Why did you cheat on your spouse?

[Anonymous]

This is for men and women. If you cheated on your spouse, why? Were you no longer attracted to your spouse? Wanted to see what else is out there? Unhappy marriage? What was your reason?

[Anonymous]

Because he got fat.

[Anonymous]

I was looking for validation of my worth through sex.

I had a hx of being sexually abused as a child which made me believe that love = sex. When the sex in our relationship waned, I went looking for it elsewhere.

Not that it's any better, but my cheating was never physical - I engaged in inappropriate texts, etc. With an old friend.

I don't disagree I was being an asshole. I went through a lot of (much needed) therapy.

[Anonymous]

His actions showed that he did not care about me any more, he did not talk too much, did not pay attention, did not care about being attractive, never took initiative and there was no sex. I tried to talk to him about it for years, but he did not want to be criticized or did not take me seriously.

[Anonymous]

He cheated on me with 2 women (that I know of), and sextet another. I cheated with one person and then left him. Still with my AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is for men and women. If you cheated on your spouse, why? Were you no longer attracted to your spouse? Wanted to see what else is out there? Unhappy marriage? What was your reason?

OP, I was about to post the same question, but refrained to do it because it's Sunday (the day I try to stay positive all the time)

[Anonymous]

I took some vows. I'm not an oathbreaker. So I didn't cheat. Also too, I wasn't an idiot when I chose my wife. So, any problems we might have are manageable.

[Anonymous]

DCUM made me do it!!

[Anonymous]

Well, I didn't cheat, was cheated on but the reason he gave was he wasn't attracted to me because I was fat. I hadn't gained a pound from when we met so....

But he cheated with two women, both "dancers."

[Anonymous]

I didn't, because I have integrity. If you did, you don't.

[Anonymous]

The main reason was that we were disconnected as a couple as a result of a trauma that we (*I*) never processed. And so I had this long-suffering resentment and anger toward him that I didn't quite realize (all while wishing he'd somehow die, never come home, or hit me (my personal dealbreaker for marriage)). We were slowly becoming less couple-like. Unconsciously uncoupling, because it certainly wasn't conscious.

So, as that slow decline of our marriage connection happened, had happened, and was firmly in place, somebody found me attractive. And I him. And we spent a good deal of time together out of necessity, and eventually it leaked out that we liked each other. And after some discussion, some debate, we moved on it.

I could cite things like my DH was fat, I didn't like the way he smelled, wasn't attracted to him, he didn't appreciate me -- or at least he didn't voice his appreciation -- he didn't pay attention to me and the children, we were busy, tough times, etc. etc. But those are all excuses that I don't think hold real weight.

The real reason was that I didn't like my DH any longer and the affair was an option that I wanted. I wanted to make that connection with somebody else that I no longer had in my marriage. I may have been looking for a reason to end my marriage. Albeit a selfish, cowardly way of doing it, but I certainly am not as strong and brave as people think I am from the outside. From the outside DH and I look (looked) like a happy, successful couple. No problems.

Slight aside: No, I never liked DH's fat body, but that was the package he came in. It wasn't (too much of) a problem until I started to hate him, as well. My attraction to him has always been more mental than physical, and I really regret that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The main reason was that we were disconnected as a couple as a result of a trauma that we (*I*) never processed. And so I had this long-suffering resentment and anger toward him that I didn't quite realize (all while wishing he'd somehow die, never come home, or hit me (my personal dealbreaker for marriage)). We were slowly becoming less couple-like. Unconsciously uncoupling, because it certainly wasn't conscious.

So, as that slow decline of our marriage connection happened, had happened, and was firmly in place, somebody found me attractive. And I him. And we spent a good deal of time together out of necessity, and eventually it leaked out that we liked each other. And after some discussion, some debate, we moved on it.

I could cite things like my DH was fat, I didn't like the way he smelled, wasn't attracted to him, he didn't appreciate me -- or at least he didn't voice his appreciation -- he didn't pay attention to me and the children, we were busy, tough times, etc. etc. But those are all excuses that I don't think hold real weight.

The real reason was that I didn't like my DH any longer and the affair was an option that I wanted. I wanted to make that connection with somebody else that I no longer had in my marriage. I may have been looking for a reason to end my marriage. Albeit a selfish, cowardly way of doing it, but I certainly am not as strong and brave as people think I am from the outside. From the outside DH and I look (looked) like a happy, successful couple. No problems.

Slight aside: No, I never liked DH's fat body, but that was the package he came in. It wasn't (too much of) a problem until I started to hate him, as well. My attraction to him has always been more mental than physical, and I really regret that now.

I was flippant earlier, but I think my husband cheated to end the marriage too. I don't think my weight (again, I weighed the same during and at the end of our marriage as I did the day he met me!) was the issue, I think the issue was overall we didn't work for him but I wasn't a bad person and it wasn't a bad situation and none of that is a "reason" to split, you know? And like you, people on the outside thought we were happy, friends even asked us for relationship advice all the time because they wanted to know how we managed to be such friends and like each other so much and stay in love etc. In any case, we are divorced but friendly now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The main reason was that we were disconnected as a couple as a result of a trauma that we (*I*) never processed. And so I had this long-suffering resentment and anger toward him that I didn't quite realize (all while wishing he'd somehow die, never come home, or hit me (my personal dealbreaker for marriage)). We were slowly becoming less couple-like. Unconsciously uncoupling, because it certainly wasn't conscious.

So, as that slow decline of our marriage connection happened, had happened, and was firmly in place, somebody found me attractive. And I him. And we spent a good deal of time together out of necessity, and eventually it leaked out that we liked each other. And after some discussion, some debate, we moved on it.

I could cite things like my DH was fat, I didn't like the way he smelled, wasn't attracted to him, he didn't appreciate me -- or at least he didn't voice his appreciation -- he didn't pay attention to me and the children, we were busy, tough times, etc. etc. But those are all excuses that I don't think hold real weight.

The real reason was that I didn't like my DH any longer and the affair was an option that I wanted. I wanted to make that connection with somebody else that I no longer had in my marriage. I may have been looking for a reason to end my marriage. Albeit a selfish, cowardly way of doing it, but I certainly am not as strong and brave as people think I am from the outside. From the outside DH and I look (looked) like a happy, successful couple. No problems.

Slight aside: No, I never liked DH's fat body, but that was the package he came in. It wasn't (too much of) a problem until I started to hate him, as well. My attraction to him has always been more mental than physical, and I really regret that now.

I was flippant earlier, but I think my husband cheated to end the marriage too. I don't think my weight (again, I weighed the same during and at the end of our marriage as I did the day he met me!) was the issue, I think the issue was overall we didn't work for him but I wasn't a bad person and it wasn't a bad situation and none of that is a "reason" to split, you know? And like you, people on the outside thought we were happy, friends even asked us for relationship advice all the time because they wanted to know how we managed to be such friends and like each other so much and stay in love etc. In any case, we are divorced but friendly now.

I think we could be divorced and friendly, too. He is (mostly) a good person. I'm (mostly) a good person. I like the way you put it that the "overall we didn't work." And I'll add that my way of handling the fact that the overall we wasn't working wasn't good or fair or responsible. But, you know, here I am, just a person. Good at somethings, worse at others.

[Anonymous]

Why will I? I haven't to date.

Because he withholds intimacy from me, he had an EA, I do t like him as a person, his family I cannot stand, he's not a great dad-he once was, though, he has ED.

Do I even need a reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He cheated on me with 2 women (that I know of), and sextet another. I cheated with one person and then left him. Still with my AP

Do you have kids that are now involved with this mess?