If your 15 year old daughter has a boyfriend do you allow her to go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Teens have sex. Man I wish I were still that into it. Who can even care about sex that much when the evolutionary impulse to breed is just not there anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

You realize her boyfriend can show up at her other friends house.

Still a NO to boyfriend's house!

You know boundaries and consequences, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

You realize her boyfriend can show up at her other friends house.

Still a NO to boyfriend's house!

You know boundaries and consequences, right?

So it’s okay to see boyfriend at random friends houses but not his house.

Bizarre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

You realize her boyfriend can show up at her other friends house.

Still a NO to boyfriend's house!

You know boundaries and consequences, right?

So it’s okay to see boyfriend at random friends houses but not his house.

Bizarre

I guess no boundaries at your home, huh?

[Anonymous]

There is a train of thought in this thread that seems to suggest that any boundary is worthless so why have any at all. Part of our job as parents is to reflect our values in the boundaries we set for our kids, and it's developmentally appropriate for teens to buck against them, but that dance still plays a role in shaping the adults they become. Setting boundaries gives kids a sense of security and models for them how to set personal boundaries as well. Just because a kid will figure out how to test them, push them, break them, doesn't mean they don't have value.

[Anonymous]

Of course I allowed it. Seriously? I grew up in the strictest of families and even my mom allowed me to go to a BF's house to "watch a movie" I want my kids to have dating relationships, if that is something they ask permission for, we discuss it, and I allow based on what I know about the other kid. I want my kids going to a permitted, known, boyfriends house -- not sneaking out after I am asleep in an uber to go have sex with some person from Instagram (which is what I'm hearing goes on, particularly with the kids that don't speak to their parents)

My kid still tests limits but I am comfortable that I know more than most parents do about where they are.

[Anonymous]

These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- but I don’t want my 15 y.o. having sex so I won’t enable it. In a few years when I know she can effectively give consent then she can sneak around behind my proverbial back.

Wow. OP here. That's quite a leap to say that you'd be enabling if you just let her hang out at someone's house. Do you let her go to anyone's house?

Not PP, but this is not just anyone's house. This is her boyfriend's house. So I agree, NOPE, not at 15!

You realize her boyfriend can show up at her other friends house.

Still a NO to boyfriend's house!

You know boundaries and consequences, right?

So it’s okay to see boyfriend at random friends houses but not his house.

Bizarre

I guess no boundaries at your home, huh?

You sound like a psycho

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a train of thought in this thread that seems to suggest that any boundary is worthless so why have any at all. Part of our job as parents is to reflect our values in the boundaries we set for our kids, and it's developmentally appropriate for teens to buck against them, but that dance still plays a role in shaping the adults they become. Setting boundaries gives kids a sense of security and models for them how to set personal boundaries as well. Just because a kid will figure out how to test them, push them, break them, doesn't mean they don't have value.

+1
Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

You don't get it. The Goal is NOT "no sex for teens". It's about boundaries, boundaries for a 15 year old girl.

Too much permissive and uninvolved parenting advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

You don't get it. The Goal is NOT "no sex for teens". It's about boundaries, boundaries for a 15 year old girl.

Too much permissive and uninvolved parenting advice here.

The boundary you can’t go to your boyfriends house is a meaningless boundary hence just a platitude to make you feel good about your lack of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These discussions about teens and dating always make me wonder a little bit about what it is that parents really value and how they think you get there. If the goal is "no sex for teens" then basically you shouldn't let them out of the house. If they are getting in cars, going on walks, visiting friends (not just boyfriend's house) the opportunity will be there. It seems curious to me to put so much emphasis on limits/boundaries that are essentially meaningless in attaining that goal.
So what's the other option - actually I'd like my teens to respect and value themselves enough that they decide when they have sex and that they do it safely and with full consent. I want them educated, I want them confident, and I want them to own this very important part of themselves and treat it with respect. Everything we know about education and sex is this leads to better outcomes. But to do that you have to approach sex as a positive thing, not as a scary thing that nobody will talk about and you definitely can't go to your boyfriends house because what if....
Listen people, the average age to have sex for first time is 17. That means LOT of 15 and 16 year olds are getting busy. I'm gonna guess exactly nobody delays having sex because their parents impose arbitrary rules about whose house they can go to. Have the hard conversations, it's really worth it.

You don't get it. The Goal is NOT "no sex for teens". It's about boundaries, boundaries for a 15 year old girl.

Too much permissive and uninvolved parenting advice here.

The boundary you can’t go to your boyfriends house is a meaningless boundary hence just a platitude to make you feel good about your lack of parenting.

Please explain how "meaningless" of a boundary is when I tell my teen daughter she can't go to her boyfriend's house.

Please, your are worse than a teen!

[Anonymous]

You guys are so naïve about this. Anyone telling their parents that they are going to BF or GF's house is not going there to have sex. A lot of the time it is at a friends or when meeting with a group of friends. DS blurted the goings on in his circle once and it is enlightening.

[Anonymous]

It is like you guys are arguing how securely the windows must be locked while leaving the front door wide open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is like you guys are arguing how securely the windows must be locked while leaving the front door wide open.

Just because the princess wants to leave her door open, it doesn't mean I'm going to enable her/it.

Shut the door ladies!