suspect DW is cheating - any value in getting PI to get proof?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all reeks that you are cheating as well and want to get our guilt-free.
Why do I say this? Cheaters see cheating in everything. You are nothing but a classic example.

No. I am divorced. Thank God. There are bad marriages. And people who continue to assume it is always good. Life is not that simple.

Could have cared less about cheating. Never happened but would not have mattered if it did (ex had a hall pass he did not use). I wished he would leave me...for years. My point is if the marriage is bad, people are not “throwing away stability” with cheating. It simply might not be there and there is nothing to lose and it is already over. If the marriage is good, cheating is awful. If it is bad, cheating truly is irrelevant. I can’t stand the assumption just because people are married, it must be “good” or “stable.” Mine looked that way but it could not have been further than the truth. A lot of marriages are like this.

If OP is unhappy, he should leave. She will get 50/50. She might not get alimony if he wants to attempt to prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all reeks that you are cheating as well and want to get our guilt-free.
Why do I say this? Cheaters see cheating in everything. You are nothing but a classic example.

No. I am divorced. Thank God. There are bad marriages. And people who continue to assume it is always good. Life is not that simple.

Could have cared less about cheating. Never happened but would not have mattered if it did (ex had a hall pass he did not use). I wished he would leave me...for years. My point is if the marriage is bad, people are not “throwing away stability” with cheating. It simply might not be there and there is nothing to lose and it is already over. If the marriage is good, cheating is awful. If it is bad, cheating truly is irrelevant. I can’t stand the assumption just because people are married, it must be “good” or “stable.” Mine looked that way but it could not have been further than the truth. A lot of marriages are like this.

If OP is unhappy, he should leave. She will get 50/50. She might not get alimony if he wants to attempt to prove it.

Yes, yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, former divorce/family law attorney here.

I’m sorry you are feeling how you’re feeling right now. I hope you find out that your wife isn’t cheating, just keeping a different schedule because of pandemic life. Since you won’t share details of your suspicions, it’s hard to even guess.

If you are being cheated on, I’m sorry. That’s awful and painful and makes people feel rageful and vengeful.

Please read this advice and mull it very carefully:

Don’t waste your treasure - money and emotional energy - engaging in a long protracted hostile dissolution. There will be plenty of lawyers willing to take you down that path and many of them are really good at stoking your bad wolf in subtle ways to keep you hooked on the drug of high conflict litigation. Don’t let this happen to you,

because,

Your children, no matter what age they are today, will someday hear about everything you do in the process of dissolution of your marriage. And they likely won’t hear the best version. In the meantime they’ll absorb your energy, whatever kind you choose to wallow in as you go about this next stage of your marriage. These things will imprint on them and shape their attitudes not only toward you and your wife, but toward any intimacy they try to establish with other people the rest of their lives. Model love, forgiveness, compassion, composure. Remember always that this is your children’s mother and no matter what she’s done to you in terms of betraying the vows of fidelity, they should always have your permission and encouragement to love her. Don’t use them as a sounding board actively or passively (little pitchers have big ears) as you vent about her. Make sure those conversations are held with other supportive adults only - friend, relative, therapist - out of any potential earshot of the children you share.

I hope you find out it’s not what you think. If it is, please heed my advice. It’s hard won after witnessing a great many couples self destruct and crush their children’s innocence in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

is cheating a no fault divorce? if adultery is proven? hence my question..

Op here .. would be nice if anyone in legal profession can chime in (we are in VA) .. of course I am also looking at getting legal advice but I feel like I need some answers now (weekend) and will only be torturing myself waiting till the weekday to talk to a laywer

How do you make millions a year and not have a lawyer on speed dial? I make a decent money and have several types of investments, I have 5 or 6 lawyers I can call 24/7 and know they will answer.

[Anonymous]

Get the proof so you can be 100 percent sure