadwinner because I’m white, UMC, and heterosexual”? I’ve seen it all now. Although I guess you’re really just saying the quiet part out loud.

If you were infertile and adopted, would you still think your expectations are reasonable? Or is this somehow your expected reward for being the biological vessel of procreation?

I’m not saying I’m entitled because of those things. However, my culture likely does play a role. Just like I would never have children before marriage.

Your question is silly. I’m not in a situation where I’m infertile and adopting. I have no idea how I’d react or feel.

Your refusal to consider that question shines a bright light on how underdetermined your position is. Do you really think the sharply time-limited acts of childbearing and breastfeeding should define the rest of your working career? You are operating under many unexamined assumptions, and utterly refuse to examine them.

Maybe your husband is similarly unwilling to examine his own motivations and expectations, but all we’re getting is your side, and your side is thin, thin, thin. You may have a strong argument for SAH but “because I’m female” is not that argument.

In my world, men don’t stay home with kids. I know this angers you, but it’s simply the way it is. In fact, very few men in the entire country stay home with children. You seem ignorant if you truly think most women are in a marriage where their husband would stay home to raise children. You are clueless.

Honey, you’re the one who’s angry because your husband won’t play the role you’ve decided your “culture” requires of him. You’ve got an incredibly simplistic view of the world. A simplistic and rigid worldview can get you far if your spouse shares that worldview, but apparently yours doesn’t. You’re here asking people to condemn him for that and you’re not getting it, because it’s not reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wanted to stay home when we had our second child and DH was not originally on board. He was making around 500k and I was earning 200k. I ended up staying home when DH made 800k. Now he earns $1.5-2m. He has no issues with me not working now but back then he did not feel so comfortable.

You guys sound relatively young. I would not want to depend on an inheritance. I don’t think it is uncommon for husbands to want their wives to work for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP. He will have a second child. Just not with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This!!!

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised everyone’s playing along with the troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read all the posts from this entitled OP, I agree she should not have more children. Sounds like a selfish disaster of a marriage, and not a great environment for children.

It’s selfish to stay home with children?

If anything, I care about my children. I simply want to spend time with my children instead of adding to my already high net worth. I don’t want more money. I want time with my children.

Let's be real. You want 'time' with your children under a pandemic comes along and takes you out of your mani/pedi/gym class/starbucks/shopping routine where you must care for said children 24/7.

Then its 'families aren't built to spend so much time together!'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

That last line is everything.

[Anonymous]

Without nitpicking about whether your wanting to stay home is reasonable, I don't really understand how refusing to have a second child helps you in any way. You don't seem to like your job. Presumably, you would want to SAH with your one kid if you thought it was remotely reasonable to ask to do so. I don't see how not having the size of family you want is a good outcome for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised everyone’s playing along with the troll.

Sadly, there are a lot of actual women who actually think like this. I don’t think it’s obvious that this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This. It’s so odd. Is it because OP grew up with money? I noticed friends who grew up with high net worth parents can sometimes have this point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

That last line is everything.

Probably a half second slower than she would if he was arrested and sent to jail. Everyone should read this Anne Hathaway story. She was spoiled rotten by this guy for 5 years - private jets to every occasion, 5-star hotels on every continent, and a $40,000 month penthouse.

Their last conversation was 'I love yous' at 2AM. By 6AM he was arrested and she never spoke to him again. Like he never existed.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9800705/I-dont-blame-Anne-Hathaway-ditching-overnight-Raffaello-Follieri-tells-story-passion.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised everyone’s playing along with the troll.

Sadly, there are a lot of actual women who actually think like this. I don’t think it’s obvious that this is a troll.

There are a lot of women out there, of all political stripes, who think they're god's gift to earth and should be able to not work for 30 years after spending a total of 9 months incubating a child.

[Anonymous]

OP is a spoiled daddy's girl and wants DH to treat her similarly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

That last line is everything.

Probably a half second slower than she would if he was arrested and sent to jail. Everyone should read this Anne Hathaway story. She was spoiled rotten by this guy for 5 years - private jets to every occasion, 5-star hotels on every continent, and a $40,000 month penthouse.

Their last conversation was 'I love yous' at 2AM. By 6AM he was arrested and she never spoke to him again. Like he never existed.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9800705/I-dont-blame-Anne-Hathaway-ditching-overnight-Raffaello-Follieri-tells-story-passion.html

And he was a criminal. OP's husband only expects her to continue to work and contribute to the family finances like an adult.