Should I Tell Him Abt My Friend's Violent Past

[Anonymous]

The only person in this scenario being dishonest about themselves is YOU.

You are not the person you think you are. You are a terrible friend. Sounds like this woman managed to get away from one craptastic relationship and managed to thrive. Hopefully she can do the same with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am seriously wondering what people would say if this was about a man having assaulted a woman and now getting married to another woman. Would you tell that woman about the mans violent past?

If it were 10 years earlier and there had been nothing since, no, I wouldn't think there was anything to tell.

I'm app 11:45. I WAS assaulted by a man 10 years ago. And you know what? As I said - he is NOT the same man he was then. I would never tell his wife, because I really believe his behavior was a snapshot in time.

Is that weird to say, considering it was directed at me? Sure. But at the same point- I don't harbor bitterness for the sake of it. It was truly a one time deal. He lost control, but he also paid his dues. And that is all I can ask.

You can define a person by their mistakes, or define them by their successes. The fact that you define someone you consider a dear friend by the former says more about you, than it does about her.

[Anonymous]

OP, you may be trying to do a good deed, but it is completely inappropriate. Your friend is not breaking any law by not telling. She couldn't be sued for not telling. It is a personal decision that is up to her, not you.

[Anonymous]

Folks defending OP's plan to out her friend by reversing the gender of the players...i.e. "wouldn't you say something if friend were a man with a violent past??", should remember that the statistics of injury/death to women at the hands of their male partners does not even approach that experienced by men from their female partners. Not to say female on male DV doesn't happen. It does. But at an infinitessimally smaller degree than the reverse. If OP's friend has a history of violence it's possible her fiance may experience that. If the genders are reversed, it's not just possible. It's probable. It's a numbers game, people.

Three women are killed every day in the US by a male partner, current or former. That's a 2014 statistic.

Comparing male and female patterns of violence isn't just comparing apples to oranges. It's comparing apples to granite.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Just wow.

Why in the world would you or any of her so-called "friends" do something as shady as this?

For god's sake, she has changed + has moved on w/her life. In a positive manner according to you. Why would you want to screw everything up when she has made so many strides in her life since then...??!

Personally, I don't consider you a true, authentic friend. Because a true/authentic friend would NEVER in a million years even consider doing what you are now.

Do her a favor and severe the "friendship" ties NOW. Stat.

[Anonymous]

Actually female on male DV is about as common as male on female DV. It is much less deadly, but let's face it, no one takes it as seriously.

[Anonymous]

Years ago I was in terrible place and ended up in rehab. I had tons of friends when I was an addict, but once I got sober there were a lot of people (who wereng addicts themselves) who just couldn't be my friend anymore. They were happy to be there when j was at my lowest, but once I graduated university, got an amazing job, started traveling, lost 50 pounds and met the man of my dreams a lot of my 'friends' couldn't handle that. You might not want to admit this to yourself, but a lot of people really just want to be there for the bad times to feel better about themselves.

[Anonymous]

UDATE

I went to the "Let Me Show Off His House & My Retirement Plan" thingy she called an engagement party lsat night.

I hadn't planned to but ended up finding myself alone with him in one of the upstairs room. I asked him to sit down b/c I needed to tell him something. After I told him, he was silent, said "Ok" and left the room. Approx 10 mins later he and my friend called me into the room. She asked me to explain what was said then they asked me to leave "their" home.

I left.

Good luck to him but he's been warned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UDATE

I went to the "Let Me Show Off His House & My Retirement Plan" thingy she called an engagement party lsat night.

I hadn't planned to but ended up finding myself alone with him in one of the upstairs room. I asked him to sit down b/c I needed to tell him something. After I told him, he was silent, said "Ok" and left the room. Approx 10 mins later he and my friend called me into the room. She asked me to explain what was said then they asked me to leave "their" home.

I left.

Good luck to him but he's been warned.

OP, I mean this in the bitchiest but most honest, direct way possible. I hope you don't misinterpret my intent.

You're a sick, jealous and mean person, and you need serious therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UDATE

I went to the "Let Me Show Off His House & My Retirement Plan" thingy she called an engagement party lsat night.

I hadn't planned to but ended up finding myself alone with him in one of the upstairs room. I asked him to sit down b/c I needed to tell him something. After I told him, he was silent, said "Ok" and left the room. Approx 10 mins later he and my friend called me into the room. She asked me to explain what was said then they asked me to leave "their" home.

I left.

Good luck to him but he's been warned.

OP, I mean this in the bitchiest but most honest, direct way possible. I hope you don't misinterpret my intent.

You're a sick, jealous and mean person, and you need serious therapy.

I also hope that sometime in your life, you get over your jealousy and over herself and wise up and find true love. Then I hope this woman crashes YOUR Engagement party, and In Front of your loved ones, friends and family, tells your soon to be husband a wonderful story about the time you were such a vindictive bitch that you tried to break up her engagement. And in that moment, I hope he sees you for what you are and asks you to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UDATE

I went to the "Let Me Show Off His House & My Retirement Plan" thingy she called an engagement party lsat night.

I hadn't planned to but ended up finding myself alone with him in one of the upstairs room. I asked him to sit down b/c I needed to tell him something. After I told him, he was silent, said "Ok" and left the room. Approx 10 mins later he and my friend called me into the room. She asked me to explain what was said then they asked me to leave "their" home.

I left.

Good luck to him but he's been warned.

You are so jealous I feel bad for you. At least your friend now knows your true colors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UDATE

I went to the "Let Me Show Off His House & My Retirement Plan" thingy she called an engagement party lsat night.

I hadn't planned to but ended up finding myself alone with him in one of the upstairs room. I asked him to sit down b/c I needed to tell him something. After I told him, he was silent, said "Ok" and left the room. Approx 10 mins later he and my friend called me into the room. She asked me to explain what was said then they asked me to leave "their" home.

I left.

Good luck to him but he's been warned.

No way this possibly happened. You happened to find yourself alone in an upstairs room with him? You have watched too much "Days of our Lives." You are either not the OP or this whole thing is made up

[Anonymous]

Man, karma is going to bite you in the ass!
Or you'll continue being miserable. Either works for me.

I don't feel sorry for you though. You are sad and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate people like you, OP. You were super happy to pretend to be a good friend when she was fucked up, but the second she got it together and started doing well, you'll do anything you can to undermine and sabotage her life.

You sound bitter and insecure and jealous.

Your friend should cut you off. You are massive jerk.

+1000

[Anonymous]

You're either a horrible person, or just a bad troll. Sadly, I'm hoping troll.