If your 15 year old daughter has a boyfriend do you allow her to go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite the parents to dinner and get to know them. Talk openly about your parenting style.

There is a 0% chance I'm going out to dinner with my son's gf's parents and I'm not interested in discussing my parenting style with them. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Look, if a 15 year old wants to have sex with her boyfriend she’s gonna do it. More likely, though, it’s the boy who pushes the issue. Why make it easier on him by letting her go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the parents to dinner and get to know them. Talk openly about your parenting style.

There is a 0% chance I'm going out to dinner with my son's gf's parents and I'm not interested in discussing my parenting style with them. Good grief.

Agree!!! This is a teen bf. Not a husband to be.

Parents should not be friends with their kid’s friends or romantic relationships.

Have their cell phones or double check where they are, yes.

Dinners, gatherings, etc… No.

Same with inviting teen bf/gf to events and vacations. Ick ick ick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the parents to dinner and get to know them. Talk openly about your parenting style.

There is a 0% chance I'm going out to dinner with my son's gf's parents and I'm not interested in discussing my parenting style with them. Good grief.

Agree!!! This is a teen bf. Not a husband to be.

Parents should not be friends with their kid’s friends or romantic relationships.

Have their cell phones or double check where they are, yes.

Dinners, gatherings, etc… No.

Same with inviting teen bf/gf to events and vacations. Ick ick ick

Sometimes these things happen naturally, because, you know...community. Jeez!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old girl is a lesbian. I let her go to her GF’s house, but the GF’s family chaperones them. I do not chaperone when the GF comes here.

That is really different. She faces zero risk of pregnancy. And compared to a heterosexual, her risk of contracting an STI from her lesbian girlfriend is vastly lower, even if they were to have “sex.”

It isn’t different. Stop saying that. It’s demeaning

It’s totally different. Nothing is going to happen if it’s just 2 teenage girls.

[Anonymous]

I insist that he come to our house. Because that is what boys should do. Not having the girls go chase the boy to his house.

I do let her go there once in awhile. For a good reason.

Call me old fashioned. But he can come to her.

[Anonymous]

Would I let my 15-year-old daughter go to her boyfriends house?

This is such a difficult question for me because when I was young I did so much even when parents were around. My parents let my boyfriend visit in our home while they were there and I was giving him oral sex when I was 14. We didn’t care that the parents were in the house. I’m sure my parents had absolutely no idea that that was what we were doing and they thought we were just in the basement watching a movie on the VCR or whatever. They let me visit his house when his parents were there and of course we just did whatever we wanted in his room.

By 16 I was having actual sex in cars, in fields, in the woods, and my parents really knew nothing about where I was because I lied. My parents were extremely conservative and did not believe in premarital sex and did not discuss any of this with me. Sex was a completely forbidden topic of conversation. I went to planned parenthood for contraception. Unfortunately for me sex was mostly about pleasing the guy back then. I had a lot of experiences that I’m super not happy about.

I think the best thing you can do is talk openly about sex from a young age and try to talk to your children about valuing themselves and that all sexual activity should be part of respectful relationships. I am very open about the fact that I think sex is great but that I think it is something for mature people who are in loving, meaningful relationships. My kids are only 13 and 10 but already we talk about stuff like consent, etc. when there’s stories in the news about stuff that has happened with teenagers or whatever I share those with them and we talk about it.

I think if my 15-year-old daughter wanted to go to her boyfriends house, I would openly discuss my concerns. I would say that I know she wants to make out with him, etc, but that I worry that she’s too young to have sex and that I hope she will not. I would tell her that whatever they do together she needs to make sure that she’s enjoying it just as much as he is and then if she’s getting any pressure from him that’s not OK. I would probably talk to her about contraception and safe sex even if she wasn’t going to have it. I wouldn’t call the boys’ parents to find out if they were going to be there because what would that really achieve? The only protections your kids are really going to have are their internal emotional ones. If they don’t have those then they are going to be subject to all kinds of pressures to take all kinds of risks. Saying she could go to her boyfriends house but only if his parents are there seems weird to me…It seems to imply that what she does with her body is somehow controlled externally. Calling the boys parents and talking to them seems like talking to entirely the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the parents to dinner and get to know them. Talk openly about your parenting style.

There is a 0% chance I'm going out to dinner with my son's gf's parents and I'm not interested in discussing my parenting style with them. Good grief.

Agree!!! This is a teen bf. Not a husband to be.

Parents should not be friends with their kid’s friends or romantic relationships.

Have their cell phones or double check where they are, yes.

Dinners, gatherings, etc… No.

Same with inviting teen bf/gf to events and vacations. Ick ick ick

Sometimes these things happen naturally, because, you know...community. Jeez!

