suspect DW is cheating - any value in getting PI to get proof?

[Anonymous]

A few thoughts:

1. Confirm that she's cheating with a PI. This is for your own peace of mind.
2. Find your own piece on the side. See how that impacts your marriage, if at all. If you like your side piece better and value that new pleasure over keeping the family together, then leave.
3. If you decide to leave, try divorce mediation instead of the traditional divorce litigation. It's a lot cheaper than divorce litigation.
4. Good chance that she gets half and continues to screw the side dude, except she won't hide it from you anymore.
5. Keep your head up. Life's too short to stay mad.

[Anonymous]

OP.. Are you cheating? Is she cheating because you made too much money and were not a husband you promised to be? Sorry... cheating is bad but being stuck at home and raising kids and never see you also must have been not so great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few thoughts:

1. Confirm that she's cheating with a PI. This is for your own peace of mind.
2. Find your own piece on the side. See how that impacts your marriage, if at all. If you like your side piece better and value that new pleasure over keeping the family together, then leave.
3. If you decide to leave, try divorce mediation instead of the traditional divorce litigation. It's a lot cheaper than divorce litigation.
4. Good chance that she gets half and continues to screw the side dude, except she won't hide it from you anymore.
5. Keep your head up. Life's too short to stay mad.

Side dudes have a habit of disappearing once woman gets divorced and becomes available

Take the higher ground. Leave out #2, don’t seek to her lowness and hold your head high. Once you divorce you can bang all the women you want...and with a clear conscience to take to the grave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.. Are you cheating? Is she cheating because you made too much money and were not a husband you promised to be? Sorry... cheating is bad but being stuck at home and raising kids and never see you also must have been not so great.

You don’t solve problems by cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will absolutely help. You won't have to pay her alimony. You'll still need to pay child support though if she ends up with primary residence of the children.

he will have to pay child support no matter where his wife lives. Has nothing to do with the marital house.

bolded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.. Are you cheating? Is she cheating because you made too much money and were not a husband you promised to be? Sorry... cheating is bad but being stuck at home and raising kids and never see you also must have been not so great.

You don’t solve problems by cheating.

No you don't, but neither by neglect. And average situation is that when husband cheats, it is okay, but when wife cheats it is not okay.
Because husband has god given right to supplement services? while the wife has a right to remain silent???

[Anonymous]

OP, chances are that if you put so much efforts and attention and money into making your marriage works when she came to you first you would not be here.
Maybe..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.. Are you cheating? Is she cheating because you made too much money and were not a husband you promised to be? Sorry... cheating is bad but being stuck at home and raising kids and never see you also must have been not so great.

You don’t solve problems by cheating.

No you don't, but neither by neglect. And average situation is that when husband cheats, it is okay, but when wife cheats it is not okay.
Because husband has god given right to supplement services? while the wife has a right to remain silent???

I don’t know anybody that thinks a man cheating is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

is cheating a no fault divorce? if adultery is proven? hence my question..

What state are you in? First off, she is still getting 50/50 in assets in a divorce regardless in most states. If you want to file for adultery in VA, you can, and it can be hard to prove. But the only thing this does is 2 things: 1) run up your attorney fees to divorce sky high and 2) it could prevent her from getting alimony if proven. Most people do not get alimony but you make enough that she might.

You should consult an attorney before doing anything, including getting a PI. She is still getting 50/50 assets in a divorce regardless.

They have an 8 figure net worth.
Call it 10M.

Even if total lawyer fees are $200k that’s still only 2% of their net worth.

This is why it is worth it for rich people to use aggressive lawyers in a divorce. Yes the legal system is stacked for the rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

is cheating a no fault divorce? if adultery is proven? hence my question..

What state are you in? First off, she is still getting 50/50 in assets in a divorce regardless in most states. If you want to file for adultery in VA, you can, and it can be hard to prove. But the only thing this does is 2 things: 1) run up your attorney fees to divorce sky high and 2) it could prevent her from getting alimony if proven. Most people do not get alimony but you make enough that she might.

You should consult an attorney before doing anything, including getting a PI. She is still getting 50/50 assets in a divorce regardless.

They have an 8 figure net worth.
Call it 10M.

Even if total lawyer fees are $200k that’s still only 2% of their net worth.

This is why it is worth it for rich people to use aggressive lawyers in a divorce. Yes the legal system is stacked for the rich.

Fighting is unlikely to get either of them more than 50% of assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

is cheating a no fault divorce? if adultery is proven? hence my question..

What state are you in? First off, she is still getting 50/50 in assets in a divorce regardless in most states. If you want to file for adultery in VA, you can, and it can be hard to prove. But the only thing this does is 2 things: 1) run up your attorney fees to divorce sky high and 2) it could prevent her from getting alimony if proven. Most people do not get alimony but you make enough that she might.

You should consult an attorney before doing anything, including getting a PI. She is still getting 50/50 assets in a divorce regardless.

They have an 8 figure net worth.
Call it 10M.

Even if total lawyer fees are $200k that’s still only 2% of their net worth.

This is why it is worth it for rich people to use aggressive lawyers in a divorce. Yes the legal system is stacked for the rich.

Fighting is unlikely to get either of them more than 50% of assets.

My lawyer (not a cheap lawyer) says DC courts never see people with 10mm net worth in DC court in front of a judge. They value their assets and money. Create trusts for kids, settle etc. Only poor stupid people fight over $5K spent in 5 years on jewelry for a mistress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

is cheating a no fault divorce? if adultery is proven? hence my question..

What state are you in? First off, she is still getting 50/50 in assets in a divorce regardless in most states. If you want to file for adultery in VA, you can, and it can be hard to prove. But the only thing this does is 2 things: 1) run up your attorney fees to divorce sky high and 2) it could prevent her from getting alimony if proven. Most people do not get alimony but you make enough that she might.

You should consult an attorney before doing anything, including getting a PI. She is still getting 50/50 assets in a divorce regardless.

They have an 8 figure net worth.
Call it 10M.

Even if total lawyer fees are $200k that’s still only 2% of their net worth.

This is why it is worth it for rich people to use aggressive lawyers in a divorce. Yes the legal system is stacked for the rich.

Fighting is unlikely to get either of them more than 50% of assets.

My lawyer (not a cheap lawyer) says DC courts never see people with 10mm net worth in DC court in front of a judge. They value their assets and money. Create trusts for kids, settle etc. Only poor stupid people fight over $5K spent in 5 years on jewelry for a mistress

I agree. I am the PP you are responding to. Litigating is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can prove she is cheating you will not need to pay alimony.

But she’s getting half the pie anyway. And I am a lawyer.

+1

[Anonymous]

No, ask her. No one cares she cheated. You will be stuck with 1/2 of everything to her, alimony and child support. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP, your concern for your kids?