Poll: What killed the sex life with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my peri and menopause ladies with vaginal atrophy (ie sex is painful)…you DONT just have to live with this!! Talk to your OB GYN and if they are clueless use one of the telehealth platforms like Winona or MIDI Health. Twice a week cream or suppositories and you will be good to go. It also helps reduce UTIs as we get older. You can also try testosterone gel for low libido. Talk to your doctor! You don’t just have to accept this (unless you want to)!

This is very comforting. Thank you!

Ladies be careful with testosterone gel. I caused mild hair loss for me (by male pattern) and bigger lower belly.
Better to get your testosterone from weight lifting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my peri and menopause ladies with vaginal atrophy (ie sex is painful)…you DONT just have to live with this!! Talk to your OB GYN and if they are clueless use one of the telehealth platforms like Winona or MIDI Health. Twice a week cream or suppositories and you will be good to go. It also helps reduce UTIs as we get older. You can also try testosterone gel for low libido. Talk to your doctor! You don’t just have to accept this (unless you want to)!

This is very comforting. Thank you!

Ladies be careful with testosterone gel. I caused mild hair loss for me (by male pattern) and bigger lower belly.
Better to get your testosterone from weight lifting

+1 on weight lifting. It also makes you feel strong.

[Anonymous]

He is dismissive avoidant. After coming on hot and heavy and even having a kid, he removed all affection. Works 24/7 just to be away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Lower back spasms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

[Anonymous]

Resentment from her cheating

[Anonymous]

Being married.

[Anonymous]

Resentment
Boredom
Bad breath and refuses to acknowledge it’s a problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rank these in order of the ones that you think contributed to it and add anything that was missed:

Resentment over things spouse doesn’t do (chores, parenting, etc)

Spouse is bad at sex

Boredom, monotony, not enough novelty.

Spouse has a substance abuse problem.

Cheating or infidelity.

Spouse no longer attractive (got fat, hygiene issues,etc).

Spouse doesn’t talk to you/distracted/on phone too much or doesn’t listen.

Politics (you and spouse voted for different parties, view the world differently, etc).

You forgot porn which is the answer in many many cases.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's been mentioned already but medical issues of depression and anxiety: SSRIs are real boner killers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

X100

This is another way to say that you shouldn’t get married to someone who can’t be responsible for their own happiness or is unable to self sooth. And women who didn’t explore their own bodies and masturbate starting young are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

X100

This is another way to say that you shouldn’t get married to someone who can’t be responsible for their own happiness or is unable to self sooth. And women who didn’t explore their own bodies and masturbate starting young are the worst.

WTF?? You two weirdos should get together and explore one another. Y'all sound made for each other.

It's clear you both want doormat women who do everything you please with no pushback whatsoever.

Good luck..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

DP, or you could grow up and realize that women are not machines and unless you invest in the relationship, you will get nothing in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a man who reluctantly did both individual and marriage therapy but later took it seriously and learned a lot, a lot us men seriously underestimate how much our wives expect us to be more emotionally supportive. My therapist told me if a woman doesn't feel like you are emotionally supportive she won't be as enthusiastic having sex with you. Eventually it leads to a dead bedroom.

The hard part is actually learning to be emotionally supportive. It's not as simple as it sounds. The way we men listen, our body language we need to pay attention to all of it.

Radical idea. We don’t *need* to be anything we don’t feel comfortable being. Men shouldn’t have to be forced to be emotionally supportive for marriages to work any more than women should be forced to have children/not have children, cook/clean, or other things. How absurd would it be if therapy focused on the fact that men would be more enthusiastic about sex if their wives did all the housework?

Is that not the point of this thread? Several women have posted their husbands stopped providing emotional support at some point. So, therefore sex has dried up. I've explained this to my husband multiple times that typically when dating, men "woo" a woman by taking her out on dates and then the woman reciprocates. This doesnt end once you get married. If you don't want to put in the effort to connect with me emotionally then I don't want to put in the effort to connect with you physically. I am literally telling him why he isn't getting laid, but he dismisses it as if i dont know what I'm talking about. Then later has the audacity to complain about his "needs". GMAFB.

You have “responsive desire.” It is critical for men to identify this trait and then avoid marriage with this kind of woman.

X100

This is another way to say that you shouldn’t get married to someone who can’t be responsible for their own happiness or is unable to self sooth. And women who didn’t explore their own bodies and masturbate starting young are the worst.

Both of you completely misunderstood what PP is saying. No wonder you're not getting any.