Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.

[Anonymous]

When is it scheduled for?
What is your guy saying?
Will you report back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do this once a month. Minus the hotel room, ha. And it’s less Big. But we get delivery of all the things and sit in the living room. We snuggle and ask some questions about how we felt communication went the last month, what’s working well, anything we want to focus on, anything that feels unresolved or upsetting that the other didn’t bring up, how intimacy felt. Stuff like that.

It isn’t that weird once you start doing it, and I really feel like it’s helped both feel happy as we think back on the month and also not keep upsetting things pushed down that, for whatever reason, we didn’t bring up at the time. Stops resentment from building over little or big things.

We cuddle and enjoy food and maybe have sex or watch a show after. It’s a really nice thing. We both came from pretty challenging relationships before, and this feels healthy.

Once a month?! How long have you been together?

Almost four years.

[Anonymous]

Trapped in a hotel room to give and receive performance reviews? Nope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many people has he done this with before? Like if it’s a list of questions he runs through with everyone at the 6 month mark, I too would feel like I was being interrogated and assessed, data-analytics style, and that would not be a relationship for me. Conversely, if this is the first time he’s ever done such a thing, I might have mixed feelings on that too. On one hand I’d feel flattered that he was so seriously and carefully considering a future with me, but on the other, depending on how detailed and extensive the questions are, it would be weird that he’d gone ahead and done all this alone without even knowing whether I’d be into the idea. I guess the point is that he needs to be with someone who would respond positively to this. Is he an organized, secretly passionate guy with a super clear vision of the future that he wants to share with you? Or is he assessing you on a point scale? Does this strike you as controlling, or really an attempt to be vulnerable and open with you?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it's either great or horrible. There's kind of no in-between.

Meaning: If this is sweet fun sexy night, you guys have a nice dinner and are on the same page about life goals, this could be where you figure that out.

If it's some weird roll-call thing where he's seeing if you check his boxes (which is kind of how you're presenting it? Are you not sure?), then time to throw this one back.

+1

Is he on the spectrum, OP? Why is he so controlling?

[Anonymous]

OP. He isn’t controlling of me at all. He’s very in control of his own life but not of me or mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We love each other and are very happy together. He gave me a full page of preparation questions about emotional satisfaction, sex life, individual and mutual goals, domestic life, and finances. Says this is a 6-m review so we can air and address any unspoken expectations or needs. Booked a hotel room. Thoughts?

Coming out of a 17 year marriage, full disclosure — but I think this sounds good. I’d love to be with someone who understood that clear communication on all these topics is the basis for a strong longterm relationship. If my bf did this I’d be extremely turned on that he wanted to talk through everything and the romantic hotel room would not go to waste!

+1

But OP, only you would know if he’s just type A and wanting a relationship with good communication and sees this is a way to get there, or if he’s controlling or on the spectrum.

If you’re together long term and decide to build a family together, this habit could really help as life gets more complicated.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a bad Lifetime made for TV movie and you’re going to spend the next three months fighting to get out of that hotel room while your mom and best friend work with local authorities to find you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. He isn’t controlling of me at all. He’s very in control of his own life but not of me or mine.

Like others have said, this could be a sign that he values clear communication or it could be a sign that he has an unrealistic, maybe unhealthy, need to feel a sense of control. OP, have you seen how he reacts to things outside his control, like unpredictable changes to his plans or routines?

[Anonymous]

If you marry him, make sure you get a prenup to protect you in the event of one of these six month reviews not going so well.

[Anonymous]

Given the number of people on this site who marry and go on to have children with men who seem unable to function and contribute meaningfully to family life and somehow the woman didn’t clue into this ahead of time, I’d call this a good thing.

Many people focus on all the wrong things and have their head up their asses when choosing a life partner. Some practical conversations might not be rom com worthy , but if this is handled well sounds really smart to me.

[Anonymous]

This is a great idea too often do people verbally say things in passing or wishy washy and both sides. I have heard that there are marriage contracts now that stipulate cheating, weight gain and substance abuse this is a step in the right direction.

[Anonymous]

Both sides should be held accountable, women often weaponize sex to manipulate but men do the same often with money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would run far, far away.

But maybe that’s just me. I’d like more of an organic discussion. It’s not a bad idea to periodically check in to see if you’re on the same page about things, etc, but this just seems too contrived.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

OP. For those saying they prefer more of a organic discussion, his perspective is that he’d rather address things early and preemptively than wait until they build up to resentments / organic discussion level.