Bisexual Husband

[Anonymous]

It’s wild to me that people are discouraging you from asking. You should know what your partner’s sexual orientation is. This is basic information.

[Anonymous]

Denial is a river in Egypt your husband is GAY

[Anonymous]

Rent a gay p0rn movie and see if he likes it. 🤷‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very curious about this. My XH definitely liked women (and is currently with a woman now). But one day when our marriage was on the rocks he suggested an open marriage and threesome. I assumed he wanted two women at the same time but he said he wanted another man, not so he could watch him with me but *to do him from behind*. We never did it and eventually divorced but this statement of his still lives rent free in my brain.

Maybe he just really wanted to try anal but couldn't find a woman who would do it.

Yeah, I know it’s popular, but the really wanting to try anal in and of itself is pretty gay. Most straight men are perfectly happy with a self-lubricating, feces-free vagina.

I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men who were very hetero and they were all interested in the anal option - which isn’t an option with me. I think typical hetero men in particular will F any hole they can, if they can get away with it.

Correct.

DH here. Straight guys like anal, but ONLY with women (not men).

Pretty sure gay dudes or bis want to kiss (and do other stuff) with another man. NO THANK YOU!

How exactly do you know what ALL straight guys like or don't like?

Guys talk. Not so much now that we are all married. But during my dating years, we talked, and often anal (with women) came up when guys talk about s*x. It is a lot more common than you might think and yes- there are many, many women who enjoy it (as in: they like it; they want to do it). Is it “all” straight guys or all women ? Of course no one can know everything. But it is quite common.

But I have never known a straight guy who even hinted he had done stuff with other guys, or even fantasized about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a bisexual husband? If so, how and when did he come out to you? I think my partner may be bi. I want to talk to him about it but don’t want to make him feel embarrassed or defensive.

If you’re already married, why did it matter if he’s bi or not? He chose to marry and so the covenant of marriage requires fidelity to you and you only. Otherwise it isn’t marriage. It’s….something else.

Husbands who are heterosexual don’t just cease being attracted to other females just because they got married. But the attraction becomes irrelevant because they are pledging that they will no longer act on this attraction.

There is no need to pick at this scab, OP. You are only inviting heartache.

So OP should just shove down her questions, try harder not to see whatever signs she feels she is seeing, and swallow her doubts that he is the person he presented himself as being (and possibly, the person he honestly believed he was) when they got together? Do you really believe that, once she's started seeing indicators and having her own doubts, she can really just lock those away and be truly happy in her ignorance?

I agree that if he's faithful, he's faithful, and infidelity with anyone alters a marriage (or committed relationship) permanently. But I think you, PP, vastly underestimate how it would feel to discover your partner's core sexuality is not what you believed, whether your partner is cheating or not.

We're supposed to know our spouses on the deepest level, and supposed to share our real selves with our spouses. You would advocate for OP to skirt all that and just be happy as long as he's faithful. Of course there are bisexuals in happy, monogamous marriages who are utterly faithful, but I hope they're out to their spouses. Otherwise they are hiding a fundamental truth about themselves from the one person with whom they're supposed to navigate their entire lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s wild to me that people are discouraging you from asking. You should know what your partner’s sexual orientation is. This is basic information.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a bisexual husband? If so, how and when did he come out to you? I think my partner may be bi. I want to talk to him about it but don’t want to make him feel embarrassed or defensive.

If you’re already married, why did it matter if he’s bi or not? He chose to marry and so the covenant of marriage requires fidelity to you and you only. Otherwise it isn’t marriage. It’s….something else.

Husbands who are heterosexual don’t just cease being attracted to other females just because they got married. But the attraction becomes irrelevant because they are pledging that they will no longer act on this attraction.

There is no need to pick at this scab, OP. You are only inviting heartache.

So OP should just shove down her questions, try harder not to see whatever signs she feels she is seeing, and swallow her doubts that he is the person he presented himself as being (and possibly, the person he honestly believed he was) when they got together? Do you really believe that, once she's started seeing indicators and having her own doubts, she can really just lock those away and be truly happy in her ignorance?

