Wife having mid-life crisis and not sure how to respond

[Anonymous]

I went through the exact same thing. I ended up having an affair. I'm now divorced but I have worked through my shit. I learned after the fact that I was depressed. I don't blame my husband whatsoever for me cheating. It was wrong and I own it. I am impressed that the OP recognizes what is going on and is concerned. Your wife is very lucky. Perhaps suggest she see a therapist. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has been openly saying she feels in the midst of a mid-life crisis. She is 42. We have what most would consider a very good setup. Nice house, upper middle income, healthy, smart kids, good public schools. In the last couple of years, she has become very obsessed with her looks. She looks good, but she looks 42 (and I don't mean that in a bad way, in a good way, great shape, attractive but she doesn't pass for younger). Every time we go out, she asks random people how old they think she is and they usually guess about 40ish. You can only imagine how great last night was when the bartender carded me and not her (I am 39). She talks botox, being invisible, etc. etc.

Lots of talk about "this is it, nothing left to look forward to." She is a SAHM, youngest is school full time. She says she wants to go back to work, but she is looking for the perfect part time job. FWIW, I am totally fine with her staying home or working, as long as she is happy. We don't need the money.

I am at a loss of what to say, how to support her. I am the typical male, problem solver, but I can't solve what doesn't seem to be broken.

Is this something that will naturally pass? I know much of this is typical but its been going on for a while and her obsession with her supposed aging looks is getting tiresome.

Sorry for the long post. Appreciate any suggestions.

She's facing the stiff dick of reality that all women face as they get older. Just another reminder that men age like fine wine while women age like milk.

This isn't true. Have you looked around at the middle aged and olden men around here?

+1.

No shit! I just went to my 20th HS reunion and the men were a MESS. Fat, bald, and sloppy. Many of the women looked amazing. They were fit and made the men look like absolute pigs. It was pretty funny seeing how the former hot jock was not a bloated mess.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I am ok with having never been pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has been openly saying she feels in the midst of a mid-life crisis. She is 42. We have what most would consider a very good setup. Nice house, upper middle income, healthy, smart kids, good public schools. In the last couple of years, she has become very obsessed with her looks. She looks good, but she looks 42 (and I don't mean that in a bad way, in a good way, great shape, attractive but she doesn't pass for younger). Every time we go out, she asks random people how old they think she is and they usually guess about 40ish. You can only imagine how great last night was when the bartender carded me and not her (I am 39). She talks botox, being invisible, etc. etc.

Lots of talk about "this is it, nothing left to look forward to." She is a SAHM, youngest is school full time. She says she wants to go back to work, but she is looking for the perfect part time job. FWIW, I am totally fine with her staying home or working, as long as she is happy. We don't need the money.

I am at a loss of what to say, how to support her. I am the typical male, problem solver, but I can't solve what doesn't seem to be broken.

Is this something that will naturally pass? I know much of this is typical but its been going on for a while and her obsession with her supposed aging looks is getting tiresome.

Sorry for the long post. Appreciate any suggestions.

She's facing the stiff dick of reality that all women face as they get older. Just another reminder that men age like fine wine while women age like milk.

This isn't true. Have you looked around at the middle aged and olden men around here?

+1.

No shit! I just went to my 20th HS reunion and the men were a MESS. Fat, bald, and sloppy. Many of the women looked amazing. They were fit and made the men look like absolute pigs. It was pretty funny seeing how the former hot jock was not a bloated mess.

Ugh, posts like this are why I'm not even tempted to go to one of these reunions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Radical acceptance.

Or a trip out west to wine country, lots of room service, a well-spent gift card and recreating scenes from your favourite erotic blog. That would cheer me up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This isn't true. Have you looked around at the middle aged and olden men around here?

Yes, I have. They have many more dating options than the middle aged "olden" women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There's some, like 13 year old boy, or gross, fat 50 year old man, who always posts this. I hope you have a daughter, or eventually have a daughter, who can learn from you that she's worthless.

This is why I teach my daughter to hit the books, excel in school and not rely on men to validate her self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister resorted to plastic surgery. She didn't need more than at most the bags removed under her eyes but she went for a face lift. Now she barely resembles herself but she likes it.

Another success story!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No shit! I just went to my 20th HS reunion and the men were a MESS. Fat, bald, and sloppy. Many of the women looked amazing. They were fit and made the men look like absolute pigs. It was pretty funny seeing how the former hot jock was not a bloated mess.

Their wallet size overcomes their "sloppiness." Tell me you knew.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is a serious danger point for women. I'm in it, I recognize it, but so hard to get out of it.

[Anonymous]

A woman turning 40 seems to be the death knell of many a marriage...

[Anonymous]

Does your wife like to read, OP? There is a book my DH and I both read recently called "Life Reimagined" about midlife. I think the subtitle is something like "the science, art and opportunity of midlife." The author describes the research on happiness and crisis at midlife and the practices that promote happiness. Its a good read.

Also, when she talks about being unhappy, do you try to cheer her up by saying things like "sure there are!" etc? Maybe try "yeah, this midlife stuff is hard. Sometimes I feel like x" or "yeah, I've noticed my body changing, too. Its hard to take." Just feeling heard may help, if you've been in cheerleading mode rather than in sympathizing mode. Good luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your wife like to read, OP? There is a book my DH and I both read recently called "Life Reimagined" about midlife. I think the subtitle is something like "the science, art and opportunity of midlife." The author describes the research on happiness and crisis at midlife and the practices that promote happiness. Its a good read.

Also, when she talks about being unhappy, do you try to cheer her up by saying things like "sure there are!" etc? Maybe try "yeah, this midlife stuff is hard. Sometimes I feel like x" or "yeah, I've noticed my body changing, too. Its hard to take." Just feeling heard may help, if you've been in cheerleading mode rather than in sympathizing mode. Good luck to you both!

Sorry, meant to ask whether OP says "sure there are!" when OP says there are no good things left to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Pay for her to get Botox.

[Anonymous]

Have her get a job. Not for the money, but to keep her busy and it'll keep her mind off her looks.