Why did you cheat on your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me introduce you to a new vocabulary word... We... it's a nice word, you should think on that word for a while.

Sure, next time my DH tells me that intimacy is not importnat to him, I will think on that word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^^

Can you possibly say I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I 1 more time...

do you even notice how many times you say/write I?

Actually it is two different people writing...so more than one person feels this way. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy. What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me. I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions......... Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish? I don't think so, but sex does?.........

+1. If I were complaining about DH and his lack of support raising the kids (see other thread) and pleaded with DH for 2-3 years about (including counseling and other things) PP's would have a completely different view of me. But because it is about sex, I am a sociopath who need professional help. GTOFH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy. What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me. I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions......... Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish? I don't think so, but sex does?.........

+1. If I were complaining about DH and his lack of support raising the kids (see other thread) and pleaded with DH for 2-3 years about (including counseling and other things) PP's would have a completely different view of me. But because it is about sex, I am a sociopath who need professional help. GTOFH!

If it were switched and no support from DH it still would NOT justify cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^^

Can you possibly say I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I 1 more time...

do you even notice how many times you say/write I?

+1 thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy. What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me. I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions......... Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish? I don't think so, but sex does?.........

+1. If I were complaining about DH and his lack of support raising the kids (see other thread) and pleaded with DH for 2-3 years about (including counseling and other things) PP's would have a completely different view of me. But because it is about sex, I am a sociopath who need professional help. GTOFH!

Misery loves company and these are some miserable folks around here. Don't touch each other, can't stand each other, just hanging on because appearances and who is going to pay the bills. MIND YOU these same folks hanging on because they don't want to give up their house and upper middle class lifestyle are calling the woman in the other thread who let a boyfriend pay for her law school tuition a whore and slut. Pots and kettles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he's bad in bed. Not willing to put forth the effort, or be creative enough, to satisfy me. Because he didn't care that our frequency was also less than I could minimally tolerate.

Add to those sex specific reasons the fact that he was okay with me being chronically unhappy with him not pulling his weight.

Presto, affair.

And I'm not sorry, either.

Good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years of lack of sex, other than wifely duty once or twice a month. Many talks, arguments, tears, attempted solutions, nothing worked. A woman showed interest, I was super lonely, felt alive again. Yes, totally cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. Affair in the past, no one found out, wife and I doing better now. The kind of affair you never hear about, because it was undiscovered and saved a marriage.

Are you sure your wife didn't find out? To what did she attribute your change?

[Anonymous]

Damn, so many whores here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn, so many whores here.

I know. I wonder how their wives can stand to kiss them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy. What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me. I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions......... Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish? I don't think so, but sex does?.........

+1. If I were complaining about DH and his lack of support raising the kids (see other thread) and pleaded with DH for 2-3 years about (including counseling and other things) PP's would have a completely different view of me. But because it is about sex, I am a sociopath who need professional help. GTOFH!

If it were switched and no support from DH it still would NOT justify cheating.

I agree in theory, but there is no other option. What I mean is that if someone is not sexually fulfilled by their spouse, they have absolutely no choice in the matter. Other needs can be met by someone else, companionship, support, empathy etc, but sex can only be met by your spouse. So yes, you could divorce and completely dissolve the marriage, but is it better to dissolve an otherwise harmonious and effective marriage based on one very significant disconnect between partners, or is it better to find another outlet by meeting that need somewhere else? The bottom line is that cheating is a middle ground. If the rest of the marriage is poor than divorce is the better option, but if a satisfying sex life is the only thing missing in an otherwise happy relationship what is the better option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn, so many whores here.

Yup, and there are lot of prudish cold fish here who look at their spouses as roommates and not lovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

PP here. Let me ask you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair. If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves. I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis. After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also. Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?

What needs of others have I put screwing above? Do my needs matter at all - especially when I articulated my unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS. That is part of the problem I have with this armchair diagnosis. Am I wrong for doing what I have done? Sure in the traditional sense. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just divorced my spouse. But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship. Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point. Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise. Not everyone is.

Sure I have. But the professional did not tell me that I was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that I was. She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage. What I wanted was not strange or irregular. She urged to me to consider divorce which I did not do.

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy. What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me. I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions......... Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish? I don't think so, but sex does?.........

+1. If I were complaining about DH and his lack of support raising the kids (see other thread) and pleaded with DH for 2-3 years about (including counseling and other things) PP's would have a completely different view of me. But because it is about sex, I am a sociopath who need professional help. GTOFH!

If it were switched and no support from DH it still would NOT justify cheating.

I agree in theory, but there is no other option. What I mean is that if someone is not sexually fulfilled by their spouse, they have absolutely no choice in the matter. Other needs can be met by someone else, companionship, support, empathy etc, but sex can only be met by your spouse. So yes, you could divorce and completely dissolve the marriage, but is it better to dissolve an otherwise harmonious and effective marriage based on one very significant disconnect between partners, or is it better to find another outlet by meeting that need somewhere else? The bottom line is that cheating is a middle ground. If the rest of the marriage is poor than divorce is the better option, but if a satisfying sex life is the only thing missing in an otherwise happy relationship what is the better option?

Cheating is the opposite of the middle ground. It is far out in out space that you probably are lacking oxygen and can't think properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn, so many whores here.

Yup, and there are lot of prudish cold fish here who look at their spouses as roommates and not lovers.

And those whores apparently have their mouth permanently sealed with cocks and pussies since they can't talk to their partner and work out a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn, so many whores here.

Yup, and there are lot of prudish cold fish here who look at their spouses as roommates and not lovers.

And those whores apparently have their mouth permanently sealed with cocks and pussies since they can't talk to their partner and work out a solution.

Right....except, before I cheated, I came to my spouse with my concerns and went to counseling about it (with him). Tried to work out a solution for 2 years. Things got worse. Then he came out and said that sex and intimacy were not important to him and that 2-3 times a year was the best I had hoped for. Should have divorced him then, but I didn't. That was my fault. But I had bought into this notion that marriage was forever and that sexual incompatibility was a poor reason to divorce. I do not regret my affair but I do wish that I had the courage to leave before I had one.