I agree that if he's faithful, he's faithful, and infidelity with anyone alters a marriage (or committed relationship) permanently. But I think you, PP, vastly underestimate how it would feel to discover your partner's core sexuality is not what you believed, whether your partner is cheating or not.

We're supposed to know our spouses on the deepest level, and supposed to share our real selves with our spouses. You would advocate for OP to skirt all that and just be happy as long as he's faithful. Of course there are bisexuals in happy, monogamous marriages who are utterly faithful, but I hope they're out to their spouses. Otherwise they are hiding a fundamental truth about themselves from the one person with whom they're supposed to navigate their entire lives.

On one hand, yes you really need to just him:

- are you now, or have you ever been, attracted to s*d with men?

Simple question. Yes or no answer.

For me personally it is an easy NO. I agree with those who think you should ask, instead of letting the unanswered question live rent-free in your head, eating you up.

On the other hand: drop the false thought out of your head that maybe he’s gay because he wants to do butt stuff with you. If he wants to do it with you, he’s not gay and there is no suggestion he’s bi to be drawn from it. Just relax, be open minded, and enjoy a new way to love. Gwynneth Paltrow wrote several good posts on her blog about her positive experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a bisexual husband? If so, how and when did he come out to you? I think my partner may be bi. I want to talk to him about it but don’t want to make him feel embarrassed or defensive.

If you’re already married, why did it matter if he’s bi or not? He chose to marry and so the covenant of marriage requires fidelity to you and you only. Otherwise it isn’t marriage. It’s….something else.

Husbands who are heterosexual don’t just cease being attracted to other females just because they got married. But the attraction becomes irrelevant because they are pledging that they will no longer act on this attraction.

There is no need to pick at this scab, OP. You are only inviting heartache.

So OP should just shove down her questions, try harder not to see whatever signs she feels she is seeing, and swallow her doubts that he is the person he presented himself as being (and possibly, the person he honestly believed he was) when they got together? Do you really believe that, once she's started seeing indicators and having her own doubts, she can really just lock those away and be truly happy in her ignorance?

I agree that if he's faithful, he's faithful, and infidelity with anyone alters a marriage (or committed relationship) permanently. But I think you, PP, vastly underestimate how it would feel to discover your partner's core sexuality is not what you believed, whether your partner is cheating or not.

We're supposed to know our spouses on the deepest level, and supposed to share our real selves with our spouses. You would advocate for OP to skirt all that and just be happy as long as he's faithful. Of course there are bisexuals in happy, monogamous marriages who are utterly faithful, but I hope they're out to their spouses. Otherwise they are hiding a fundamental truth about themselves from the one person with whom they're supposed to navigate their entire lives.

On one hand, yes you really need to just him:

- are you now, or have you ever been, attracted to s*d with men?

Simple question. Yes or no answer.

For me personally it is an easy NO. I agree with those who think you should ask, instead of letting the unanswered question live rent-free in your head, eating you up.

On the other hand: drop the false thought out of your head that maybe he’s gay because he wants to do butt stuff with you. If he wants to do it with you, he’s not gay and there is no suggestion he’s bi to be drawn from it. Just relax, be open minded, and enjoy a new way to love. Gwynneth Paltrow wrote several good posts on her blog about her positive experiences.

DP. Maybe I missed it earlier in the thread, but where did the OP say that her partner asking for an*l was what made her wonder if he was bi? I don't think OP said any such thing here. I think you're confusing others' discussion of backdoor sex with OP's initial post which says nothing about what specifically makes her think he's bi. Just clarifying. The downfall of DCUM is it often can be confusing whether a person posting after the initial post is an OP or just a random responder. Yes, if he's wanting an*l that may be giving her pause, and I agree that it's not a reason to suspect a man who asks for it is anything other than straight, but I don't think OP has said that was the case with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very curious about this. My XH definitely liked women (and is currently with a woman now). But one day when our marriage was on the rocks he suggested an open marriage and threesome. I assumed he wanted two women at the same time but he said he wanted another man, not so he could watch him with me but *to do him from behind*. We never did it and eventually divorced but this statement of his still lives rent free in my brain.

Maybe he just really wanted to try anal but couldn't find a woman who would do it.

