Husband asked me to look more presentable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can outsource things for not expensive. Use one of the wash and fold services that picks up and delivers. Get a cleaning advice e in to clean and do your bed. If you really have no clean clothes, use instacart or target pickup and get 7 cheap nursing dresses. Certainly you can do laundry once a week. You can definitely shower without having to have anyone else there. Just put the baby in a bouncy seat or lay down in a swaddle for a nap. I am not saying you’re depressed, but wearing dirty clothes or the same clothes you’re sleeping in is just plain gross. I can’t even imagine your hair. I have 4 kids and had a lengthy hospital stay with my twins. You just have to power through this and know it’ll be tough for another month or so but don’t let the basics slide to the side.

What do you mean by my hair? You do know most people only wash their hair a couple of times a week? I only wash my hair 1-2 times a week. Maybe once more if it’s very hot and I’m very sweating. It’s not good to wash your hair daily. I brush my hair each day and put in up in a ponytail. My hair isn’t greasy or gross.

For someone who is too busy to shower, you seem to have plenty of time to argue with every single person who has posted on here.

[Anonymous]

I honestly can’t remember the first month or few months. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess.

I never was into athleisure until I had kids. That seemed to be the new trend 16 years ago. I have been living in various athleisure ever since. There is a lot of comfortable clothing out there where you don’t have to look like a total slob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like everyone is focusing exclusively on the fact that OP is postpartum and ignoring that she has a serious physical injury on top of that. I’ve been postpartum (with multiples!) and had the injury she has (not when I was postpartum), and the injury alone is debilitating. This isn’t a mental health issue. OP would be incapacitated by this injury even if she’d never had a baby.

I don’t think people understand how painful a herniated disc is. Taking care of my baby is all I can physically handle. I’m also in more pain because I have refused to take hardcore pain meds for more than a week. I’m relying on OTC and ice/heat therapy. I go to physical therapy once I’m cleared at 6 weeks.

I ordered more clothes and a cheap shower chair to make sure I shower daily. I showered. My husband washed laundry yesterday. He said he will try to be more in top of it.

That's just stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like everyone is focusing exclusively on the fact that OP is postpartum and ignoring that she has a serious physical injury on top of that. I’ve been postpartum (with multiples!) and had the injury she has (not when I was postpartum), and the injury alone is debilitating. This isn’t a mental health issue. OP would be incapacitated by this injury even if she’d never had a baby.

I don’t think people understand how painful a herniated disc is. Taking care of my baby is all I can physically handle. I’m also in more pain because I have refused to take hardcore pain meds for more than a week. I’m relying on OTC and ice/heat therapy. I go to physical therapy once I’m cleared at 6 weeks.

I ordered more clothes and a cheap shower chair to make sure I shower daily. I showered. My husband washed laundry yesterday. He said he will try to be more in top of it.

That's just stupid

If she’s talking about opioids it’s really not. The risk of addiction goes way up if you use them for more than a week. Plus the constipation will make you wish you were dead.
But double Motrin and lidocaine patches will help a lot. I’m the one that also suggested flexeril as a less addictive option but that can make it difficult to safely care for an infant—-some people are fine on it but for othets it can make you fall asleep in an instant. She should be talking to her doctor about her pain level but I don’t blame her at lall for avoiding opioids. I wonder if they could also do a nerve block or steroid injection or something like that. She should ask for a referral to a pain specialist — one good thing that came out of the opioid crisis is a whole new approach to different types of pain management and treatment.

Also there’s no shame in sponge baths and dry shampoo. That’s what people with medical conditions do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, OP, you really need to shower and change clothes daily. I am really not trying to be mean, but you probably smell after a week of no showering. And showering regularly will help to some degree how you feel.

I know you say you're not depressed, but this is a huge red flag for depression.

I’m not depressed.

We have a bidet. I use body wipes on areas. I brush my teeth daily. Wash my face.

It’s been a month but I’ve only been home for about 2.5 weeks. I had to stay in the hospital for an injury.

I’ve been trying my best. Taking care of a newborn is hard. It’s even harder when I’m recovering from a c-section and a herniated disc in my lower back. I’m in a lot of pain and just standing and walking is painful.

So what's your husband doing?

When I had a c section with twins, he did all the diaper changes and making of bottles because it was hard to get out of bed and move a lot in the beginning.

He takes care of the baby and me when he’s home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the baby? This seems unreasonable unless it’s really extreme. Like if the baby is six months old and you’re showing once a week. He might have a point. If the baby is less than a month, he should not be doing anything.

A little over 1 month. I think I’ve showered maybe 4 times since giving birth. I will wear the same clothes until I shower again.

Oh gosh, that sounds like depression.

Not depression. I have a newborn and had a c-section and have a disc herniation exacerbated by pregnancy and labor.

