Would you go on a trip with a friend who doesn’t ever want to meet locally?

[Anonymous]

Repeating BS makes true!!

-Trump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go. You live one life. This person is someone who has been important in your life. Give it a shot. If it is a crappy vacation, you can remember the good times you had and be clear that you are sort of done with her. And who knows, it may be a great vacation and she comes clean on what has gone on in her life. That is a great payoff. I would go. The upside fat exceeds the downside

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Repeating BS makes true!!

-Trump

What BS? She’s divorced and her mom died. She is broke. She has always been broke before and after divorce. These are all true.

My mom has the same type of cancer as her mom. These are the texts and calls she returns immediately. She has given me advice on hospice and funerals. She always asks about my family and kids. Then she gets really weird and reluctant to talk about very small details about herself and about meeting. He job for example. When I asked about where and what, she became withdrawn. It made her so uncomfortable that I asked the schedule of her trip so I could coordinate my portion. She went from saying she has no birthday plans, that she has nothing going on to she wants to focus on her work but can’t say the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Repeating BS makes true!!

-Trump

What BS? She’s divorced and her mom died. She is broke. She has always been broke before and after divorce. These are all true.

My mom has the same type of cancer as her mom. These are the texts and calls she returns immediately. She has given me advice on hospice and funerals. She always asks about my family and kids. Then she gets really weird and reluctant to talk about very small details about herself and about meeting. He job for example. When I asked about where and what, she became withdrawn. It made her so uncomfortable that I asked the schedule of her trip so I could coordinate my portion. She went from saying she has no birthday plans, that she has nothing going on to she wants to focus on her work but can’t say the work.

You know asking for a meetup or asking for details makes her uncomfortable. You said the mood changed when you asked her to meet you. You said until then you had both been excited about the upcoming trip. You know those are uncomfortable topics for her so in the middle of a happy moment, instead of enjoying it and holding onto that, you went and did something you knew (based on 5 years of experience) would change the mood and make her feel uncomfortable.

Do you have anxiety? You’re trying to control the dynamic and having difficulty dealing with change. You keep repeating points everyone already knows. Your DH doesn’t want to hear about the situation which makes me think you’ve talked issues with this friend to death in the past.

You don’t have to understand why she’s doing what she’s doing. It doesn’t matter why, other than to appease your curiosity. She’s being there for you emotionally and in every way that doesn’t require a 4 hour drive. It doesn’t matter who makes the drive. Stop asking because if her saying no is due to depression or anxiety about her appearance or her home situation, every time you ask is pressuring her. You’re making her reject you multiple times instead of taking a hint.

I hope you’re not like this with your kids. You remind me of the type of mom who would never let things go or would say something so passive aggressive you ruin happy moments. Like if their kid is in a play, when it’s over, they say something like “you did such a great job! You only messed up 3 lines!” That’s basically what you did by inviting her to meet locally during a happy/excited period in your friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Local is Bethesda to Reston, not MD to NC. You are long distance friends.

It will be more fun to see each other on vacay than driving up and down 95 for 12 hours round trip to spend a whole weekend drinking wine in someone’s guest room IMO but YMMV.

I changed states. Think MD to NYC.

What the H. Get your fake story straight Op.

OP, are you just a sense homebody? I’m so confused at why the OP is grappling with this. The friend’s mom DIED a few years ago after the friend’s divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Repeating BS makes true!!

-Trump

What BS? She’s divorced and her mom died. She is broke. She has always been broke before and after divorce. These are all true.

My mom has the same type of cancer as her mom. These are the texts and calls she returns immediately. She has given me advice on hospice and funerals. She always asks about my family and kids. Then she gets really weird and reluctant to talk about very small details about herself and about meeting. He job for example. When I asked about where and what, she became withdrawn. It made her so uncomfortable that I asked the schedule of her trip so I could coordinate my portion. She went from saying she has no birthday plans, that she has nothing going on to she wants to focus on her work but can’t say the work.

You know asking for a meetup or asking for details makes her uncomfortable. You said the mood changed when you asked her to meet you. You said until then you had both been excited about the upcoming trip. You know those are uncomfortable topics for her so in the middle of a happy moment, instead of enjoying it and holding onto that, you went and did something you knew (based on 5 years of experience) would change the mood and make her feel uncomfortable.

Do you have anxiety? You’re trying to control the dynamic and having difficulty dealing with change. You keep repeating points everyone already knows. Your DH doesn’t want to hear about the situation which makes me think you’ve talked issues with this friend to death in the past.

