Husband asked me to look more presentable

[Anonymous]

Just read the whole thread. GET HELP, OP. Get a night nurse or something. You need mental health help, too. clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like everyone is focusing exclusively on the fact that OP is postpartum and ignoring that she has a serious physical injury on top of that. I’ve been postpartum (with multiples!) and had the injury she has (not when I was postpartum), and the injury alone is debilitating. This isn’t a mental health issue. OP would be incapacitated by this injury even if she’d never had a baby.

I don’t think people understand how painful a herniated disc is. Taking care of my baby is all I can physically handle. I’m also in more pain because I have refused to take hardcore pain meds for more than a week. I’m relying on OTC and ice/heat therapy. I go to physical therapy once I’m cleared at 6 weeks.

I ordered more clothes and a cheap shower chair to make sure I shower daily. I showered. My husband washed laundry yesterday. He said he will try to be more in top of it.

ordering more clothes and a shower chair and husband stepping up the laundry are all great steps. Good luck OP!!

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a literal mess. Y I K E S

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like everyone is focusing exclusively on the fact that OP is postpartum and ignoring that she has a serious physical injury on top of that. I’ve been postpartum (with multiples!) and had the injury she has (not when I was postpartum), and the injury alone is debilitating. This isn’t a mental health issue. OP would be incapacitated by this injury even if she’d never had a baby.

I don’t think people understand how painful a herniated disc is. Taking care of my baby is all I can physically handle. I’m also in more pain because I have refused to take hardcore pain meds for more than a week. I’m relying on OTC and ice/heat therapy. I go to physical therapy once I’m cleared at 6 weeks.

I ordered more clothes and a cheap shower chair to make sure I shower daily. I showered. My husband washed laundry yesterday. He said he will try to be more in top of it.

I know how excruciatingly painful and incapacitating a herniated disc with severe sciatica is. I also know that, as a mother, if I only had the bandwidth to take care of one person, it would be my newborn and not myself. You’ve already taken some positive steps and hopefully your dh is beginning to understand just how much help you need. You will heal and PT will get you back to being pain free, with time. You’re going through something that is miserable and very challenging, but it will pass and you will one day shower with ease and even chase your baby around. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How on earth do you marry these guys? This is not normal.

Seriously. There's no way he never made comments like this until now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, OP, you really need to shower and change clothes daily. I am really not trying to be mean, but you probably smell after a week of no showering. And showering regularly will help to some degree how you feel.

I know you say you're not depressed, but this is a huge red flag for depression.

I’m not depressed.

We have a bidet. I use body wipes on areas. I brush my teeth daily. Wash my face.

It’s been a month but I’ve only been home for about 2.5 weeks. I had to stay in the hospital for an injury.

I’ve been trying my best. Taking care of a newborn is hard. It’s even harder when I’m recovering from a c-section and a herniated disc in my lower back. I’m in a lot of pain and just standing and walking is painful.

So what's your husband doing?

When I had a c section with twins, he did all the diaper changes and making of bottles because it was hard to get out of bed and move a lot in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the baby? This seems unreasonable unless it’s really extreme. Like if the baby is six months old and you’re showing once a week. He might have a point. If the baby is less than a month, he should not be doing anything.

A little over 1 month. I think I’ve showered maybe 4 times since giving birth. I will wear the same clothes until I shower again.

Oh gosh, that sounds like depression.

Not depression. I have a newborn and had a c-section and have a disc herniation exacerbated by pregnancy and labor.

I had a c section but not the disc herniation. I could not wait to shower. I showered when the baby took a nap when I was home alone.

Does your husband take care of the baby at all? That's when you can shower.

I think you might you feel better if you shower. I sure did. If you are only showering once a week, I think he has a point. At least change your clothes. I think you do have some PP.

When’s he’s home and able to. He is very busy with work, building a business, and helping out his elderly mother who has been going through some health issues.

95% of the baby care is on me. I shower when I know he is home and I have ample time.

What's your childcare plan? Are you going back to work? If so, then have the nanny start early. Ours started when our twins were four weeks old because that's when my husband went back to work. She worked part-time and it was great because it made the transition a lot easier when I went back to work because we had already been a team for many weeks. If you're not going back to work then hire some part-time care. You're obviously wealthy enough to not need to work, so you must be wealthy enough to hire someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 4 months pp and I shower about every 3 days.

Your husband has to outsource care for his mom and focus on you during this time. He should probably take leave from work when he can as well.

Everyone blaming OP has a reservation in hell waiting for them.

His mom can’t afford to hire care. She is recovering from knee after a bad fall. My husband is the only one she has to help her.

He is taking leave after I go back to work to bridge the gap between me going back and daycare.

He works a lot and he’s trying to start a business. He’s very busy so we agreed that I would handle majority of child care during these years. We didn’t intend for me to have a c-section or injure my back.

