Husband asked me to look more presentable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in pasparrdum my wife was very f**ble. Your husband doesn't love you enough otherwise he wouldn't have said that. And you are in your own home. You are not a high end restaurant. If this guy is asking you to look presentable in your own safe space then I am worried about your relationship going forward.

Would you love your wife if she showered once a week and only changed her dirty clothes when she showered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in pasparrdum my wife was very f**ble. Your husband doesn't love you enough otherwise he wouldn't have said that. And you are in your own home. You are not a high end restaurant. If this guy is asking you to look presentable in your own safe space then I am worried about your relationship going forward.

The husband can’t deal with the fact she’s injured and postpartum. I agree, his lack of compassion and empathy is troubling.

[Anonymous]

Lady, get in the shower. If you have the time to wipe yourself with baby wipes to clean your body then you have time to shower. You stink. Your husband is nicely telling you to be more presentable but your ass stinks and he can’t say that. You have every excuse as to why you can’t take a shower and that is pretty sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in pasparrdum my wife was very f**ble. Your husband doesn't love you enough otherwise he wouldn't have said that. And you are in your own home. You are not a high end restaurant. If this guy is asking you to look presentable in your own safe space then I am worried about your relationship going forward.

Would you love your wife if she showered once a week and only changed her dirty clothes when she showered?

if a man’s newly post partum wife hadn’t showered or changed clothes for a week, I hope his first concern was whether she needed more support or had post partum depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need a lot of support right now. Back pain from an herniated disc while tending a newborn is a lot. It would be hard to get out of bad daily for most people in this condition. Are your parents nearby?

My parents don’t live nearby and can’t help anyway. Older with health issues. My family has kids of their own and work.

We make a little over 200 combined. Way more than the average American, but definitely far less than most on this forum. We can afford childcare but definitely not an expensive doula. The ones I’ve looked into charge like $45-60/hr. We can’t find a nanny willing to work less than 30 hours.

It’s been bad. I’m usually a very clean person. I make it my best to make sure I don’t smell. I take care of what I can. I’m just in so much pain that doing basic tasks takes so much out of me that I don’t want to shower. All I want to do it sit and ice/heat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need a lot of support right now. Back pain from an herniated disc while tending a newborn is a lot. It would be hard to get out of bad daily for most people in this condition. Are your parents nearby?

My parents don’t live nearby and can’t help anyway. Older with health issues. My family has kids of their own and work.

We make a little over 200 combined. Way more than the average American, but definitely far less than most on this forum. We can afford childcare but definitely not an expensive doula. The ones I’ve looked into charge like $45-60/hr. We can’t find a nanny willing to work less than 30 hours.

It’s been bad. I’m usually a very clean person. I make it my best to make sure I don’t smell. I take care of what I can. I’m just in so much pain that doing basic tasks takes so much out of me that I don’t want to shower. All I want to do it sit and ice/heat it.

You do make enough to hire help. It is a matter of priorities and your husband isn't making you one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these people, OP. You’re doing great. I didn’t shower very much for the first month postpartum either. Once or twice a week and, like you mentioned, bidet. I didn’t get sweaty at all because it was the middle of winter. I had wipes for my boobs and underboobs if milk leaked. I did change my underwear and bra 4x a day, but wasn’t really wearing “real” clothes that I could go out in.

It was completely a season of life, and my husband was home every day and had that first two months off too. I started by wearing easy and loose dresses, then moved onto athleisure.

Take it easy, as long as you feel clean, that should be good enough. Ignore your husband or tell him he’s being a complete ass. His negativity sure doesn’t help. He can do more if he wants you to heal faster.

Thank you!

I do change my underwear daily. I just don’t change my sweats out unless it’s really bad.

I wipe my body down.

I think the biggest issue for is showering and laundry. I’m very small and bending to reach clothes is hard enough. Adding in everything else makes it challenging. I hate doing laundry because of it and will only do it if I have absolutely no clothes. My husband tries but often forgets to switch them over and I have to rewash and put in the dryer.

[Anonymous]

He needs to find you part time help. Someone needs to do laundry every other day (husband or help). He needs to get you a shower chair to make your life easier. This is the for better or worse in sickness and in health part of his vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say that you are PP, WFH and are overwhelmed. It won't be forever. So some grace would be appreciated.

Or, you can just tell him to F off.

We are 1 month in and I’m not back to work.

My husband has always had some issues with hygiene. He's super hygiene - showers 2-3 times a day. I’ve always been clean but the basics like showering and changing my clothes has fallen to the bottom of my list. I admit that I don’t shower much these days or change my clothes unless I do. I try to shower frequently but it’s hard and I don’t have the energy for it most days. I will throw pajamas on each time. My husband wants me to shower daily and at least get dressed in real clothes.

Yes, you can do that, if by real clothes you both mean with nursing top, and perhaps softer pants in case you're still sore down there. There are plenty of nice clothes that can accommodate both of these things. Unless you're post-operative or bedridden, daily showers will HELP you feel more presentable and energetic, OP - they're not just a physical hygiene issue.

If you can manage to shower daily and dress yourself in real clothes, then you may be in post-partum depression. Please reach out to your OB-GYN.

[Anonymous]

sorry, if you can't manage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in pasparrdum my wife was very f**ble. Your husband doesn't love you enough otherwise he wouldn't have said that. And you are in your own home. You are not a high end restaurant. If this guy is asking you to look presentable in your own safe space then I am worried about your relationship going forward.

Would you love your wife if she showered once a week and only changed her dirty clothes when she showered?

Yes I would. She just gave birth for God sake. Give her time to adjust. In several weeks she will back to herself and her routines. Women have better hygiene than us. So trust me OP probably can't wait to go back to being herself....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady, get in the shower. If you have the time to wipe yourself with baby wipes to clean your body then you have time to shower. You stink. Your husband is nicely telling you to be more presentable but your ass stinks and he can’t say that. You have every excuse as to why you can’t take a shower and that is pretty sad.

I don’t stink. I make sure of it.

My husband wants me to be presentable by also getting dressed. He wants me to put on nice clothes and not just pajamas or loungewear.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't have to be a long shower, but rinse off daily. Put on fresh underwear and clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave the OP alone. It's only been one month and she's overwhelmed.

OP, you're good. Tell your DH to buzz off. Maybe he can step up helping around the house.

She doesn’t have to dress like Gisele on the catwalk but a regular shower is minimum hygiene.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t do very much postpartum but I am grateful I was able to shower every day. My DH would come home after a long 12 hour day at work and the first thing I would do is go and shower. It was my alone time and it made me feel much better. I still wore the same clothes day in and day out. But I did shower. Please find some time for yourself to shower. You will feel better.