ExDH marrying AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hold your head up high. My kids never accepted her and the relationship did not last.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. Sending love your way. Remember, life is long. Still much more to come.

[Anonymous]

You should try yoga and meditation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A year and a half ago I was blindsided by my exDH’s affair. He is now about to move in with and marry his AP. We have two kids 8 and 10. The thought of this woman being their stepmother makes me feel horrible. if you’ve been through something like this, how did you get through?

Sorry OP unfortunately all you can do is hope that she is a good step mother. I heard from a colleague that another colleague had an affair with a married man and the guy left his wife for her. I always hear about these stories but never met anyone who went through it. Some people really have gut. How can you wreck lives this way and still live a normal life?

I have a distant cousin who went thru men like tissues and a single mom. She was the nanny for a couple and had an affair with the husband and then pregnant. The husband left the wife for my distant cousin. They're stil together.

If she's so distant, how do you know so much about her? Why not just say cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My exH left and immediately moved in with his AP so he was with her throughout our divorce, which took about a year. I assumed they'd marry because they were so determined to be together, but once he was all hers it was just a matter of time before it all imploded. They lasted about two years after our divorce was finalized.

It may last w/your ex, it may not. Only time will tell. The worst part is putting the kids throughout the drama. Wrecking your family for a 2-3 year relationship is insane.

No it isn't. If the wife isn't performing, that is reason enough to end things, whether by affair or some other means. Happily married men don't divorce their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exH left and immediately moved in with his AP so he was with her throughout our divorce, which took about a year. I assumed they'd marry because they were so determined to be together, but once he was all hers it was just a matter of time before it all imploded. They lasted about two years after our divorce was finalized.

It may last w/your ex, it may not. Only time will tell. The worst part is putting the kids throughout the drama. Wrecking your family for a 2-3 year relationship is insane.

No it isn't. If the wife isn't performing, that is reason enough to end things, whether by affair or some other means. Happily married men don't divorce their wives.

No you talk to your wife about your issues and try to fix them. If that doesn’t work you leave. Involving a third party is NOT a healthy way to end a marriage. And I say this as someone who used that path and regret it.
The marriage may have ended anyway but you’ll never know once you get caught up in affair fog. Because at that point there is no going back.

[Anonymous]

No it isn't. If the wife isn't performing, that is reason enough to end things, whether by affair or some other means. Happily married men don't divorce their wives.

This guy posts this on like every single thread. With an attitude like this, it’s no wonder his wife doesn’t want to sleep with him!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No it isn't. If the wife isn't performing, that is reason enough to end things, whether by affair or some other means. Happily married men don't divorce their wives.

This guy posts this on like every single thread. With an attitude like this, it’s no wonder his wife doesn’t want to sleep with him!!!

Yeah, the guys who are bitter like this start going off about "old hags" and hee thinks every guy over 40 is being chased by gorgeous 20yos for their bodies and not their incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s a sucky, unfair situation to be sure. But like others said, their life isn’t as perfect as it seems. My ex is still with his affair partner, but our older son wants nothing to do with them. My ex’s family still considers me their daughter and visits me regularly, has even invited me on vacations with them post divorce. I can’t imagine how awkward it must be for my ex’s affair partner,,but that’s what she signed up for.


OP here. Do you have a new partner now? If so, do you bring them around your ex-in-laws?

I do have a new partner, but my kids haven’t even met him. I have zero interest in cohabiting or blending families until my kids are out of the house, and same for my partner (also has kids about the same age). The divorce and blended family on my ex’s side was just too damaging to my kids…. My older son feels like his dad chose his AP and her much younger kids over him, and he’s been struggling with anger about it for years now.

My ex in laws know that I am dating and they are excited about it and always ask to meet him, but they respect my choices given my kids’ situation.

My ex MIL is usually ends up in tears when she brings up her son, and has been trying to apologize for him ever since it happened, saying that she didn’t raise him this way and that she feels like it’s her fault she didn’t raise him with more integrity. I always reassure her that it has nothing to do with her, that I’ve forgiven him and moved on and she should, too.

