Poll: What killed the sex life with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

That’s fine if you feel that way. Just don’t get married to someone who wants emotional support.

If you are dishonest and pull a bait and switch, then your wife has every right to leave or get her needs met elsewhere.

Or… what if the wife is the one who seemed totally emotionally stable and then did a bait and switch expecting emotional support all of a sudden 10 years in?

The fact that you equate emotional instability with needed emotion support is just so, so telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

LOL imagine thinking "men should get whatever they want from women without any effort on their part" is a radical idea.

Yeah, I guess the fact that women *feel* this is what is actually happening is a big part of the problem. By and large, UMC professional and professional adjacent women and their cohort feel a lot that doesn’t actually exist. They just think feelings matter more than fact.

Sounds like you feel really deeply that women cannot narrate their own lived experiences. But your feelings aren't facts, bro.

[Anonymous]

We can't wait until our kids are old enough to send them to sleep away camp for a month. It makes me majorly sad that my spouse and I have not had an overnight trip together without kids in over four years.

Parenting these days is way too intensive. I think a lot of the rise of ENM/polyamory is because spouses spend too much time with each other handing the drudgery of work/home/kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

No, you completely misunderstood me. I really need the emotional connection that is established by regular conversations, showing interest about my life, date nights etc. Showing me attention by grabbing my ass does not spark an emotional connection. I didn't get married to be a glorified prostitute.

[Anonymous]

She decided that she liked women instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She decided that she liked women instead.

I wish my wife liked women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

No, you completely misunderstood me. I really need the emotional connection that is established by regular conversations, showing interest about my life, date nights etc. Showing me attention by grabbing my ass does not spark an emotional connection. I didn't get married to be a glorified prostitute.

Right, your enjoyment of, and interest in, sex is completely conditional. You live in a world where sex is a reward for behavior that benefits you. Which puts you much closer to a prostitute than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

No, you completely misunderstood me. I really need the emotional connection that is established by regular conversations, showing interest about my life, date nights etc. Showing me attention by grabbing my ass does not spark an emotional connection. I didn't get married to be a glorified prostitute.

Right, your enjoyment of, and interest in, sex is completely conditional. You live in a world where sex is a reward for behavior that benefits you. Which puts you much closer to a prostitute than you think.

Wow, no wonder no woman wants you. You’re gross .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

No, you completely misunderstood me. I really need the emotional connection that is established by regular conversations, showing interest about my life, date nights etc. Showing me attention by grabbing my ass does not spark an emotional connection. I didn't get married to be a glorified prostitute.

Right, your enjoyment of, and interest in, sex is completely conditional. You live in a world where sex is a reward for behavior that benefits you. Which puts you much closer to a prostitute than you think.

Dp bou live in a world where you think if you want sex the nearest woman must either immediately acquiesce or have her reasons for not wanting sex dismissed, diminished, or ignored. And evidently your enjoyment of, and interest in, sex has nothing to do with the desires of your partner. Which puts you right in line with the mentality of a rapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Similar situation. The more life experiences I have, the more I’m convinced men don’t see women as multi-dimensional humans. Men are boring as hell.

90% of the literary canon and the vast majority of human invention were created by men. Fair? No. Boring? Also no.

They created the canon because THEY
were allowed to. And, maybe it’s today’s men who are boring as hell. Methinks we’ve touched a nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

No, you completely misunderstood me. I really need the emotional connection that is established by regular conversations, showing interest about my life, date nights etc. Showing me attention by grabbing my ass does not spark an emotional connection. I didn't get married to be a glorified prostitute.

Right, your enjoyment of, and interest in, sex is completely conditional. You live in a world where sex is a reward for behavior that benefits you. Which puts you much closer to a prostitute than you think.

lol ok. As if your interest in sex isn’t conditional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

No, you completely misunderstood me. I really need the emotional connection that is established by regular conversations, showing interest about my life, date nights etc. Showing me attention by grabbing my ass does not spark an emotional connection. I didn't get married to be a glorified prostitute.

Right, your enjoyment of, and interest in, sex is completely conditional. You live in a world where sex is a reward for behavior that benefits you. Which puts you much closer to a prostitute than you think.

I'm a prostitute because I would prefer my husband to ask me how my day went? Lollll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Just because a woman ‘feels’ something doesn’t make it true. Her ‘feelings’ could be due to her own mental issues. If a woman is rational and pragmatic, these so called ‘problems’ won’t exist.

Boo, you’ve mentioned “women have mental health issues” multiple times as a retort to women wanting emotional support.

It sounds like your entire experience with women is those with mental health problems, in which case you need to get yourself to therapy ASAP so you can learn why you attract and are attracted to those women.

This is a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Similar situation. The more life experiences I have, the more I’m convinced men don’t see women as multi-dimensional humans. Men are boring as hell.

90% of the literary canon and the vast majority of human invention were created by men. Fair? No. Boring? Also no.

They created the canon because THEY
were allowed to. And, maybe it’s today’s men who are boring as hell. Methinks we’ve touched a nerve.

Lots of the canon is boring as hell. It’s why we no one actually want to read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Just because a woman ‘feels’ something doesn’t make it true. Her ‘feelings’ could be due to her own mental issues. If a woman is rational and pragmatic, these so called ‘problems’ won’t exist.

Boo, you’ve mentioned “women have mental health issues” multiple times as a retort to women wanting emotional support.

It sounds like your entire experience with women is those with mental health problems, in which case you need to get yourself to therapy ASAP so you can learn why you attract and are attracted to those women.

This is a you problem.

Lol. Where did u get this idea that i attract women with mental issues?