Should I Tell Him Abt My Friend's Violent Past

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was a guy with a domestic assault in his past about to marry some wonderful woman, would posters be giving the same advice to let bygones be bygones? http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

If the guy had one episode ten years ago (where it wasn't even clear he injured someone, was convicted, etc.) and nothing since, I wouldn't be insisting that everyone know about it. Sometimes people actually do change.

The guy had a scratch on his face that was likely deep and may have needed stitches.

"Likely" deep and "may" have needed stitches? You admit you do not actually know what happened, whom it happened to, whether she was ever charged or convicted, that whatever happened took place ten years ago, and that you don't know of any other incidents. You are not her friend. You are a small, jealous gnat. We're you so concerned for others in her life over the part decade based on the event you know so little about? Or is it just now that she's improved her life and she's getting married that your awe have come out. You are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Why r u trying to sabotage her success?

[Anonymous]

You let her live with your kid so either you don't think she is dangerous or you are a massively awful parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was a guy with a domestic assault in his past about to marry some wonderful woman, would posters be giving the same advice to let bygones be bygones? http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

If the guy had one episode ten years ago (where it wasn't even clear he injured someone, was convicted, etc.) and nothing since, I wouldn't be insisting that everyone know about it. Sometimes people actually do change.

So if it wasn't that bad and nothing like it ever happened again, why wouldn't he just tell his future life partner?

Simply put, that is none of your business. At e dyes embarrassed she was cheated on? That she list control one time when catching her boyfriend with another woman? I would never expect my husband to tell me things he prefers to keep private about his past. He's a human being with a right to autonomy and privacy with our marriage. Maybe that's the kind of marriage she and her fiancé want. None if this has anything to do with you. If you are so in favor if full information flow between spouses, be sure to show your husband this thread do he knows what a butter, jealous person you can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people make mistakes they should not be held accountable for the rest of their lives and especially not by you. Obviously, the law was followed and I would leave it at that. If the guy wanted to run a background check he would have.

PLUS 1 !!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was a guy with a domestic assault in his past about to marry some wonderful woman, would posters be giving the same advice to let bygones be bygones? http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

If the guy had one episode ten years ago (where it wasn't even clear he injured someone, was convicted, etc.) and nothing since, I wouldn't be insisting that everyone know about it. Sometimes people actually do change.

So if it wasn't that bad and nothing like it ever happened again, why wouldn't he just tell his future life partner?

That's her choice. Just because you don't see the righteousness or rationale behind it doesn't give you the right to intervene in their relationship and what they voluntarily disclose to one another. She didn't deliberately hide it. Not like she's on house arrest and masking the ankle bracelet by wearing Uggz 24/7. He might be in the military for all you know and might empathize with her "don't ask don't tell" philosophy.
Mind your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people make mistakes they should not be held accountable for the rest of their lives and especially not by you. Obviously, the law was followed and I would leave it at that. If the guy wanted to run a background check he would have.

PLUS 1 !!!!

It's not like this woman is a nanny you are going to employ, right?

What have you decided to do, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have a right to know who they're marrying. This could bite him in the butt someday.

1) - Are you suggesting your friend isn't who she portrays herself to be? Are you insinuating she's not the loving, caring woman he fell in love with and wants to marry but is actually a violent, abusive criminal because of one understanably emotional incident Ten Years Ago?!!

2) - Bite him in the butt how exactly? Is she facing a civil suit that he could be named in also? Is he running for public office and his wife's past could ruin his chances of election? Is he considering an affair but unaware of the eminent danger he'd be in?

[Anonymous]

It's best to be honest to your future spouse about anything that would come up in a background check. A close relative of ours suddenly died at the hands of her spouse. The children were thus considered by the authorities to be foster children living with a close relative (guardian) until adoption could be finalized (almost a year later). In the meantime, any adult who regularly came in contact with them had to have a clear criminal background check. Thankfully, we all knew that wouldn't be a problem since none of us had ever been involved in anything more serious than a traffic ticket. We did find out that the new nanny had a domestic assault during the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why r u trying to sabotage her success?

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate people like you, OP. You were super happy to pretend to be a good friend when she was fucked up, but the second she got it together and started doing well, you'll do anything you can to undermine and sabotage her life.

You sound bitter and insecure and jealous.

Your friend should cut you off. You are massive jerk.

+1 I can't believe you pretend to be this woman's friend.

[Anonymous]

Op, your story of the events makes no sense. Basically you know something happened. That's about it. You're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's best to be honest to your future spouse about anything that would come up in a background check. A close relative of ours suddenly died at the hands of her spouse. The children were thus considered by the authorities to be foster children living with a close relative (guardian) until adoption could be finalized (almost a year later). In the meantime, any adult who regularly came in contact with them had to have a clear criminal background check. Thankfully, we all knew that wouldn't be a problem since none of us had ever been involved in anything more serious than a traffic ticket. We did find out that the new nanny had a domestic assault during the check.

The odds of a situation occurring where the violent incident in your friend's past becomes an issue are about as likely as you actually showing some decency and respect for others and minding your own business...
VERY SLIM.

[Anonymous]

OP you apparently weren't so worried about this friend's violent streak to refuse to let her live with you and YOUR CHILD, and you apparently weren't concerned about her kids these past 10 years. Seems like this assault was not something you felt was representative of a dangerous character trait until she became engaged to a successful guy.

Say nothing. Don't go to the party. If you think so poorly of her, end the friendship. But leave her and her fiance alone. You are not coming across like a good person here. Rather, you seem like a jealous hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You let her live with your kid so either you don't think she is dangerous or you are a massively awful parent.

Yeah, this is why I believe OP is a troll.