If your 15 year old daughter has a boyfriend do you allow her to go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens know that dating is not allowed. They are focussed on academics, ECs, social life etc. They are not latchkey kids and our lives revolve around our children. So, no boyfriend or girlfriend until they are in college.

Now, since we are not White and come from a culture of arranged marriages, it is quite possible that our children are unable to find someone to marry on their own. Well, the solution to that is that if they have great career and have a good income, there is no lack of choices for them. Finding a good match and having it all is not a pipe dream. But, first - study hard and make something of your life. Nurture the friends and relatives in your life. Treat the world well.

Funny thing is you think this is a good thing and time and time again it is linked to immature growth, lack of street smarts, poor autonomy, severe lack of communication skills, and extremely high anxiety and silent depression.

But straight A's and no sex is all that matters!! Great job

And time and time again, teen sex has led to teen pregnancy, welfare, poor financial outcomes, child abuse, dissatisfaction with life, anxiety, and depression.

Bit you think teens having sex is all that matters!! Poor job

There is no one on DCUM that is gonna have a teen that gets and stays pregnant. Give me a break

And giving your kids autonomy doesn't mean that equals sex. It's your fear which is why you put them in a chokehold to do nothing. If you communicate and trust and teach your kids to be adults before they leave college, they are much better off.

The amount of kids leaving college crying home to mommy before one semester over is insane. They can't cope because they don't have Mommy to guide them.

Awww...GOP has taken away the rights to abortion in most states. Is this a third world country??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

Only in certain cultures and family. And the kids in these cultures and families are not doing so well. So, I am not going to be taking parenting advice from such people. Nor will I take advice about education or family/community building. I am so glad that this culture is not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call his parents. Do your job.

Ask them if they are allowed to be alone at his house. If so then nope.

Parent lie all the time. OP is naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens know that dating is not allowed. They are focussed on academics, ECs, social life etc. They are not latchkey kids and our lives revolve around our children. So, no boyfriend or girlfriend until they are in college.

Now, since we are not White and come from a culture of arranged marriages, it is quite possible that our children are unable to find someone to marry on their own. Well, the solution to that is that if they have great career and have a good income, there is no lack of choices for them. Finding a good match and having it all is not a pipe dream. But, first - study hard and make something of your life. Nurture the friends and relatives in your life. Treat the world well.

I'm curious on how you are able to control whether or not your kid has a boyfriend or girlfriend. Are they just not allowed of the house without you? How do you know nothing is going on when they're at a friend's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens know that dating is not allowed. They are focussed on academics, ECs, social life etc. They are not latchkey kids and our lives revolve around our children. So, no boyfriend or girlfriend until they are in college.

Now, since we are not White and come from a culture of arranged marriages, it is quite possible that our children are unable to find someone to marry on their own. Well, the solution to that is that if they have great career and have a good income, there is no lack of choices for them. Finding a good match and having it all is not a pipe dream. But, first - study hard and make something of your life. Nurture the friends and relatives in your life. Treat the world well.

Funny thing is you think this is a good thing and time and time again it is linked to immature growth, lack of street smarts, poor autonomy, severe lack of communication skills, and extremely high anxiety and silent depression.

But straight A's and no sex is all that matters!! Great job

And time and time again, teen sex has led to teen pregnancy, welfare, poor financial outcomes, child abuse, dissatisfaction with life, anxiety, and depression.

Bit you think teens having sex is all that matters!! Poor job

There is no one on DCUM that is gonna have a teen that gets and stays pregnant. Give me a break

And giving your kids autonomy doesn't mean that equals sex. It's your fear which is why you put them in a chokehold to do nothing. If you communicate and trust and teach your kids to be adults before they leave college, they are much better off.

The amount of kids leaving college crying home to mommy before one semester over is insane. They can't cope because they don't have Mommy to guide them.

Awww...GOP has taken away the rights to abortion in most states. Is this a third world country??

Well, good thing we're in Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this is somewhat new. Yes I’d ask if parents were going to be home. Very ok to do. And a good example to your kids of how you care, set limits (which will be adjusted as they demonstrate maturity and get older). This doesn’t meant you are calling for your HS senior. But new and age 15, yes I would.

Just bc I call doesn’t have anything to do with the type of conversations I have with my kid. Of course I have these conversations about choices, sex, peer pressure, feeing attracted, being physically bs emotionally ready for sex. And talk about masterbating- know what feels good to you. If your partner is someone you feel comfortable having sec with, you should be able to talk about sex and what you like/don’t. I want my kid to have a healthy sex life and checking on parent supervision is not saying “ my kid won’t have sex.” I don’t think it will.

Just because kids can fine workarounds doesn’t mean I just pull back all limits with my hands up saying - there is nothing I can do! That is a cop out. Sharing our family values with some limits is parenting.