Yeah, I know it’s popular, but the really wanting to try anal in and of itself is pretty gay. Most straight men are perfectly happy with a self-lubricating, feces-free vagina.

I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men who were very hetero and they were all interested in the anal option - which isn’t an option with me. I think typical hetero men in particular will F any hole they can, if they can get away with it.

Correct.

DH here. Straight guys like anal, but ONLY with women (not men).

Pretty sure gay dudes or bis want to kiss (and do other stuff) with another man. NO THANK YOU!

How exactly do you know what ALL straight guys like or don't like?

Guys talk. Not so much now that we are all married. But during my dating years, we talked, and often anal (with women) came up when guys talk about s*x. It is a lot more common than you might think and yes- there are many, many women who enjoy it (as in: they like it; they want to do it). Is it “all” straight guys or all women ? Of course no one can know everything. But it is quite common.

But I have never known a straight guy who even hinted he had done stuff with other guys, or even fantasized about that.

Do you really expect them to admit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s wild to me that people are discouraging you from asking. You should know what your partner’s sexual orientation is. This is basic information.

+1

Closeted people don't tell you the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very curious about this. My XH definitely liked women (and is currently with a woman now). But one day when our marriage was on the rocks he suggested an open marriage and threesome. I assumed he wanted two women at the same time but he said he wanted another man, not so he could watch him with me but *to do him from behind*. We never did it and eventually divorced but this statement of his still lives rent free in my brain.

Maybe he just really wanted to try anal but couldn't find a woman who would do it.

Yeah, I know it’s popular, but the really wanting to try anal in and of itself is pretty gay. Most straight men are perfectly happy with a self-lubricating, feces-free vagina.

I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men who were very hetero and they were all interested in the anal option - which isn’t an option with me. I think typical hetero men in particular will F any hole they can, if they can get away with it.

Correct.

DH here. Straight guys like anal, but ONLY with women (not men).

Pretty sure gay dudes or bis want to kiss (and do other stuff) with another man. NO THANK YOU!

How exactly do you know what ALL straight guys like or don't like?

Guys talk. Not so much now that we are all married. But during my dating years, we talked, and often anal (with women) came up when guys talk about s*x. It is a lot more common than you might think and yes- there are many, many women who enjoy it (as in: they like it; they want to do it). Is it “all” straight guys or all women ? Of course no one can know everything. But it is quite common.

But I have never known a straight guy who even hinted he had done stuff with other guys, or even fantasized about that.

Obviously they are not going to tell you about it. There are plenty of straight guys who seek out hookups with men when their wife or GF is out of town. They might be bi or gay curious or they might actually be straight and horny and not want to hookup with a woman for whatever reason. You need to broaden your perspective a little and stop thinking in black and white when there are a million shades of gray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a bisexual husband? If so, how and when did he come out to you? I think my partner may be bi. I want to talk to him about it but don’t want to make him feel embarrassed or defensive.

If you’re already married, why did it matter if he’s bi or not? He chose to marry and so the covenant of marriage requires fidelity to you and you only. Otherwise it isn’t marriage. It’s….something else.

Husbands who are heterosexual don’t just cease being attracted to other females just because they got married. But the attraction becomes irrelevant because they are pledging that they will no longer act on this attraction.

There is no need to pick at this scab, OP. You are only inviting heartache.

So OP should just shove down her questions, try harder not to see whatever signs she feels she is seeing, and swallow her doubts that he is the person he presented himself as being (and possibly, the person he honestly believed he was) when they got together? Do you really believe that, once she's started seeing indicators and having her own doubts, she can really just lock those away and be truly happy in her ignorance?

I agree that if he's faithful, he's faithful, and infidelity with anyone alters a marriage (or committed relationship) permanently. But I think you, PP, vastly underestimate how it would feel to discover your partner's core sexuality is not what you believed, whether your partner is cheating or not.

We're supposed to know our spouses on the deepest level, and supposed to share our real selves with our spouses. You would advocate for OP to skirt all that and just be happy as long as he's faithful. Of course there are bisexuals in happy, monogamous marriages who are utterly faithful, but I hope they're out to their spouses. Otherwise they are hiding a fundamental truth about themselves from the one person with whom they're supposed to navigate their entire lives.

