suspect DW is cheating - any value in getting PI to get proof?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.livesaymyers.com/adultery/

Thanks for being the only helpful response here. Most others seem to be biased at me being a man who has self respect to divorce a cheating wife. I will be contacting this lawyer for more advice.

personally I was not impressed with my consult there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slowly start moving money into a new account she can't find. And once enough money has been moved, start divorce proceedings.

This is terrible advice. Right now you have the high ground, and no matter what folks say about "the court doesn't care," individual judges kind of do. With the amount of money under discussion here, your STBX will absolutely hire someone to find hidden money, and the judge will hate that even more than her adultery. Keep the high ground, but move quickly and decisively.

Exactly. Forensic accounting. Then she might get more if you are found out to be hiding money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find out the three biggest name divorce lawyers in your area. You need to have meetings with all of them and explain the situation. That puts them in a conflict of interest situation if your wife tries to hire them. Worth the thousand or so you will be out to meet with people you don't end up using but screws her

This is a stupid tactic in a major metro area.

Very stupid and a waste of money. There are enough good lawyers in the area to go around.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is worth your time. You can check your state but I believe she would not get alimony if she is cheating. In your case that is quite a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will absolutely help. You won't have to pay her alimony. You'll still need to pay child support though if she ends up with primary residence of the children.

he will have to pay child support no matter where his wife lives. Has nothing to do with the marital house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find out the three biggest name divorce lawyers in your area. You need to have meetings with all of them and explain the situation. That puts them in a conflict of interest situation if your wife tries to hire them. Worth the thousand or so you will be out to meet with people you don't end up using but screws her

This is a stupid tactic in a major metro area.

Very stupid and a waste of money. There are enough good lawyers in the area to go around.

Yes completely ridiculous. This is from a movie or tv show I recently watched but I can’t remember which one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

is cheating a no fault divorce? if adultery is proven? hence my question..

Op here .. would be nice if anyone in legal profession can chime in (we are in VA) .. of course I am also looking at getting legal advice but I feel like I need some answers now (weekend) and will only be torturing myself waiting till the weekday to talk to a laywer

Dude, we can see if she is cheating it is because you abuse her emotionally or control issues. Your last sentence tells the rest of us all we need to know. You posted on social media and now are mad that the "professionals" have not answered you.

Clearly, you are not reading the posts.

No matter what you say or what she has possibly done 50/50 dude nothing less.

That's the law period.

You can keep her in court for years, burn your money down, alienate your children, and let everyone know the POS you really are, but in the end, it's still 50/50 and the judge will make you pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is worth your time. You can check your state but I believe she would not get alimony if she is cheating. In your case that is quite a lot of money.

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is worth your time. You can check your state but I believe she would not get alimony if she is cheating. In your case that is quite a lot of money.

Wrong.

OP- my spouse had an affair recently.

It is correct that alimony can be denied.

Sorry this is happening to you. It does a psychological number on you.

The sheer amount of vitriol I felt was scary and primal. After the anger finally goes, the intense disgust sets in. Losers.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a good divorce lawyer. I'll bet they have a long list of good PIs. Plus he/she will give you proven advice on how to proceed.

[Anonymous]

No, actually, PP, if you think your spouse is cheating, the last thing you want to do is confront them before having evidence. Cheaters are liars. When they are confronted they will lie, deny, and gaslight.

I don’t know why OP suspects cheating, but if he has suspicions, he would be wise to look more deeply. OP, look at computer history, credit card purchases, the telephone bill and the numbers called look, at the gas mileage on the car, and put a GPS in the trunk. Something simple like a tile will tell you where the car goes. If you find evidence, then discuss with an attorney because evidence that you collect will not be admissible in court.

Keep your mouth shut and your eyes wide open.

I agree. But here's why. My DH convinced himself last summer that I was having an affair. I wasn't---like a PP above said---Covid just made people crazy and I would get out of the house more---take walks, go to my office. But DH finally asked me, after becoming increasingly irritable and drinking to excess over an 8 week period. I was blown away that he thought I was cheating on him and my feelings are still hurt that his opinion of my character was so low that he thought this was a possibility (though I understood why he was paranoid---his best friend had just gotten divorced because his wife had cheated). But had my DH checked all of those things, it would have shown that I was not carrying on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is worth your time. You can check your state but I believe she would not get alimony if she is cheating. In your case that is quite a lot of money.

Wrong.

OP- my spouse had an affair recently.

It is correct that alimony can be denied.

Sorry this is happening to you. It does a psychological number on you.

The sheer amount of vitriol I felt was scary and primal. After the anger finally goes, the intense disgust sets in. Losers.

How’s the divorce going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, actually, PP, if you think your spouse is cheating, the last thing you want to do is confront them before having evidence. Cheaters are liars. When they are confronted they will lie, deny, and gaslight.

I don’t know why OP suspects cheating, but if he has suspicions, he would be wise to look more deeply. OP, look at computer history, credit card purchases, the telephone bill and the numbers called look, at the gas mileage on the car, and put a GPS in the trunk. Something simple like a tile will tell you where the car goes. If you find evidence, then discuss with an attorney because evidence that you collect will not be admissible in court.

Keep your mouth shut and your eyes wide open.

I agree. But here's why. My DH convinced himself last summer that I was having an affair. I wasn't---like a PP above said---Covid just made people crazy and I would get out of the house more---take walks, go to my office. But DH finally asked me, after becoming increasingly irritable and drinking to excess over an 8 week period. I was blown away that he thought I was cheating on him and my feelings are still hurt that his opinion of my character was so low that he thought this was a possibility (though I understood why he was paranoid---his best friend had just gotten divorced because his wife had cheated). But had my DH checked all of those things, it would have shown that I was not carrying on.

I am PP to whom you are responding. I agree that at some point you have to ask the spouse directly if they are cheating - just not before you have waited and watched for a month or so at least. That gives you time to see if there’s any evidence, and time to cool down and think about what you really want in life, and time to get proper legal advice.

[Anonymous]

^ they will lie and them cover their tracks, go deeper underground.

Put a gps tracker on the car and a voice activated recorder inside.

Gather the evidence you need first.

They don’t need to know that you used either of those devices.

Cheaters today use internet apps to communicate so there is no phone or text trace. Burner email accounts too. Check Skype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a good divorce lawyer. I'll bet they have a long list of good PIs. Plus he/she will give you proven advice on how to proceed.

+1