You don’t have to understand why she’s doing what she’s doing. It doesn’t matter why, other than to appease your curiosity. She’s being there for you emotionally and in every way that doesn’t require a 4 hour drive. It doesn’t matter who makes the drive. Stop asking because if her saying no is due to depression or anxiety about her appearance or her home situation, every time you ask is pressuring her. You’re making her reject you multiple times instead of taking a hint.

I hope you’re not like this with your kids. You remind me of the type of mom who would never let things go or would say something so passive aggressive you ruin happy moments. Like if their kid is in a play, when it’s over, they say something like “you did such a great job! You only messed up 3 lines!” That’s basically what you did by inviting her to meet locally during a happy/excited period in your friendship.

No, I’m not an anxious person at all. However, my friend has a lot of anxiety.

I was not asking specifics about the job or work. I was asking dates of her work and the airport she was flying into and where she was staying. This was where she got uncomfortable. DH thinks she doesn’t have anything booked and wanted me to fund her trip. The whole situation is off. Im not going. I don’t know if she is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally don’t understand why you hesitate to go on this trip. It sounds like a great opportunity to reconnect with her. That said, if you don’t want to go, don’t go. You have no obligation to do so.

I probably would have eventually gone. My friend was originally going there for 1.5 days. She will continue with her 1.5 day work trip.

Her mood and vibe completely changed when I tried to see her sooner.

About a year ago, she wanted to go to the beach. We never went. A year before that, a ski trip. It is what it is.

Why would you do this? She was probably reminded about why she doesn't like hanging out with you. She asks if you want to go on a trip in May. You say how about next weekend. She already has the trip in May planned. Why wouldn't you just agree to go on that and then see her then? I wouldn't want to hang out with you either at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read the entire thread OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't go, frankly.

You wouldn’t be hesitant to go away for several days with a person who refuses to see you for a few hours?

I have seen her once in 5 years and she still refuses to see me.

Grow up OP.

You’re so fake & off or so self centered pls don’t go anywhere.

I’m genuinely confused. I am fake because I am hesitant about traveling by plane to hang out with a person for almost a week with a person who has avoided seeing me in person for five years???

You’re fake because you’re a Troll. You keep ramming ahead with your nonsense posts. Not reading or thinking or actually responding to anyone, except to be defensive and immature and Trollish again and again.

Stay home.

I am absolutely not a troll. I have a friend, my former childhood best friend who I have known for over thirty years. She is very hot and cold. She is like this with me and with her boyfriends and ex husband. She shuts down and shuts people out. I don’t think I have done anything wrong to her minus being still married and having three children.

In a very short time, she excitedly invited me on this trip with her. I also got excited and said I was free next weekend and she completely shut down and withdrew. The vibe changed. The same way I didn’t feel comfortable planning and booking flights and hotels with a person who seemed to change and not want to see me, I’m sure she felt the same since she is the one who doesn’t want to see me.

It is over. I’m not going.

Why do you keep repeating yourself OP?

It’s like you’re fixated and unable to imagine anything but your fixation, even when others point out other possibilities.
And you keep on yammering the same thing over and over. Insane.

Wtf. I’m not insane. She is the one who invited me, then didn’t want to see me and then uninvited me. I’m not fixated on anything besides holding on to a friendship that isn’t there.

Correction: she invited you. YOU CAME UP WITH A DIFFERENT TIME. Then she didn't want to see you anymore. Do you see the problem? (Hint, it's in the mirror).

[Anonymous]

so fixated on yourself OP Troll. just ramming away with you you you and your personal view.

not a good look.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a demanding job. He was looking at his schedule and the questions were very basic like what day(s) are your work meetings. Which airport are you flying into. There are multiple airports and the city and surrounding areas are quite vast. I was not prying about who or what company or what her meetings were about. The questions were about dates and location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am SO confused by how you are perceiving this.

You are NOT LOCAL to each other. You live hours away from each other. She DOES want to see you - but on vacation.

She is single and wants someone to travel with!

The past few years she has been dealing with the pandemic and a sick and dying mom.

What is your problem? If you want to see her, so her. If you dont, dont. But dont not see her just because she'd rather go on a trip than hang out in her or your city.