On one hand, yes you really need to just him:

- are you now, or have you ever been, attracted to s*d with men?

Simple question. Yes or no answer.

For me personally it is an easy NO. I agree with those who think you should ask, instead of letting the unanswered question live rent-free in your head, eating you up.

On the other hand: drop the false thought out of your head that maybe he’s gay because he wants to do butt stuff with you. If he wants to do it with you, he’s not gay and there is no suggestion he’s bi to be drawn from it. Just relax, be open minded, and enjoy a new way to love. Gwynneth Paltrow wrote several good posts on her blog about her positive experiences.

DP. Maybe I missed it earlier in the thread, but where did the OP say that her partner asking for an*l was what made her wonder if he was bi? I don't think OP said any such thing here. I think you're confusing others' discussion of backdoor sex with OP's initial post which says nothing about what specifically makes her think he's bi. Just clarifying. The downfall of DCUM is it often can be confusing whether a person posting after the initial post is an OP or just a random responder. Yes, if he's wanting an*l that may be giving her pause, and I agree that it's not a reason to suspect a man who asks for it is anything other than straight, but I don't think OP has said that was the case with her.

Fair point.

OP - is this part of the reason you suspect he might be bi? If not, what exactly made you suspect he could be bi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a bisexual husband? If so, how and when did he come out to you? I think my partner may be bi. I want to talk to him about it but don’t want to make him feel embarrassed or defensive.

If you’re already married, why did it matter if he’s bi or not? He chose to marry and so the covenant of marriage requires fidelity to you and you only. Otherwise it isn’t marriage. It’s….something else.

Husbands who are heterosexual don’t just cease being attracted to other females just because they got married. But the attraction becomes irrelevant because they are pledging that they will no longer act on this attraction.

There is no need to pick at this scab, OP. You are only inviting heartache.

So OP should just shove down her questions, try harder not to see whatever signs she feels she is seeing, and swallow her doubts that he is the person he presented himself as being (and possibly, the person he honestly believed he was) when they got together? Do you really believe that, once she's started seeing indicators and having her own doubts, she can really just lock those away and be truly happy in her ignorance?

I agree that if he's faithful, he's faithful, and infidelity with anyone alters a marriage (or committed relationship) permanently. But I think you, PP, vastly underestimate how it would feel to discover your partner's core sexuality is not what you believed, whether your partner is cheating or not.

We're supposed to know our spouses on the deepest level, and supposed to share our real selves with our spouses. You would advocate for OP to skirt all that and just be happy as long as he's faithful. Of course there are bisexuals in happy, monogamous marriages who are utterly faithful, but I hope they're out to their spouses. Otherwise they are hiding a fundamental truth about themselves from the one person with whom they're supposed to navigate their entire lives.

On one hand, yes you really need to just him:

- are you now, or have you ever been, attracted to s*d with men?

Simple question. Yes or no answer.

For me personally it is an easy NO. I agree with those who think you should ask, instead of letting the unanswered question live rent-free in your head, eating you up.

On the other hand: drop the false thought out of your head that maybe he’s gay because he wants to do butt stuff with you. If he wants to do it with you, he’s not gay and there is no suggestion he’s bi to be drawn from it. Just relax, be open minded, and enjoy a new way to love. Gwynneth Paltrow wrote several good posts on her blog about her positive experiences.

DP. Maybe I missed it earlier in the thread, but where did the OP say that her partner asking for an*l was what made her wonder if he was bi? I don't think OP said any such thing here. I think you're confusing others' discussion of backdoor sex with OP's initial post which says nothing about what specifically makes her think he's bi. Just clarifying. The downfall of DCUM is it often can be confusing whether a person posting after the initial post is an OP or just a random responder. Yes, if he's wanting an*l that may be giving her pause, and I agree that it's not a reason to suspect a man who asks for it is anything other than straight, but I don't think OP has said that was the case with her.

Fair point.

OP - is this part of the reason you suspect he might be bi? If not, what exactly made you suspect he could be bi?

I wrote the post to which you're responding. To be clear, I don't think OP needs to give, or owes us, her specifics. She has her reasons and the question is, should she talk to him and get her suspicions out in the open. We can discuss and advise about that without needing details of exactly what she's seen.

