Career or divorce
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Anonymous
Dude you are not a Supreme Court justice. The law exists in Texas just like it does here. You're just looking for excuses not to go. Have fun explaining that to your 2 year old when they can't remember having an intact family. Oh, and flying them to Texas for visitation for the next 10 or so years. |
Anonymous
That's not at all what your OP asked. |
Anonymous
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Let's try this to reason this situation:
Who earns more money? You or DH? Who has better health care plan? You or DH? Where do both of you have family? Does he have any other option but to relocate, would he lose his job otherwise? Have you looked for work in Texas yet? How many hours is your CH in child care here? What is your quality of life here as opposed to what it might be there, better or worse? If you didn't work for a few months would that be a financial hardship for your family? Are you older and scared of moving and losing your friends as well? Have you looked at houses in Texas to see what is in your price range, maybe just on his salary? Would you lose some retirement money or would it transfer? Would you like to spend time with your DC and not work? I think this would be a good start that you have already considered all these for sure, but maybe put it down on paper? Also, is he threatening with a divorce unless you follow him is important question as well. |
Anonymous
If that was your intent, your thread title, placement in Off-Topic and much of the information provided in the OP (plus lack of mention of your daughter) derailed your thread because you exposed a lot of relationship issues and posters are responding to those. If you really want advice on the Dallas legal market, I suggest you repost in Jobs and Careers with a title that says something like 'Advice on Dallas legal market without existing connections'. Not 'Career or Divorce'. That thread belongs over in the non-explicit forum. |
Anonymous
I feel so sorry for you DD. You are clearly me first, screw the rest kind of person. How can you possibly write so matter of fact about a child splitting her time between two parents who might live so far away. I hope she goes to live with her dad. |
Anonymous
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Op, this is a marital issue, and then a career issue 2nd.
Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? Do you consider yourselves equal partners in your marriage? Do you love your child? How do you think your decisions together will impact him or her. Marital counseling, stat. |
Anonymous
Because your title basically suggest that you are willing to give up your marriage and subject a young child to a long-distance co-custody situation FOR your career. I'm totally fine with women or men having career is priority, but you really shouldn't have a child if you don't expect to (at least while the child is young) prioritize the child at least at the same level of the career. It sounds like your husband has put your marriage and family OVER his career a number of times. You admitted that his career has likely suffered from not staying in the same place. It is selfish to expect that from a partner but not reciprocate in some way. If you never intended to reciprocate or compromise, then you probably should not have gotten married. It's one thing to be serious about your career. It's another thing to make other commitments -- a commitment to a marriage, having a child -- but expecting those commitments to always take a backseat to your career. Don't expect people to have any sympathy for you. You clearly show concerns over the repercussions to your career if you move to Texas. But there is absolutely no mention or concern about the repercussions to your daughter if you divorce and live across the country from your the man with whom you share custody with. What happens when she starts school? What is the impact to her education and childhood of having to split her time between homes several states apart? And you are the one who mentioned divorce. It's in your title. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Totally agree. If you're willing to consider divorce over THIS, I wonder how good your marriage really is. Sorry. Prioritize your family, move to Dallas and look for a job when you get there. It sounds like you'll be snatched up in no time. |
Anonymous
| OP - find a headhunter. |
Anonymous
It isn't what you asked. Previous posters have questioned the fact that your first reaction was that your only option was divorce, before you even tried to research the Dallas legal market, much less made any effort at finding a job (or even found Irving on map? Yes, Irving is suburb of Dallas --think Fairfax County vs. DC). As someone noted, this is Dallas, not Baghdad. In fact, I find it hard to believe anyone active in biglaw in DC would be completely unaware of the big Dallas firms, since most of them have offices here in DC. (For example, I've never practiced in Cleveland, but I know the big firms there -- and it's a smaller legal market than Dallas.) I'm also questioning your bizarre idea that law firms don't hire mid-level associates as laterals. I'll chalk it up to the fact that you've spent most of your career clerking. However, now you asked, here's a start: http://www.vault.com/company-rankings/law/best-law-firms-in-each-us-region/?sRankID=14 These firms are not all headquartered in Dallas, but I believe they all have substantial Dallas offices. There are 21 Fortune 500 companies headquartered in Dallas-Ft. Worth area, including Exxon-Mobil (Irving), ATT&T, American Airlines, Flour (Irving) and Kimberly Clark (Irving), and more moving to the area all the time. The oil industry has been hit hard by low oil prices, but it's interesting to note that there are only three oil companies on this list. A quick search using the term "Dallas legal market" turned up the following article, which notes: Four elite firms — Gibson Dunn, King & Spalding, Latham & Watkins and Sidley Austin — have stormed the Texas market since 2009. They now have a combined 349 Texas-based lawyers generating more than $360 million in revenue...“We think there’s still significant growth opportunities here,” said Yvette Ostolaza, managing partner of Sidley’s Dallas operation. “Our revenues here are as good, maybe even better, than the national average. So we will continue to seek additional strategic hires.” http://www.dallasnews.com/business/business-headlines/20150523-elite-law-firms-take-texas-by-storm.ece Finding this information took me about five minutes. In your years of clerking, you must have some finely honed research skills. The fact that you didn't even try to find this information yourself before contemplating divorce does make me think you have no intention of supporting your husband as he has supported you. I am shocked by how blasé you seem to be about the impact of this on your child. Again, your husband is not asking you to move to an area in which you cannot practice the type of sophisticated litigation you seem to crave. If you can't make such a relatively minor sacrifice for your husband and child, then you really do have bigger problems. |
Anonymous
Give me a break. You're a biglaw senior (as am I) in DC and you can't name the biglaw firms in Dallas off the top of your head? You really don't know that Akin Gump and V&E are huge there? You really don't know that complex commercial lit is the big litigation sector for big firms? You really have no one else you can ask besides a bunch of non lawyers on DCUM? Maybe look on LinkedIn and see who from your law school class ended up in Dallas and where they work? Maybe call one of the TWO judges you clerked for - if you're close - and talk with them, as sometimes judges are good sounding boards for their clerks forever. As for a split not being a big deal bc she'll spend time with both of you -- think about it. This isn't a split where you'd be living down the road from each other so she could do M-W with you and R-S with her dad. This is across the country, so essentially one person gets her full time. She'll be at least 12 before she can fly to the other parent for a weekend as an unaccompanied minor. So that means for the next decade, whichever parent isn't with her -- if they care -- is flying back and forth to Dallas or DC to try to get to know their daughter in hopes that when she's a teen/preteen she will want to spend summers with that other parent. If that's how it works out, fine. But it IS a big deal. |
Anonymous
| I would not move to Texas. End of story. So I'd either try the (sort of) bicoastal thing or divorce. |
Anonymous
| I can't believe all of the shitheads giving you a hard time and telling you to suck it up and move!!!! Sooooo sexist. You have a great career here, why should you give it up just because you're a woman? I would not move. Sometimes relationships just don't work out because of circumstance. This may be one of those situations. |
Anonymous
I have a great career too, which I didn't want to sacrifice. So guess what -- I didn't marry and have a kid until I was ready to sacrifice; and if I wasn't ready, I would have stayed single. Point is -- OP's DH has moved for her FOUR times in EIGHT years. This isn't a man who won't sacrifice for a woman's career, yet she won't even CONSIDER the idea of sacrificing for him by even calling a headhunter and figuring out the Dallas market before she throws in the towel. |