I had a c section but not the disc herniation. I could not wait to shower. I showered when the baby took a nap when I was home alone.

Does your husband take care of the baby at all? That's when you can shower.

I think you might you feel better if you shower. I sure did. If you are only showering once a week, I think he has a point. At least change your clothes. I think you do have some PP.

When’s he’s home and able to. He is very busy with work, building a business, and helping out his elderly mother who has been going through some health issues.

95% of the baby care is on me. I shower when I know he is home and I have ample time.

What's your childcare plan? Are you going back to work? If so, then have the nanny start early. Ours started when our twins were four weeks old because that's when my husband went back to work. She worked part-time and it was great because it made the transition a lot easier when I went back to work because we had already been a team for many weeks. If you're not going back to work then hire some part-time care. You're obviously wealthy enough to not need to work, so you must be wealthy enough to hire someone.

I go back to work at 12 weeks. We plan to do daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 4 months pp and I shower about every 3 days.

Your husband has to outsource care for his mom and focus on you during this time. He should probably take leave from work when he can as well.

Everyone blaming OP has a reservation in hell waiting for them.

I think this forum forgets that a majority of the population doesn’t make well over 6 figures. I know many have a skewed sense of reality when it comes to salaries, but we don’t make the standard $300+like most posters. Not everyone can afford to outsource or hire expensive help.

So you decided to have a kid while he's working a ton, you don't have much money, he has unrealistic expectations about life, and he says unkind things to you?

We have money but not a bunch to throw at things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t do very much postpartum but I am grateful I was able to shower every day. My DH would come home after a long 12 hour day at work and the first thing I would do is go and shower. It was my alone time and it made me feel much better. I still wore the same clothes day in and day out. But I did shower. Please find some time for yourself to shower. You will feel better.

Ok. I will make it a part to shower everyday and change my clothes. I don’t like spending money but I will order some more clothes.

How do you not have 3-4 loungewear outfits already? What do you normally live in?

I have my old clothes but they don’t fit low that I’m carrying pregnancy weight. I only ordered two outfits because I wasn’t sure how many I would need or how my body would go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please shower each day. You will feel better.

Showering for me is a task. I’m in a lot of pain. The herniated disc presses on my sciatic nerve. Standing up, bending, and walking is really painful. I can only stand for very short periods before the pain becomes too much.

1. Could you fit a plastic lawn chair in your shower? DH leaves it on the shower at all times, unless he is showering. You do not life the chair. DH lifts the chair. That would make showing more restful.

2. What does your doctor say about this? Does she know how hard showering is for you? Ask her if you’d qualify for social services. If you don’t qualify for government assistance of some kind, I’d start calling local churches. Some old lady somewhere is done having kids and would love to hold your baby while you shower. Say that you prefer people who already volunteer in the church’s childcare program. Those ladies should have passed a basic background check.

I can buy a chair. We don’t have any chairs except for our nice dining room chairs. We do have a bench on the shower but it’s built and out of the flow of the shower head.


My doctor knows. I’m on managed pain assistance with medication. I refuse to take a lot and try to manage with OTC nsaids and heat/ice therapy. I do plan to go see a physical therapist once I’m 6 weeks.

We don’t qualify for assistance. We make a combined 200. We don’t go to church and we aren’t interested in a random stranger caring for our child. The person has to be well vetted.

Honestly, then just deal with your problems. You've been given medication to feel better but you won't take it. It's been suggested you get some help but you poo poo that idea by calling caregivers random strangers. Have fun with your situation then. Why did you even bother asking for help on this forum? You clearly have it all figured out.

I’ve taken the advice from others and bought a chair for the shower, extra clothes, and hire help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can outsource things for not expensive. Use one of the wash and fold services that picks up and delivers. Get a cleaning advice e in to clean and do your bed. If you really have no clean clothes, use instacart or target pickup and get 7 cheap nursing dresses. Certainly you can do laundry once a week. You can definitely shower without having to have anyone else there. Just put the baby in a bouncy seat or lay down in a swaddle for a nap. I am not saying you’re depressed, but wearing dirty clothes or the same clothes you’re sleeping in is just plain gross. I can’t even imagine your hair. I have 4 kids and had a lengthy hospital stay with my twins. You just have to power through this and know it’ll be tough for another month or so but don’t let the basics slide to the side.

What do you mean by my hair? You do know most people only wash their hair a couple of times a week? I only wash my hair 1-2 times a week. Maybe once more if it’s very hot and I’m very sweating. It’s not good to wash your hair daily. I brush my hair each day and put in up in a ponytail. My hair isn’t greasy or gross.

For someone who is too busy to shower, you seem to have plenty of time to argue with every single person who has posted on here.