I was just saying in my post that she had never specifically said here that an*l was what made her suspect; I didn't mean to imply that she should come back and tell us if it was, or give other details.

If she does so, the thread will bog down in discussions of every detail she posts, and whether or not we strangers think she's right. She's asking about what action to take next, not whether we think specific indicators are correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very curious about this. My XH definitely liked women (and is currently with a woman now). But one day when our marriage was on the rocks he suggested an open marriage and threesome. I assumed he wanted two women at the same time but he said he wanted another man, not so he could watch him with me but *to do him from behind*. We never did it and eventually divorced but this statement of his still lives rent free in my brain.

Maybe he just really wanted to try anal but couldn't find a woman who would do it.

Yeah, I know it’s popular, but the really wanting to try anal in and of itself is pretty gay. Most straight men are perfectly happy with a self-lubricating, feces-free vagina.

I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men who were very hetero and they were all interested in the anal option - which isn’t an option with me. I think typical hetero men in particular will F any hole they can, if they can get away with it.

Correct.

DH here. Straight guys like anal, but ONLY with women (not men).

Pretty sure gay dudes or bis want to kiss (and do other stuff) with another man. NO THANK YOU!

How exactly do you know what ALL straight guys like or don't like?

Guys talk. Not so much now that we are all married. But during my dating years, we talked, and often anal (with women) came up when guys talk about s*x. It is a lot more common than you might think and yes- there are many, many women who enjoy it (as in: they like it; they want to do it). Is it “all” straight guys or all women ? Of course no one can know everything. But it is quite common.

But I have never known a straight guy who even hinted he had done stuff with other guys, or even fantasized about that.

Obviously they are not going to tell you about it. There are plenty of straight guys who seek out hookups with men when their wife or GF is out of town. They might be bi or gay curious or they might actually be straight and horny and not want to hookup with a woman for whatever reason. You need to broaden your perspective a little and stop thinking in black and white when there are a million shades of gray.

You're going to call this "black and white" but a man who is straight is not seeking out male hookups.

You call "black and white" at anyone who says that but I think that, instead, you paint with way too broad a brush. Yes there are men who would say they are straight and would find reasons for why they just had to turn to another man for sex. Those men are deceiving themselves that they are straight and, probably for cultural or family or religious reasons, twisting themselves into pretzels to maintain their own self-image as 100 percent straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very curious about this. My XH definitely liked women (and is currently with a woman now). But one day when our marriage was on the rocks he suggested an open marriage and threesome. I assumed he wanted two women at the same time but he said he wanted another man, not so he could watch him with me but *to do him from behind*. We never did it and eventually divorced but this statement of his still lives rent free in my brain.

Maybe he just really wanted to try anal but couldn't find a woman who would do it.

Yeah, I know it’s popular, but the really wanting to try anal in and of itself is pretty gay. Most straight men are perfectly happy with a self-lubricating, feces-free vagina.

I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men who were very hetero and they were all interested in the anal option - which isn’t an option with me. I think typical hetero men in particular will F any hole they can, if they can get away with it.

Correct.

DH here. Straight guys like anal, but ONLY with women (not men).

Pretty sure gay dudes or bis want to kiss (and do other stuff) with another man. NO THANK YOU!

How exactly do you know what ALL straight guys like or don't like?

Guys talk. Not so much now that we are all married. But during my dating years, we talked, and often anal (with women) came up when guys talk about s*x. It is a lot more common than you might think and yes- there are many, many women who enjoy it (as in: they like it; they want to do it). Is it “all” straight guys or all women ? Of course no one can know everything. But it is quite common.

But I have never known a straight guy who even hinted he had done stuff with other guys, or even fantasized about that.

Straight women talk, too. Maybe they exist, I’m not saying they don’t, but I have yet to personally know even one woman who liked anal. (And yet every man seems to know so many women who love it, lol.)

I’d take those frat boy conversations you and your buddies used to have with a grain of salt. When my friends and I used to discuss sex with each other, we wanted advice, not a high five. I’m guessing you and your buddies wanted to show off while using porn as the high authority of sexual gratification.