Why did you cheat on your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People actually cheat when husband get fat?
What is wrong with you?

What's good for the goose is good for the gander I guess.

Agree with this. Getting fat on your spouse is just plain lazy, unattractive, and disrespectful. Demonstrates you have "given up" on the relationship.
Oh am I being too harsh on something that's out of his/her control?
Almost every time I have seen these couples split up, the heavy one suddenly regained control and got thin again to reenter the dating pool.
How incredibly selfish and rude is that!

Hahah, I think it's great. Either way, cheating is NEVER an excuse. You always have choices. Compromise, counseling, or divorce and then DATE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because spouse unilaterally decided that sex and intimacy were not "priorities." After seeing a counselor, numerous discussions and even begging over 3 years to no result, I had an affair with a similarly situated married man. After a while when I stopped mentioning sex to my spouse, and I am sure that they know or suspect as they know that I am a very physically affectionate and sexual person. I do not have any regrets.

What a friend of mine said, until she got HPV. You really are taking chances, hopefully you made him wear a condom and no "unsafe" practices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people especially men get caught. Almost every woman I know checks up on their husband.

What always surprises me is the cheater is so angry when they lose 1/2 the house, kids, and their check is garnished. If you cheat, at least accept the consequences gracefully.

So these women who spend time checking up on their husbands, I wonder if they spent that time investing in their husbands needs, would be a lot less cheating husbands?

The consequences you mentioned are not those of cheating but of divorce. So there's at least the possibility of not getting caught in cheating, versus the certain consequences of divorce. By the way a divorce settlement is generally an even split so I'm not sure why you attempt to portray the non-Cheater as getting some better deal. It's the same split for both spouses, with or without any cheating.

+1. The PP assumes that if there were no cheating there would be no diviorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because spouse unilaterally decided that sex and intimacy were not "priorities." After seeing a counselor, numerous discussions and even begging over 3 years to no result, I had an affair with a similarly situated married man. After a while when I stopped mentioning sex to my spouse, and I am sure that they know or suspect as they know that I am a very physically affectionate and sexual person. I do not have any regrets.

What a friend of mine said, until she got HPV. You really are taking chances, hopefully you made him wear a condom and no "unsafe" practices.

Yea, we actaully took care of that. But I was not taking any more chances than a single woman who dates and has sex occasionally. So I am not sure I agree with that notion of your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is the cause and effect of many divorces.

Most get caught because time gaps before or after work. Phone bill, checking up on spouse visually. A spouse who get's angry or defensive if you ask questions or check up is a big red flag. *He who hides nothing, has nothing to hide. A secretive spouse who doesn't want you using their phone or computer is another.

If your spouse travels, have someone from that city see what they are doing when the conference ends. How a friend caught hers. She didn't tell him until 8 mo later because she wanted to get the upper hand and secure more money, then filed divorce. She did well, much to his distress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

A spouse that continues to refuse is long done with you. Had many friends like this, stay for the kids and lifestyle. I've known many that do know their husbands cheated and why they don't ever want to have sex again. If they do it's as little as possible.

You can't have sex with someone that is a cheater, too risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

You are either a sociopath or border line one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

[Anonymous]

Have not done it but getting close. Sex is off the table from wife. She has never been high drive, I knew that but was ok with it, but now no drive. Married 8 years. I have no desire to cheat, and I'm not sure I would do it because honestly my wife is the only one that I want to sleep with. That said, partners who don't engage in sex with the other that wants it-I don't think you really understand how soul crushing it is. Its not about getting off, hell I would be happy if my wife let pleasure her and not even focus on me, because that would be some sort of connection. But to lie in bed at night with the person you have pledged your life to and for her to not care about what you need or want, to know after you tell her how much it hurts and offer reasonable and achievable solutions, and she says no is probably the most painful feeling in the world. Yes we could get divorced, or she could work on herself and our marriage-which is the more logical solution? I'm not perfect by any stretch, but there is never any circumstance that has arisen or I could ever see arising, where my wife says this is hurting me and I just say I know and make no effort on my part to change. Its horrible, but cheating probably wouldn't address this. I don't want a divorce, I love my wife and my life in every aspect except for this one. Its pure hell and I'm screwed.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy. What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me. I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions......... Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish? I don't think so, but sex does?.........

[Anonymous]

^^^^^^

Can you possibly say I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I 1 more time...

do you even notice how many times you say/write I?

[Anonymous]

Let me introduce you to a new vocabulary word... We... it's a nice word, you should think on that word for a while.