Why did you cheat on your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years of lack of sex, other than wifely duty once or twice a month. Many talks, arguments, tears, attempted solutions, nothing worked. A woman showed interest, I was super lonely, felt alive again. Yes, totally cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. Affair in the past, no one found out, wife and I doing better now. The kind of affair you never hear about, because it was undiscovered and saved a marriage.

How did the affair save the marriage? It was never discovered, so what made things change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years of lack of sex, other than wifely duty once or twice a month. Many talks, arguments, tears, attempted solutions, nothing worked. A woman showed interest, I was super lonely, felt alive again. Yes, totally cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. Affair in the past, no one found out, wife and I doing better now. The kind of affair you never hear about, because it was undiscovered and saved a marriage.

How did the affair save the marriage? It was never discovered, so what made things change?

No longer feeling ugly and bitter and resentful. Finding a temporary patch and outlet for sexual side. Allowing me to see the great qualities of my spouse without the libido disparities clouding everything. Was contemplating divorce prior to affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years of lack of sex, other than wifely duty once or twice a month. Many talks, arguments, tears, attempted solutions, nothing worked. A woman showed interest, I was super lonely, felt alive again. Yes, totally cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. Affair in the past, no one found out, wife and I doing better now. The kind of affair you never hear about, because it was undiscovered and saved a marriage.

How did the affair save the marriage? It was never discovered, so what made things change?

Not PP, but this was my situation too. Saved the marriage because 1) I no longer felt desperately unhappy and 2) I was energized and motivated to work on our relationship. I knew I didn't want to blow up my family for a relationship with AP.

[Anonymous]

I think most people especially men get caught. Almost every woman I know checks up on their husband.

What always surprises me is the cheater is so angry when they lose 1/2 the house, kids, and their check is garnished. If you cheat, at least accept the consequences gracefully.

[Anonymous]

Because he's bad in bed. Not willing to put forth the effort, or be creative enough, to satisfy me. Because he didn't care that our frequency was also less than I could minimally tolerate.

Add to those sex specific reasons the fact that he was okay with me being chronically unhappy with him not pulling his weight.

Presto, affair.

And I'm not sorry, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is for men and women. If you cheated on your spouse, why? Were you no longer attracted to your spouse? Wanted to see what else is out there? Unhappy marriage? What was your reason?

Because she was attractive and we worked lots of long days and nights together. Wants we started there was little incentive to stop. Until the passion ran out. Good times. 2007 was a good year.

[Anonymous]

*once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is for men and women. If you cheated on your spouse, why? Were you no longer attracted to your spouse? Wanted to see what else is out there? Unhappy marriage? What was your reason?

Because she was attractive and we worked lots of long days and nights together. Wants we started there was little incentive to stop. Until the passion ran out. Good times. 2007 was a good year.

How long was it before the passion ran out? Curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he's bad in bed. Not willing to put forth the effort, or be creative enough, to satisfy me. Because he didn't care that our frequency was also less than I could minimally tolerate.

Add to those sex specific reasons the fact that he was okay with me being chronically unhappy with him not pulling his weight.

Presto, affair.

And I'm not sorry, either.

sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is for men and women. If you cheated on your spouse, why? Were you no longer attracted to your spouse? Wanted to see what else is out there? Unhappy marriage? What was your reason?

Because she was attractive and we worked lots of long days and nights together. Wants we started there was little incentive to stop. Until the passion ran out. Good times. 2007 was a good year.

How long was it before the passion ran out? Curious.

About a year and a half or so. After we started arguing and it seemed like "dating". At that point we both realized it wasn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most people especially men get caught. Almost every woman I know checks up on their husband.

What always surprises me is the cheater is so angry when they lose 1/2 the house, kids, and their check is garnished. If you cheat, at least accept the consequences gracefully.

My milage varies. I only know one person of about a dozen who have been caught. Most people seem to pull off affairs and keep their children's home intact, which is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most people especially men get caught. Almost every woman I know checks up on their husband.

What always surprises me is the cheater is so angry when they lose 1/2 the house, kids, and their check is garnished. If you cheat, at least accept the consequences gracefully.

So these women who spend time checking up on their husbands, I wonder if they spent that time investing in their husbands needs, would be a lot less cheating husbands?

The consequences you mentioned are not those of cheating but of divorce. So there's at least the possibility of not getting caught in cheating, versus the certain consequences of divorce. By the way a divorce settlement is generally an even split so I'm not sure why you attempt to portray the non-Cheater as getting some better deal. It's the same split for both spouses, with or without any cheating.

[Anonymous]

Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people especially men get caught. Almost every woman I know checks up on their husband.

What always surprises me is the cheater is so angry when they lose 1/2 the house, kids, and their check is garnished. If you cheat, at least accept the consequences gracefully.

So these women who spend time checking up on their husbands, I wonder if they spent that time investing in their husbands needs, would be a lot less cheating husbands?

The consequences you mentioned are not those of cheating but of divorce. So there's at least the possibility of not getting caught in cheating, versus the certain consequences of divorce. By the way a divorce settlement is generally an even split so I'm not sure why you attempt to portray the non-Cheater as getting some better deal. It's the same split for both spouses, with or without any cheating.

Cheating is a big deal breaker. Once you cheat on a spouse you've also cheated on the kids. It's usually going to be a ugly divorce.

The cheater is usually very angry at all the consequences that follow, they only have themselves to blame. My friend got re-married to a great guy, he's a better father too. The cheater lost the gf, is angry and has to pay for 3 kids. His entire world changed...ALL because of his own poor judgement. The kids know he cheated and also view him differently.