Nah - find your own friends. Your kids don’t need another layer of drama with you being besties with her eventual ex’s parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old girl is a lesbian. I let her go to her GF’s house, but the GF’s family chaperones them. I do not chaperone when the GF comes here.

That is really different. She faces zero risk of pregnancy. And compared to a heterosexual, her risk of contracting an STI from her lesbian girlfriend is vastly lower, even if they were to have “sex.”

It isn’t different. Stop saying that. It’s demeaning

It’s totally different. Nothing is going to happen if it’s just 2 teenage girls.

So you are only worried about pregnancy? That’s it.

I am more concerned with the emotional and mental damage having early sex, being used, rumors, and stunted relationships. It doesn’t matter if it’s Herero or homo relationships. It’s a huge jump going into the sexual world and it changes you

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old son has a new 15 year old girlfriend. Mostly they went over her house. Now, she has been over mine. I hold him to the same restrictions her parents have allegedly set on them. Open door, not when parents aren't home, etc.

Is this fool-proof? No. But I totally get that her parents may be anxious.

[Anonymous]

No. They will have sex OP. Guarantee it. Get her on BC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the parents to dinner and get to know them. Talk openly about your parenting style.

There is a 0% chance I'm going out to dinner with my son's gf's parents and I'm not interested in discussing my parenting style with them. Good grief.

Agree!!! This is a teen bf. Not a husband to be.

Parents should not be friends with their kid’s friends or romantic relationships.

Have their cell phones or double check where they are, yes.

Dinners, gatherings, etc… No.

Same with inviting teen bf/gf to events and vacations. Ick ick ick

Sometimes these things happen naturally, because, you know...community. Jeez!

Nah - find your own friends. Your kids don’t need another layer of drama with you being besties with her eventual ex’s parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would I let my 15-year-old daughter go to her boyfriends house?

This is such a difficult question for me because when I was young I did so much even when parents were around. My parents let my boyfriend visit in our home while they were there and I was giving him oral sex when I was 14. We didn’t care that the parents were in the house. I’m sure my parents had absolutely no idea that that was what we were doing and they thought we were just in the basement watching a movie on the VCR or whatever. They let me visit his house when his parents were there and of course we just did whatever we wanted in his room.

By 16 I was having actual sex in cars, in fields, in the woods, and my parents really knew nothing about where I was because I lied. My parents were extremely conservative and did not believe in premarital sex and did not discuss any of this with me. Sex was a completely forbidden topic of conversation. I went to planned parenthood for contraception. Unfortunately for me sex was mostly about pleasing the guy back then. I had a lot of experiences that I’m super not happy about.

I think the best thing you can do is talk openly about sex from a young age and try to talk to your children about valuing themselves and that all sexual activity should be part of respectful relationships. I am very open about the fact that I think sex is great but that I think it is something for mature people who are in loving, meaningful relationships. My kids are only 13 and 10 but already we talk about stuff like consent, etc. when there’s stories in the news about stuff that has happened with teenagers or whatever I share those with them and we talk about it.

I think if my 15-year-old daughter wanted to go to her boyfriends house, I would openly discuss my concerns. I would say that I know she wants to make out with him, etc, but that I worry that she’s too young to have sex and that I hope she will not. I would tell her that whatever they do together she needs to make sure that she’s enjoying it just as much as he is and then if she’s getting any pressure from him that’s not OK. I would probably talk to her about contraception and safe sex even if she wasn’t going to have it. I wouldn’t call the boys’ parents to find out if they were going to be there because what would that really achieve? The only protections your kids are really going to have are their internal emotional ones. If they don’t have those then they are going to be subject to all kinds of pressures to take all kinds of risks. Saying she could go to her boyfriends house but only if his parents are there seems weird to me…It seems to imply that what she does with her body is somehow controlled externally. Calling the boys parents and talking to them seems like talking to entirely the wrong person.

THIS one sentence is really all everyone needs to know. Being a helicopter, demanding abstinence, deny dating, etc... is NOT going to work if the teen wants to do it. And the more you put up an effort, there is a likelihood they will want it more.

You need to communicate and help them understand why you feel they aren't ready. And yes, you can show them stats and involve them in what may happen if they break-up and how there could be much more regret they did something instead of waiting etc....

Be loving, concerning, and still give them BC options if they change their mind today or 6 months from now. And always tell them they can come to you to talk or to help anytime and anyplace without judgement.

But in the end, you can't monitor a teen 24/7 and while I am completely against teens being alone in a house, I am not naive that it will happen elsewhere if they want it. So parent them, teach them, support them, and trust that they will make good decisions and be there for them if they make mistakes. But in the end, the only protection is the teen's decision.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad my family is ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad my family is ugly.

LOL. My family is nerdy and late-blooming. Suitors aren't beating down the doors. For that, I am grateful.