I was attempting to be anonymous. While I am 99% certain my friend does not go on DCUM, I am sure people in my DMV life do come on here. My friend and I live one state away. It is 2.5 hours no traffic but normally takes 3-4 hours. Yes, we don’t live 20 min away but it is very easy to meet locally, meaning her local in her area. I was not asking her to come to me or drive anywhere. As I wrote above, she lives close to my parents as we are childhood friends and I believe she currently lives at her mom’s house although I’m not even sure of that. She gets squirmy if I ask any details. She used to be very open but not anymore since her divorce.

We are on fine terms, the exact same as before this work trip even came up. I have not tried to see her since last year when she also asked me to go somewhere. Now that I think of it, she had asked me to go skiing in another country on short notice. If I remember correctly, it was difficult for me to coordinate because of the kids and I had said let’s meet up locally to ski. Locally meaning somewhere she and I both could drive to. The international and local ski trip never happened.

Why are you so obsessed with meeting up ‘locally’? She doesn’t want to hang out with you in her home town or yours, she wants to travel with you! And you live 4 hours away, that is not local. I wouldn’t want to ski anywhere around DC, but I would totally go to the Alps with friends! I have some local friends, as in live in my same county, 15 mins away, and we mostly see each other on trips. Like maybe once or twice a year we’ll grab a quick dinner, but spend several days together in Europe or the Caribbean or whatever.

If you want to be part of this woman’s life, travel with her. Or tell her you’re done with her!

I am actually not trying to meet her at all. She was the one who randomly brings up some trip. DH thinks she just wants me to pay for it. That’s his perspective because she can’t do the trip without me paying for it so she asks if I want to go. In years past, I have paid in full for trips to Europe, Asia, Middle East, Vegas, Florida, Arizona, NYC. DH was annoyed because I still paid for her when she was married. He was like why are we still paying for her.

She couldn’t extend the work trip because it is an expensive area.

So either DH is right and she just takes advantage and has no interest in actually hanging out with me, only to go on trips. Or she is truly depressed or mentally ill. It is probably a mix of the two.

You are quite possibly the dumbest OP on DCUM right now.

Yes, you are trying to meet her. When she discussed the work trip you brought up seeing her another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am SO confused by how you are perceiving this.

You are NOT LOCAL to each other. You live hours away from each other. She DOES want to see you - but on vacation.

She is single and wants someone to travel with!

The past few years she has been dealing with the pandemic and a sick and dying mom.

What is your problem? If you want to see her, so her. If you dont, dont. But dont not see her just because she'd rather go on a trip than hang out in her or your city.

I was attempting to be anonymous. While I am 99% certain my friend does not go on DCUM, I am sure people in my DMV life do come on here. My friend and I live one state away. It is 2.5 hours no traffic but normally takes 3-4 hours. Yes, we don’t live 20 min away but it is very easy to meet locally, meaning her local in her area. I was not asking her to come to me or drive anywhere. As I wrote above, she lives close to my parents as we are childhood friends and I believe she currently lives at her mom’s house although I’m not even sure of that. She gets squirmy if I ask any details. She used to be very open but not anymore since her divorce.

We are on fine terms, the exact same as before this work trip even came up. I have not tried to see her since last year when she also asked me to go somewhere. Now that I think of it, she had asked me to go skiing in another country on short notice. If I remember correctly, it was difficult for me to coordinate because of the kids and I had said let’s meet up locally to ski. Locally meaning somewhere she and I both could drive to. The international and local ski trip never happened.

Why are you so obsessed with meeting up ‘locally’? She doesn’t want to hang out with you in her home town or yours, she wants to travel with you! And you live 4 hours away, that is not local. I wouldn’t want to ski anywhere around DC, but I would totally go to the Alps with friends! I have some local friends, as in live in my same county, 15 mins away, and we mostly see each other on trips. Like maybe once or twice a year we’ll grab a quick dinner, but spend several days together in Europe or the Caribbean or whatever.

If you want to be part of this woman’s life, travel with her. Or tell her you’re done with her!

I am actually not trying to meet her at all. She was the one who randomly brings up some trip. DH thinks she just wants me to pay for it. That’s his perspective because she can’t do the trip without me paying for it so she asks if I want to go. In years past, I have paid in full for trips to Europe, Asia, Middle East, Vegas, Florida, Arizona, NYC. DH was annoyed because I still paid for her when she was married. He was like why are we still paying for her.

She couldn’t extend the work trip because it is an expensive area.

So either DH is right and she just takes advantage and has no interest in actually hanging out with me, only to go on trips. Or she is truly depressed or mentally ill. It is probably a mix of the two.

Troll who makes zero sense. This whole thread is OP troll and OP troll sock puppeting.

