Boyfriend of 6m initiated a “state of the union” meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you like logical detail and goal oriented it will be a good match.
Don’t expect spontaneous and go with the flow kind of boyfriend.

This. My first gut reaction is that he has some [b][img]autistic tendencies. If you have enjoyed his demeanor up until now, that’s fine. But it’s likely to be your whole life together. So see how it goes, but if you don’t enjoy this process at six months, you will hate it at six years. This is why you date - to see if you mesh. They don’t have to be bad people to be not right for you.

No (and not appropriate).

OP this would be it for me. I get enough nonsense like this at the office without it jumping to my personal life.

[Anonymous]

I think this should be implemented in all relationships. So many of us end up stopping to communicate with our partners and then at some point it feels like the ship has sailed and it’s too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. For those saying they prefer more of an organic discussion, his perspective is that he’d rather address things early and preemptively than wait until they build up to resentments / organic discussion level.

Can’t you both just discuss what you like or don’t like in the moment that it happens?

[Anonymous]

I think that a six month check in is a great idea to get a feel for where you are in a relationship. However, a written page of questions indicates he might be obsessive or anal reactive. You could always send back a list of your questions or better yet, at the boutique hotel do a Power Point presentation answering every question with words and visuals (soft porn ok) and take being obsessive to a new level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this should be implemented in all relationships. So many of us end up stopping to communicate with our partners and then at some point it feels like the ship has sailed and it’s too late.

That’s exactly what he’s trying to prevent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We love each other and are very happy together. He gave me a full page of preparation questions about emotional satisfaction, sex life, individual and mutual goals, domestic life, and finances. Says this is a 6-m review so we can air and address any unspoken expectations or needs. Booked a hotel room. Thoughts?

How old are both of you? Past marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do this once a month. Minus the hotel room, ha. And it’s less Big. But we get delivery of all the things and sit in the living room. We snuggle and ask some questions about how we felt communication went the last month, what’s working well, anything we want to focus on, anything that feels unresolved or upsetting that the other didn’t bring up, how intimacy felt. Stuff like that.

It isn’t that weird once you start doing it, and I really feel like it’s helped both feel happy as we think back on the month and also not keep upsetting things pushed down that, for whatever reason, we didn’t bring up at the time. Stops resentment from building over little or big things.

We cuddle and enjoy food and maybe have sex or watch a show after. It’s a really nice thing. We both came from pretty challenging relationships before, and this feels healthy.

Fantastic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hate it, but other people would love it. It sounds like an employee review, and a thing that drives me up the wall is when people bring communicating techniques from the work world into their personal lives. My BIL does this, and schedules family meetings that seem like business meetings. It works for some of us, but I can't stand it.

Same for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who is proactive about communicating and booked a hotel room? Sign me up as long as there are no other red flags ie big grievances.

He will want to rule the roost; not for me but to each their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. It’s a romantic boutique hotel.

He wants to propose unless you fail his weird test!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. He isn’t controlling of me at all. He’s very in control of his own life but not of me or mine.

It’s just the start
He will want to have rules for you and the kids
And if you are less organized than him he will incessantly nag you about being disorganized and not following the rules (his rules)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. For those saying they prefer more of an organic discussion, his perspective is that he’d rather address things early and preemptively than wait until they build up to resentments / organic discussion level.

He wants to feel it out if he can control you and talk you into seeing his side of things etc

[Anonymous]

You should be talking about things throughout, as soon as they come up.

He doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should be talking about things throughout, as soon as they come up.

He doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me.

You seem closed-minded.

[Anonymous]

My dd once had some engineer housemates who 6-M’d when the trash should be taken out, complete with diagrams and hand drawn pictures. Thought it was hilarious!