Poll: What killed the sex life with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Him: MEds and weight gain caused ED
Me: menopause and vagiinal atrophy


Together 40 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse doesn't seem to care about me as a person. The only attention I seem to receive is a boob or butt grab when he wants something. I've expressed repeatedly a desire for more communication and date nights and that goes unheard.

Then spouse has gone all in to a travel sport with our 9 year old, like he thinks the kid will be a prospect (kid is good but not a stud). So now I feel like he's an idiot too.

lol

[Anonymous]

She's always nagging me to do stuff in the house or for the kids. I just wanna relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was never really much into it (low drive). I just sort of faked it when I first met DH; we married w/in a year and I got pregnant almost immediately.

Used pregnancy as an excuse to not do it. 2nd was wanted but happened surprisingly soon after. Got another 9 month reprieve.

After that, just focused on kids, kept busy, and mostly just put off DH’s advances for years (he is very patient lol). I’d be fine if I never had “it” again.

This is my wife. He hates you, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:one to many arguments that veered too close to the line to abusive. Not legally physical abuse but angry enough to not feel safe and have zero sexual desire. Also being a jerk about it - whining about me wanting to have the curtains drawn (during the day!) and making it clear he thought I was inadequate.

+1

I just can’t get over the things my DH has said to me, and far more than one too many times. He has trouble (verbally) controlling himself when he is angry then wants to sweep it under the rug. Totally killed my drive. And of course they just makes his anger worse….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought more people would just respond that it’s because their hormonal desire is low. Statistically, the majority of women dont have natural day to day drive. I’d assume that’s the driving factor in the majority of cases, and all the other things above are just “excuses” that are covering up for the fact that you’re not naturally horny anymore.

I think women do have a natural day to day drive. When I’m single or in a good relationship, I have a very high drive.

Most women just lose interest after being with someone who doesn’t care about her needs (emotional, physical, etc), doesn’t pull his own weight, or is just a low quality man. Then it’s the body’s protective mechanism to avoid getting pregnant with a dud.

Get her around a cute guy who acts like a grown up and pays attention to her, and the daily drive comes back.

[Anonymous]

postpartum depression that became years of major depressive disorder.

[Anonymous]

You and I both know that if I didn’t type what you bolded that you’d come back and say I was fat and ugly and boring.

I’m still in great shape post children. I have progressively upped my skincare game, still get hair cuts and color, etc. He gained 30lbs and does nothing to maintain his hair or skin. He’s become more close minded as we age. I am still adventurous and have suggested things for inside and outside the bedroom only to be shot down.

No, you and I do not know that I would say you were fat, ugly, or boring. You sidestepped my question of what your DH would say about you being in the same shape now as you were when you got married.

Does he work longer hours than you do? Is his job more stressful? If so, then I can believe that you remained in better shape because you likely had much more time to work out than he did.

[Anonymous]

DH expected me to be a martyr mom, and probably was incapable of seeing me as both his sex partner and a mom at the same time. He looked down on me for wanting to ignore the baby for a bit while we talked or had sex. He stopped liking who I am because of that. He also felt that he wasn't "needed" any longer once our first child was born. He would mope around complaining that he should be like a salmon that just dies after mating because he had no more purpose. He didn't want to go on date nights and when we did leave DC with family or a sitter, he'd cut the evening off as soon as possible and guilt trip me about wanting to stay out any longer.

DH was in his early 40s when we had kids. We both worked full time and were exhausted. He blamed his low libido on me rather than considering that maybe lack of sleep and middle age had caught up to him. He is one of those people who won't seek medical treatment to fix problems. He also went through that "I'm turning 50 and didn't fulfill all my dreams" phase that was incredibly annoying. I offered that he could quit his job to pursue a business idea he had and I'd pay the bills, but he wouldn't take me up on that. Instead, he got more and more depressed and retreated to his home office and computer. At the end, I felt like I tried everything but he just wasn't interested in marriage any longer, much less sex.

[Anonymous]

Forcing a pregnancy when we agreed no kids

[Anonymous]

Similar situation. The more life experiences I have, the more I’m convinced men don’t see women as multi-dimensional humans. Men are boring as hell.

This should be a flashing neon sign! I wish I was attracted to women because my god most men are boring as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Similar situation. The more life experiences I have, the more I’m convinced men don’t see women as multi-dimensional humans. Men are boring as hell.

90% of the literary canon and the vast majority of human invention were created by men. Fair? No. Boring? Also no.

[Anonymous]

Menopause, and getting older reduced his sex drive too (although not as much)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resentment + Always on his phone.

Hard to be attracted to someone who can’t cook, clean, or parent because they’re on their phone nonstop.

TRUTH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought more people would just respond that it’s because their hormonal desire is low. Statistically, the majority of women dont have natural day to day drive. I’d assume that’s the driving factor in the majority of cases, and all the other things above are just “excuses” that are covering up for the fact that you’re not naturally horny anymore.

Speaking as a woman who is very dissatisfied in her marriage (husband only focuses on himself and his hobbies, doesn't ever have any meaningful talk with me, doesn't play with the kids or help with their needs, always on his phone or computer, treats internet strangers and acquaintances better than his family, doesn't look at me when I speak to him, etc etc)...

We want sex, just NOT with our lazy, purposeful emotionally unavailable husbands..

And THAT'S the painful, uncomfortable truth..