Should I Tell Him Abt My Friend's Violent Past

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to be honest to your future spouse about anything that would come up in a background check. A close relative of ours suddenly died at the hands of her spouse. The children were thus considered by the authorities to be foster children living with a close relative (guardian) until adoption could be finalized (almost a year later). In the meantime, any adult who regularly came in contact with them had to have a clear criminal background check. Thankfully, we all knew that wouldn't be a problem since none of us had ever been involved in anything more serious than a traffic ticket. We did find out that the new nanny had a domestic assault during the check.

The odds of a situation occurring where the violent incident in your friend's past becomes an issue are about as likely as you actually showing some decency and respect for others and minding your own business...
VERY SLIM.

Pp here. I am not OP and I did not suggest she tell her friend's fiance. I said it's best to be honest to your future spouse about such an incident because it could cause unforeseen problems in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was a guy with a domestic assault in his past about to marry some wonderful woman, would posters be giving the same advice to let bygones be bygones? http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

If the guy had one episode ten years ago (where it wasn't even clear he injured someone, was convicted, etc.) and nothing since, I wouldn't be insisting that everyone know about it. Sometimes people actually do change.

So if it wasn't that bad and nothing like it ever happened again, why wouldn't he just tell his future life partner?

Simply put, that is none of your business. At e dyes embarrassed she was cheated on? That she list control one time when catching her boyfriend with another woman? I would never expect my husband to tell me things he prefers to keep private about his past. He's a human being with a right to autonomy and privacy with our marriage. Maybe that's the kind of marriage she and her fiancé want. None if this has anything to do with you. If you are so in favor if full information flow between spouses, be sure to show your husband this thread do he knows what a butter, jealous person you can be.

This post was not from OP.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP you are a whole new level of crazy. Please leave your poor friend alone.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I'm torn on what to do. I spoke to the 3 other girlfriends who were also there at the time. Two are okay with leaving it alone. One feels he definitely needs to know. She's told us that she's basically marrying to have someone take care of her as she gets older and help raise her youngest. She actually said "He's my retirement plan."

In the interest of full disclosure, none of the 3 are married. That may be why two are so keen to let it go. I'm going to be marrying someday so I have a better understanding of what's needed for a successful relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I'm torn on what to do. I spoke to the 3 other girlfriends who were also there at the time. Two are okay with leaving it alone. One feels he definitely needs to know. She's told us that she's basically marrying to have someone take care of her as she gets older and help raise her youngest. She actually said "He's my retirement plan."

In the interest of full disclosure, none of the 3 are married. That may be why two are so keen to let it go. I'm going to be marrying someday so I have a better understanding of what's needed for a successful relationship.

You don't though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I'm torn on what to do. I spoke to the 3 other girlfriends who were also there at the time. Two are okay with leaving it alone. One feels he definitely needs to know. She's told us that she's basically marrying to have someone take care of her as she gets older and help raise her youngest. She actually said "He's my retirement plan."

In the interest of full disclosure, none of the 3 are married. That may be why two are so keen to let it go. I'm going to be marrying someday so I have a better understanding of what's needed for a successful relationship.

You don't though.

I know that HONESTY is a damn good start.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here

I'm torn on what to do. I spoke to the 3 other girlfriends who were also there at the time. Two are okay with leaving it alone. One feels he definitely needs to know. She's told us that she's basically marrying to have someone take care of her as she gets older and help raise her youngest. She actually said "He's my retirement plan."

In the interest of full disclosure, none of the 3 are married. That may be why two are so keen to let it go. I'm going to be marrying someday so I have a better understanding of what's needed for a successful relationship.

You are bat shit crazy! I feel bad for your so called "friend". It is NONE of your business. There is a special place in hell for women like you!!

[Anonymous]

trollolllololoooooool post.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, you are a jealous bitch. You are not fooling anyone with your feigned concern. You want to ruin your friend's new relationship because she is now in a much better place and you hate it. I hope that both she and her new boyfriend bitch slap you straight to hell if you try to insert yourself into her relationship. Mind your own stinking life.

[Anonymous]

You are not really her friend, nor do you "love her dearly".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She better hope her DH doesn't have a job or family situation that requires extensive background checks on him and his wife. My DH and I have gone through several and we don't work for the government.

It was 10 years ago. She would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I'm torn on what to do. I spoke to the 3 other girlfriends who were also there at the time. Two are okay with leaving it alone. One feels he definitely needs to know. She's told us that she's basically marrying to have someone take care of her as she gets older and help raise her youngest. She actually said "He's my retirement plan."

In the interest of full disclosure, none of the 3 are married. That may be why two are so keen to let it go. I'm going to be marrying someday so I have a better understanding of what's needed for a successful relationship.

Ahh so you and all of your friends compare yourselves to each other. This GF clearly has the better life so now you guys want to ruin his image of her. Even if you told, I'm pretty certain he would marry her anyway, but she could drop her lose friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here

There's just something phony about trying to pretend to be someone you are not. She needs to OWN her stuff.

And what of her seeing him as her financial backup in old age?

If you know something that could save a person from being duped or possibly assaulted in the future, you should give fair warning.

[Anonymous]

OP, the more you write, the meaner you sound. And judgmental! You view your "friend" as phony, a gold-digger, and you feel the need to protect her fiance from being duped or possibly assaulted in the future.

I agree with the others who have written that YOU ARE NOT HER FRIEND. You are the one who is duping HER. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

There's just something phony about trying to pretend to be someone you are not. She needs to OWN her stuff.

And what of her seeing him as her financial backup in old age?

If you know something that could save a person from being duped or possibly assaulted in the future, you should give fair warning.

well at least you are no more pretending to be her friend...