How does it not make sense?

I have a childhood friend. We were very close. We lived in different states since college but have been in one another’s lives for decades. Until her divorce, we saw one another several times per year. Then she got divorced and her mom died. I have not seen my friend since her divorce, before Covid.

The money part is that I have mostly always covered my friend financially. I am in a lucrative field and always earned significantly more than my friend. My friend never finished college and has always worked in low paying fields. I ended up marrying a very high earner. DH earns a seven figure income. At some point, it didn’t make sense to ask my friend to chip in her hundreds and an international plane ticket was hard for her to save up for so I just paid for it. I always told Dh it was my birthday present, to go away with my best friend away so Dh was fine with it.

I have not seen or travelled with my friend for over five years.

DING DING DING there it is!

Who had this on their DCUM bingo card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a demanding job. He was looking at his schedule and the questions were very basic like what day(s) are your work meetings. Which airport are you flying into. There are multiple airports and the city and surrounding areas are quite vast. I was not prying about who or what company or what her meetings were about. The questions were about dates and location.

BINGO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am SO confused by how you are perceiving this.

You are NOT LOCAL to each other. You live hours away from each other. She DOES want to see you - but on vacation.

She is single and wants someone to travel with!

The past few years she has been dealing with the pandemic and a sick and dying mom.

What is your problem? If you want to see her, so her. If you dont, dont. But dont not see her just because she'd rather go on a trip than hang out in her or your city.

I was attempting to be anonymous. While I am 99% certain my friend does not go on DCUM, I am sure people in my DMV life do come on here. My friend and I live one state away. It is 2.5 hours no traffic but normally takes 3-4 hours. Yes, we don’t live 20 min away but it is very easy to meet locally, meaning her local in her area. I was not asking her to come to me or drive anywhere. As I wrote above, she lives close to my parents as we are childhood friends and I believe she currently lives at her mom’s house although I’m not even sure of that. She gets squirmy if I ask any details. She used to be very open but not anymore since her divorce.

We are on fine terms, the exact same as before this work trip even came up. I have not tried to see her since last year when she also asked me to go somewhere. Now that I think of it, she had asked me to go skiing in another country on short notice. If I remember correctly, it was difficult for me to coordinate because of the kids and I had said let’s meet up locally to ski. Locally meaning somewhere she and I both could drive to. The international and local ski trip never happened.

Why are you so obsessed with meeting up ‘locally’? She doesn’t want to hang out with you in her home town or yours, she wants to travel with you! And you live 4 hours away, that is not local. I wouldn’t want to ski anywhere around DC, but I would totally go to the Alps with friends! I have some local friends, as in live in my same county, 15 mins away, and we mostly see each other on trips. Like maybe once or twice a year we’ll grab a quick dinner, but spend several days together in Europe or the Caribbean or whatever.

If you want to be part of this woman’s life, travel with her. Or tell her you’re done with her!

I am actually not trying to meet her at all. She was the one who randomly brings up some trip. DH thinks she just wants me to pay for it. That’s his perspective because she can’t do the trip without me paying for it so she asks if I want to go. In years past, I have paid in full for trips to Europe, Asia, Middle East, Vegas, Florida, Arizona, NYC. DH was annoyed because I still paid for her when she was married. He was like why are we still paying for her.

She couldn’t extend the work trip because it is an expensive area.

So either DH is right and she just takes advantage and has no interest in actually hanging out with me, only to go on trips. Or she is truly depressed or mentally ill. It is probably a mix of the two.

You are quite possibly the dumbest OP on DCUM right now.

Yes, you are trying to meet her. When she discussed the work trip you brought up seeing her another time.

I meant I was not trying to meet her before she reached out to me and told me how much she misses me and wanted to see me. I did not reach out to her first and try to see her out of the blue.

I did not want her to be completely alone on her birthday so I tried to see her next week. At this same time, I tried to get the ball rolling on dates, flights and hotels since it is a month away. Dh already has a lot on his calendar. I can’t just leave. I have to coordinate with Dh since we have 3 kids.

She reached out again and tried to plan some bigger trip for a milestone birthday. I didnt respond and don’t plan on planning anything with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a demanding job. He was looking at his schedule and the questions were very basic like what day(s) are your work meetings. Which airport are you flying into. There are multiple airports and the city and surrounding areas are quite vast. I was not prying about who or what company or what her meetings were about. The questions were about dates and location.

what is this mumbo jumbo? Is this OP writing more nonsense?