I’m sitting down a lot. I’m not super busy that I can’t shower. I’m in too much pain to shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like everyone is focusing exclusively on the fact that OP is postpartum and ignoring that she has a serious physical injury on top of that. I’ve been postpartum (with multiples!) and had the injury she has (not when I was postpartum), and the injury alone is debilitating. This isn’t a mental health issue. OP would be incapacitated by this injury even if she’d never had a baby.

I don’t think people understand how painful a herniated disc is. Taking care of my baby is all I can physically handle. I’m also in more pain because I have refused to take hardcore pain meds for more than a week. I’m relying on OTC and ice/heat therapy. I go to physical therapy once I’m cleared at 6 weeks.

I ordered more clothes and a cheap shower chair to make sure I shower daily. I showered. My husband washed laundry yesterday. He said he will try to be more in top of it.

That's just stupid

If she’s talking about opioids it’s really not. The risk of addiction goes way up if you use them for more than a week. Plus the constipation will make you wish you were dead.
But double Motrin and lidocaine patches will help a lot. I’m the one that also suggested flexeril as a less addictive option but that can make it difficult to safely care for an infant—-some people are fine on it but for othets it can make you fall asleep in an instant. She should be talking to her doctor about her pain level but I don’t blame her at lall for avoiding opioids. I wonder if they could also do a nerve block or steroid injection or something like that. She should ask for a referral to a pain specialist — one good thing that came out of the opioid crisis is a whole new approach to different types of pain management and treatment.

Also there’s no shame in sponge baths and dry shampoo. That’s what people with medical conditions do.

I am. They gave me narcotics and I didn’t want to take them for too long. Addiction and dependency can happen fairly quickly and easily. I’m pumping with the plan to breastfeed once I’m not taking them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like everyone is focusing exclusively on the fact that OP is postpartum and ignoring that she has a serious physical injury on top of that. I’ve been postpartum (with multiples!) and had the injury she has (not when I was postpartum), and the injury alone is debilitating. This isn’t a mental health issue. OP would be incapacitated by this injury even if she’d never had a baby.

I don’t think people understand how painful a herniated disc is. Taking care of my baby is all I can physically handle. I’m also in more pain because I have refused to take hardcore pain meds for more than a week. I’m relying on OTC and ice/heat therapy. I go to physical therapy once I’m cleared at 6 weeks.

I ordered more clothes and a cheap shower chair to make sure I shower daily. I showered. My husband washed laundry yesterday. He said he will try to be more in top of it.

That's just stupid

If she’s talking about opioids it’s really not. The risk of addiction goes way up if you use them for more than a week. Plus the constipation will make you wish you were dead.
But double Motrin and lidocaine patches will help a lot. I’m the one that also suggested flexeril as a less addictive option but that can make it difficult to safely care for an infant—-some people are fine on it but for othets it can make you fall asleep in an instant. She should be talking to her doctor about her pain level but I don’t blame her at lall for avoiding opioids. I wonder if they could also do a nerve block or steroid injection or something like that. She should ask for a referral to a pain specialist — one good thing that came out of the opioid crisis is a whole new approach to different types of pain management and treatment.

Also there’s no shame in sponge baths and dry shampoo. That’s what people with medical conditions do.

I’m going to see a physical therapist at 6 weeks. I did order the lidocaine patches. My doctor told me I can take Advil and Tylenol at the same time ( only if you don’t have liver issues) and it sort of acts like a narcotic. I’ve done that and it’s knocked out a lot of the pain. It’s not good to take for too long, but it’s been helping me.

I’ve been showering daily. The chair didn’t fit and was strange. We got a detachable shower head and I use that while I sit on the bench.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry the chair didn't fit, but I'm glad you found a workaround.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can outsource things for not expensive. Use one of the wash and fold services that picks up and delivers. Get a cleaning advice e in to clean and do your bed. If you really have no clean clothes, use instacart or target pickup and get 7 cheap nursing dresses. Certainly you can do laundry once a week. You can definitely shower without having to have anyone else there. Just put the baby in a bouncy seat or lay down in a swaddle for a nap. I am not saying you’re depressed, but wearing dirty clothes or the same clothes you’re sleeping in is just plain gross. I can’t even imagine your hair. I have 4 kids and had a lengthy hospital stay with my twins. You just have to power through this and know it’ll be tough for another month or so but don’t let the basics slide to the side.

What do you mean by my hair? You do know most people only wash their hair a couple of times a week? I only wash my hair 1-2 times a week. Maybe once more if it’s very hot and I’m very sweating. It’s not good to wash your hair daily. I brush my hair each day and put in up in a ponytail. My hair isn’t greasy or gross.

For someone who is too busy to shower, you seem to have plenty of time to argue with every single person who has posted on here.

This!!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are in a better place, OP. Just take it one step at a time.

I totally get the feeling that buying bigger clothes just for now is a waste, or maybe it's even like giving up on losing the baby weight. It feels good to have clothes that fit, though. So maybe look at Old Navy or Loft or somewhere having a good sale.