Would you go on a trip with a friend who doesn’t ever want to meet locally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it sounds like she went through a low patch where she was avoiding old friends but is now trying to get over it by extending this invitation. I wouldn’t let your pique get in the way of your decision — do you still like her/want to hang out with her? Is the trip affordable for you? Is it to a destination you genuinely want to visit?

Yes, the location is somewhere I want to go. Money is not an issue.


I actually tried to meet up again and willing to drive to her and she said let’s just meet up on the vacation. It makes me wonder if I want to travel with her if she won’t even meet me for several years.

She got divorced right before Covid. She moved in with her mother and she was sick and died. It has been a tough few years for her for sure. Her mom passed away over a year ago.

A couple of tough yrs is an understatement. So she gets divorced, moves in with her ill mother, cares for her for a couple of years - during COVID, and then her mom dies a yr ago. Now she has a milestone bday - maybe 40, when she might be facing the idea that she won’t be a mom. And you’re like “why won’t you meet me at Applebees for lunch?”

She is struggling. Go if you care about her & your friendship.

She was also abducted by aliens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

[Anonymous]

I personally don’t understand why you hesitate to go on this trip. It sounds like a great opportunity to reconnect with her. That said, if you don’t want to go, don’t go. You have no obligation to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

Brilliant. Instead of talking to her and trying to figure it out, you're acting like a petulant schoolgirl. You don't sound like much of a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally don’t understand why you hesitate to go on this trip. It sounds like a great opportunity to reconnect with her. That said, if you don’t want to go, don’t go. You have no obligation to do so.

I probably would have eventually gone. My friend was originally going there for 1.5 days. She will continue with her 1.5 day work trip.

Her mood and vibe completely changed when I tried to see her sooner.

About a year ago, she wanted to go to the beach. We never went. A year before that, a ski trip. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

Brilliant. Instead of talking to her and trying to figure it out, you're acting like a petulant schoolgirl. You don't sound like much of a friend.

I did talk to her. She became very squirmy and uncomfortable about meeting anytime before. The vibe changed. I was trying to figure out some childcare and have Dh rearrange his schedule. Then she and I both probably felt doubts. It is not so easy for me to go away solo on short notice. She doesn’t want to see me for whatever reason.

I have tried to see her for five years and she doesn’t see me. There is no talking it out. She tells me she is fine. She is happy doing what she is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

Why do you keep repeating yourself OP?

It’s like you’re fixated and unable to imagine anything but your fixation, even when others point out other possibilities.
And you keep on yammering the same thing over and over. Insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

Why do you keep repeating yourself OP?

It’s like you’re fixated and unable to imagine anything but your fixation, even when others point out other possibilities.
And you keep on yammering the same thing over and over. Insane.

Wtf. I’m not insane. She is the one who invited me, then didn’t want to see me and then uninvited me. I’m not fixated on anything besides holding on to a friendship that isn’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

Brilliant. Instead of talking to her and trying to figure it out, you're acting like a petulant schoolgirl. You don't sound like much of a friend.

I didn’t want to mention the money portion. The reason she originally only was going for a short period of time was because of the cost of extending. I have a lot of points for everything- flights, multiple hotels and credit card points from our Amex and Chase that we haven’t used but have been accumulating for years.

I think I have been a good friend to her. I have treated her on multiple international trips throughout our lives. I have always been generous with time and money.

She is the one who avoids me in person and can ghost a person for months or years. I am fairly certain she does not talk to anyone from our childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Local is Bethesda to Reston, not MD to NC. You are long distance friends.

It will be more fun to see each other on vacay than driving up and down 95 for 12 hours round trip to spend a whole weekend drinking wine in someone’s guest room IMO but YMMV.

I changed states. Think MD to NYC.

STILL long distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

If you’re asking her to drive from North Carolina to Maryland to hang out with you for a couple hours, I’m surprised she’s still friends with you at all.

I already said I would drive to her and the location was 3-4 hours.

I’m probably going to decline.

A 4 hour drive is not a day trip. Most people won’t do that unless it’s for a very good reason like driving from an off-tour place to NYC to see Beyonce or Taylor Swift.

I think you might have an unrealistic expectation that your friendship will look exactly as it did 5 years ago, pre-Covid when she was single and probably still in her twenties. Distance is a real barrier, frankly.

She might have been receptive to an offer to vacation together from you even, but you’re just really stuck on this 8 hr trip to do not anything particularly special.

We are in our forties. I have known her for over thirty years.

For over five years, she has cancelled or declined every effort. This is not about next week. I already said she does not have to drive at all so it isn’t about some 8 hour trip. She actually lives on the way to my parents’ house so we literally drive by her multiple times per year. I could exit off the highway and be at her place with a 10 min detour. That is how I would see her for a decade. I would have lunch or spend a night or she would come see me near my parents. Before I had kids and when we were younger, she would come to me at my parents often.

Both she and my parents would be a long day trip but I have done it many times. My parents are elderly and I have gone to check on them and drive back on the same day.

Sounds like she has had some depression.

[Anonymous]

Yes, go. She's probably gone through a rough patch and will tell you about it.

[Anonymous]

Oh I forgot to mention, then she filed for bankruptcy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh I forgot to mention, then she filed for bankruptcy.

I do not think she filed for bankruptcy. She used to have bad credit from her twenties. I don’t think she uses any credit now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meant to say she has been depressed and avoiding, not divorced and avoiding.

Maybe.

If she has been depressed it is a reasonable excuse for her to have actively avoided you in the past.
For many people, going through a divorce can be life-altering in a very negative manner.

I would take this time to catch up w/her & just see how things go.