If your 15 year old daughter has a boyfriend do you allow her to go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

You don't get it. The Goal is NOT "no sex for teens". It's about boundaries, boundaries for a 15 year old girl.

Too much permissive and uninvolved parenting advice here.

You also sound psycho.

OP wasn't asking should I let my 15 year old be alone at her boyfriend's house? Not even the question.

Think of it like a flow chart. Can 15 year old go to boyfriend's house --------> Parents home --------> Yes.
Can 15 year old go to boyfriend's house --------> No parents home -----> No.

Just allowing her to go to his house doesn't mean OP is an uninvolved parent or permissive.

[Anonymous]

We have a 15 year old son, he has a girlfriend. She is allowed here only when we are home. He is allowed there only when her parents are home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 15 year old son, he has a girlfriend. She is allowed here only when we are home. He is allowed there only when her parents are home.

Same here.

However, I'm more ok with allowing it than my husband. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

You don't get it. The Goal is NOT "no sex for teens". It's about boundaries, boundaries for a 15 year old girl.

Too much permissive and uninvolved parenting advice here.

The boundary you can’t go to your boyfriends house is a meaningless boundary hence just a platitude to make you feel good about your lack of parenting.

Please explain how "meaningless" of a boundary is when I tell my teen daughter she can't go to her boyfriend's house.

Please, your are worse than a teen!

Because she is still going to his house you just think she is at Karen’s. But your too dense to help her navigate this stage of her life because your head is in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Because she is still going to his house you just think she is at Karen’s. But your too dense to help her navigate this stage of her life because your head is in the sand.

I have location tracker programs on all my kids' phones so I can tell where they are. I don't use it to be a stalker or micro-manage them, I use it for safety. So yeah, if I thought my kid was not where they said they would be, I could check that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Because she is still going to his house you just think she is at Karen’s. But your too dense to help her navigate this stage of her life because your head is in the sand.

I have location tracker programs on all my kids' phones so I can tell where they are. I don't use it to be a stalker or micro-manage them, I use it for safety. So yeah, if I thought my kid was not where they said they would be, I could check that.

You mean you can check where her phone is.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't 15 but my high school boyfriend and I had sex in our cars, at his house, and my house plenty of times. My parents never agreed to let me. Like I said, talk about birth control and condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

As a teen, I hosted sleepovers for my good girl friends at my house when my parents were away-with their permission. One close friend would invite her boyfriend and they had sex in my parents bedroom (LOL!), while my other friend and I watched TV. I only agreed to this after I took her to PP to get her on the BC pill. We were all 16-17.

[Anonymous]

15 year olds are allowed to date?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15 year olds are allowed to date?!

How old are your kids? You do realize that kids in 7th grade start talking about who’s “going with” who and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, right? It doesn’t mean they’re getting dressed up and going on dates. The same thing can be true for 15 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. You people are funny.
Denial.... not just a river in Egypt.
Your kids are totally having sex behind your backs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a train of thought in this thread that seems to suggest that any boundary is worthless so why have any at all. Part of our job as parents is to reflect our values in the boundaries we set for our kids, and it's developmentally appropriate for teens to buck against them, but that dance still plays a role in shaping the adults they become. Setting boundaries gives kids a sense of security and models for them how to set personal boundaries as well. Just because a kid will figure out how to test them, push them, break them, doesn't mean they don't have value.

+1
Yes.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a train of thought in this thread that seems to suggest that any boundary is worthless so why have any at all. Part of our job as parents is to reflect our values in the boundaries we set for our kids, and it's developmentally appropriate for teens to buck against them, but that dance still plays a role in shaping the adults they become. Setting boundaries gives kids a sense of security and models for them how to set personal boundaries as well. Just because a kid will figure out how to test them, push them, break them, doesn't mean they don't have value.

+1
Yes.

+2

Nobody is not setting boundaries… some are setting boundaries that will not be followed snd some are setting realistic boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Learning to sneak around to get your needs met builds character. Refuse her permission but steadfastly ignore any clues that she is disobeying you. Everyone happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learning to sneak around to get your needs met builds character. Refuse her permission but steadfastly ignore any clues that she is disobeying you. Everyone happy.