Have fun with that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 4 months pp and I shower about every 3 days.

Your husband has to outsource care for his mom and focus on you during this time. He should probably take leave from work when he can as well.

Everyone blaming OP has a reservation in hell waiting for them.

I think this forum forgets that a majority of the population doesn’t make well over 6 figures. I know many have a skewed sense of reality when it comes to salaries, but we don’t make the standard $300+like most posters. Not everyone can afford to outsource or hire expensive help.

So you decided to have a kid while he's working a ton, you don't have much money, he has unrealistic expectations about life, and he says unkind things to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a literal mess. Y I K E S

Precisely!
Both her and the husband 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, get in the shower. If you have the time to wipe yourself with baby wipes to clean your body then you have time to shower. You stink. Your husband is nicely telling you to be more presentable but your ass stinks and he can’t say that. You have every excuse as to why you can’t take a shower and that is pretty sad.

I don’t stink. I make sure of it.

My husband wants me to be presentable by also getting dressed. He wants me to put on nice clothes and not just pajamas or loungewear.

Is he White American?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t do very much postpartum but I am grateful I was able to shower every day. My DH would come home after a long 12 hour day at work and the first thing I would do is go and shower. It was my alone time and it made me feel much better. I still wore the same clothes day in and day out. But I did shower. Please find some time for yourself to shower. You will feel better.

Ok. I will make it a part to shower everyday and change my clothes. I don’t like spending money but I will order some more clothes.

How do you not have 3-4 loungewear outfits already? What do you normally live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please shower each day. You will feel better.

Showering for me is a task. I’m in a lot of pain. The herniated disc presses on my sciatic nerve. Standing up, bending, and walking is really painful. I can only stand for very short periods before the pain becomes too much.

1. Could you fit a plastic lawn chair in your shower? DH leaves it on the shower at all times, unless he is showering. You do not life the chair. DH lifts the chair. That would make showing more restful.

2. What does your doctor say about this? Does she know how hard showering is for you? Ask her if you’d qualify for social services. If you don’t qualify for government assistance of some kind, I’d start calling local churches. Some old lady somewhere is done having kids and would love to hold your baby while you shower. Say that you prefer people who already volunteer in the church’s childcare program. Those ladies should have passed a basic background check.

I can buy a chair. We don’t have any chairs except for our nice dining room chairs. We do have a bench on the shower but it’s built and out of the flow of the shower head.


My doctor knows. I’m on managed pain assistance with medication. I refuse to take a lot and try to manage with OTC nsaids and heat/ice therapy. I do plan to go see a physical therapist once I’m 6 weeks.

We don’t qualify for assistance. We make a combined 200. We don’t go to church and we aren’t interested in a random stranger caring for our child. The person has to be well vetted.

Honestly, then just deal with your problems. You've been given medication to feel better but you won't take it. It's been suggested you get some help but you poo poo that idea by calling caregivers random strangers. Have fun with your situation then. Why did you even bother asking for help on this forum? You clearly have it all figured out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is not severe depression, then it's just laziness.

Sounds like severe crippling depression though. Most people who have that don't realize it.

Your husband should take the kiddo and leave you be for a while, while you get yourself together.

Or better yet OP, you should leave or check into a facility if you can afford it.

You sound like you might harm the child or yourself.

What? I would never harm myself or my child. That’s a big reach. I’m not depressed.

My baby is my entire world. I absolutely adore her. She is the light of our lives and our little angel! Shes literally why I keep going through the pain to make sure all her needs are met and she is comfortable and happy.

I’m not lazy. I used to be very clean and did a lot. I over worked myself while pregnant. Pregnancy and labor caused a herniated discs to flare up. Doing basic things isn’t fun when your lower back feels like it’s an aching fire most of the time. Add in recovering from a c-section and a perineal tear. It’s not as easy as you think.

Your husband is an AH. But go ahead and talk about how he's such an amazing father and husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t do very much postpartum but I am grateful I was able to shower every day. My DH would come home after a long 12 hour day at work and the first thing I would do is go and shower. It was my alone time and it made me feel much better. I still wore the same clothes day in and day out. But I did shower. Please find some time for yourself to shower. You will feel better.

Ok. I will make it a part to shower everyday and change my clothes. I don’t like spending money but I will order some more clothes.

You don't own seven outfits? You can't do a load of laundry halfway through the week? Come on, OP!

I didn’t purchase many clothes for after baby because I wasn’t sure how soon I would lose the baby weight. I didn’t want to buy a ton and never wear them. I don’t send clothes back because I wash anything before I wear it.

Laundry is hard for me. I don’t think you understand the burning aching nerve pain. It’s intense and terrible.

Have you never purchased loungewear before? It's stretchy. It would fit you now and later.