Forgiveness does not mean friendship. I only communicate with my ex about logistics related to the kids. Nothing else, ever. It’s worked for us, in that we are very effective coparents and can totally be at events together and such with zero drama.

His AP seems afraid of me. Not sure why, and I also dont really care. The few times I have seen her since discovering the affair years ago, she’s high-tailed it in the other direction. Meh. Whatever. I don’t blame her or have anger toward her. She’s nice to my kids as far as I can tell, and that’s all I really care about.

It sounds like you are handling things as well as you can so I would just continue to handle things as you have been. If she is nice to the kids, that's the most important thing. If they hate her and take it out on your ex, that's his problem to deal with. But if they see that you are ok with her, maybe they will eventually accept her too. I do think its worth a conversation with your ex about how to manage the kids if they get upset or rebel but it in the end, he is going to handle it how he is going to handle it.

[Anonymous]

My mom married her AP less than 6 months after my dad moved out. My sister and I were 7 and 11. My dad never spoke a bad word about my mom or my stepdad in front of us. EVER. My stepdad is an incredible man and has been an amazing father to us. I can't tell you how much I respect my father for not putting adult issues onto his kids.

I understand it's painful for you, but you need to leave the kids out of it. All you can do is move forward and hope she's a good stepmother to them. It only hurts the kids if you make things difficult. As difficult as it is, you put on your big girl pants and be the bigger person for the sake of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Some APs convince the (party willing) DH to abandon or mistress his children, even if he has custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom married her AP less than 6 months after my dad moved out. My sister and I were 7 and 11. My dad never spoke a bad word about my mom or my stepdad in front of us. EVER. My stepdad is an incredible man and has been an amazing father to us. I can't tell you how much I respect my father for not putting adult issues onto his kids.

I understand it's painful for you, but you need to leave the kids out of it. All you can do is move forward and hope she's a good stepmother to them. It only hurts the kids if you make things difficult. As difficult as it is, you put on your big girl pants and be the bigger person for the sake of the kids.

Your stepfather broke up a family. he is not an incredible man. This is why people need to share some truth with their kids. It’s a parents job to instill character and proper values. breaking up families is immoral, and there is nothing wrong with teaching your kids so. In fact, you should!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No it isn't. If the wife isn't performing, that is reason enough to end things, whether by affair or some other means. Happily married men don't divorce their wives.

This guy posts this on like every single thread. With an attitude like this, it’s no wonder his wife doesn’t want to sleep with him!!!

Sounds like my loser Exdh. Lied to himself so long, he can barely function now and has lost everyone in his life, except his scummy AP. But yeah, he kids himself that his limp d**k was my fault

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom married her AP less than 6 months after my dad moved out. My sister and I were 7 and 11. My dad never spoke a bad word about my mom or my stepdad in front of us. EVER. My stepdad is an incredible man and has been an amazing father to us. I can't tell you how much I respect my father for not putting adult issues onto his kids.

I understand it's painful for you, but you need to leave the kids out of it. All you can do is move forward and hope she's a good stepmother to them. It only hurts the kids if you make things difficult. As difficult as it is, you put on your big girl pants and be the bigger person for the sake of the kids.

Your stepfather broke up a family. he is not an incredible man. This is why people need to share some truth with their kids. It’s a parents job to instill character and proper values. breaking up families is immoral, and there is nothing wrong with teaching your kids so. In fact, you should!

+1. Your Dad deserves respect, but it's really weird you don't recognize your SD was not a good guy. I notice you don't mention your mom, so maybe you realize she was the jerk.

[Anonymous]

My ex moved out and bought a new house. His AP immediately moved in. He immediately introduced her to his friends, our joint friends, and our kids; and started posting love notes to her on social media. I suspect some of those people (not the kids) had already met her. I was humiliated and hurt—not about the divorce but about how he immediately went so public with his AP. I learned about her during the divorce and was shocked when I found out he had already talked about her to our mutual friend. Therapy, a lot of therapy. And a lot of hard work is what it takes. My kids are older, although my youngest was 16 when everything happened, so we didn't deal with custody or any of the things that go with having very young kids. That was a relief. It brought me to the darkest, lowest place that I've ever been in my life. I'm sorry you're going through this.