If your 15 year old daughter has a boyfriend do you allow her to go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

So I guess you’re never leaving your 15 y.o. Home alone now, or send them out with friends. Because if so she can sneak around behind your back now. Whether she does or not is a completely separate questions.

Agree with the PPs who said that you can give either allow or not allow, but you can’t micro-manage the other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

She will be 18 in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was that age I did let her go to boyfriends house a handful of times. I asked her if parents were around and she said yes. Totally possible she wasn’t telling the truth, though we had a pretty open and trusting relationship . But honestly at that age I think it’s a pretty big parent overreach to be calling parents and discussing those kinds of details. I think either you let your kid go or you don’t, but should keep parent to parent communication out of it.

I agree with this. If you aren’t comfortable don’t let her go but you can’t micromanage the other parents and have no idea how well they will be surprised if even they say they are home

+1 I was clear with DD and my DSs that my requirement was that an adult be home so the first couple of times I dropped them off, I asked that one of the parents wave to me from the door. After that, I didn't. I figured that communicates sufficiently to the other parents what my expectations are. Kids can find a way around rules but at least I've taken reasonable steps to set my kids up for the compliance I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

[Anonymous]

+ 1

OP you asked if I would let DC go to her boyfriends house. Answer: no.

[Anonymous]

Is she allowed to have sex with him? Have you talked about it? Don't use the "allowed to be in the house alone" thing as a proxy for a conversation you don't want to have.

[Anonymous]

Yes and we are new to this too. We have had the sex talk and she knows our expectations. His parents are very nice and on the same page.

Of course he drives an SUV so there are plenty of options for them though I track her phone and they aren't parkers.

[Anonymous]

“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call his parents. Do your job.

Ask them if they are allowed to be alone at his house. If so then nope.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

She will be 18 in a few years.

But she isn't now. DP btw.

What you're saying is like when my kid was 2 and you told me he would be 5 in a few years so he might was well go to kindergarten then. You would be right, he would be 5 in a few years; however, I definitely wasn't going to send him to kindergarten at 2.

[Anonymous]

You could just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

You realize her boyfriend can show up at her other friends house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could just say no.

No you can’t leave the house? You can’t go to friends? You can never see your boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could just say no.

No you can’t leave the house? You can’t go to friends? You can never see your boyfriend?

Yes.