Mother hates to communicate with me on shared tasks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer I get when I ask to plan is this is a waste of time to discuss and she doesn't have the time. She says "I get what's on sale and what I think the kids like. I'll do it at the beginning of the week when I have time."

I think you keep framing it as a communication problem but she’s been very very clear about what she’s willing to do and you are hoping for some specific words that will make her behave differently. Im sure that is frustrating.

Im sorry about the loss of your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer I get when I ask to plan is this is a waste of time to discuss and she doesn't have the time. She says "I get what's on sale and what I think the kids like. I'll do it at the beginning of the week when I have time."

I think you keep framing it as a communication problem but she’s been very very clear about what she’s willing to do and you are hoping for some specific words that will make her behave differently. Im sure that is frustrating.

Im sorry about the loss of your husband.

I just thought that there are so many husbands who behave this way or parents that have had to learn to communicate with each other on stuff like this that someone would have an idea of how to help in communication of these tasks. Guess not. I realize I can just accept the noncommunication and get backup food which I'll just do and have been doing but I'll do more. Thanks for the advice.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you come up with a weekly menu, buy the food and have cook is. Is this really such s hard problem to solve? I’m soory. I don’t understand why you are making this so complicated.

[Anonymous]

Everyone can be helping. Put a meal calendar on the fridge. Grandma can be having the kids help her on days she’s there to make meals, you can be making meals on times you’re available or can prep ahead to have things for crockpot or some thing, and there are other nights that I can be casual things the kids can “make” themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you come up with a weekly menu, buy the food and have cook is. Is this really such s hard problem to solve? I’m soory. I don’t understand why you are making this so complicated.

So do it all myself? No thanks. Already been discussed previously.

I really don't understand posters who come on just to make others feel bad and minimize their issue. Just feel sorry for your need to put others down and seek out ways to do so. I've never been on the family page before so just happen to have this one issue. It's complicated for me because I'm used to coordinating with another human and find it weird that she doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can be helping. Put a meal calendar on the fridge. Grandma can be having the kids help her on days she’s there to make meals, you can be making meals on times you’re available or can prep ahead to have things for crockpot or some thing, and there are other nights that I can be casual things the kids can “make” themselves.

We don't have extra money for this and she doesn't like others to interfere. I'll just get some backup food. Kids do make some food themselves but it's like the chicken nugget variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer I get when I ask to plan is this is a waste of time to discuss and she doesn't have the time. She says "I get what's on sale and what I think the kids like. I'll do it at the beginning of the week when I have time."

I think you keep framing it as a communication problem but she’s been very very clear about what she’s willing to do and you are hoping for some specific words that will make her behave differently. Im sure that is frustrating.

Im sorry about the loss of your husband.

BTW thank you for being an understanding DCUMer. I appreciate your help and candor.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have an article or video on communicating task sharing quickly and easily I think I've got this. Thanks for your help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can be helping. Put a meal calendar on the fridge. Grandma can be having the kids help her on days she’s there to make meals, you can be making meals on times you’re available or can prep ahead to have things for crockpot or some thing, and there are other nights that I can be casual things the kids can “make” themselves.

We don't have extra money for this and she doesn't like others to interfere. I'll just get some backup food. Kids do make some food themselves but it's like the chicken nugget variety.

You get the food, she’s the backup. You have this backwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can be helping. Put a meal calendar on the fridge. Grandma can be having the kids help her on days she’s there to make meals, you can be making meals on times you’re available or can prep ahead to have things for crockpot or some thing, and there are other nights that I can be casual things the kids can “make” themselves.

We don't have extra money for this and she doesn't like others to interfere. I'll just get some backup food. Kids do make some food themselves but it's like the chicken nugget variety.

You get the food, she’s the backup. You have this backwards.

No you have this backwards. This is the way she wants to help out. And she's doing this and we are good other than the surprises which would happen in any scenario because she doesn't communicate. This is how you do your life maybe, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can be helping. Put a meal calendar on the fridge. Grandma can be having the kids help her on days she’s there to make meals, you can be making meals on times you’re available or can prep ahead to have things for crockpot or some thing, and there are other nights that I can be casual things the kids can “make” themselves.

We don't have extra money for this and she doesn't like others to interfere. I'll just get some backup food. Kids do make some food themselves but it's like the chicken nugget variety.

You get the food, she’s the backup. You have this backwards.

No you have this backwards. This is the way she wants to help out. And she's doing this and we are good other than the surprises which would happen in any scenario because she doesn't communicate. This is how you do your life maybe, not mine.

How’s that working out for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can be helping. Put a meal calendar on the fridge. Grandma can be having the kids help her on days she’s there to make meals, you can be making meals on times you’re available or can prep ahead to have things for crockpot or some thing, and there are other nights that I can be casual things the kids can “make” themselves.

We don't have extra money for this and she doesn't like others to interfere. I'll just get some backup food. Kids do make some food themselves but it's like the chicken nugget variety.

You get the food, she’s the backup. You have this backwards.

No you have this backwards. This is the way she wants to help out. And she's doing this and we are good other than the surprises which would happen in any scenario because she doesn't communicate. This is how you do your life maybe, not mine.

How’s that working out for you?

Well thanks. I think I made that clear from the beginning other than the surprises. Do you come on every help board to post how everyone has got it wrong?

Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. Ask your mom how are you supposed to know what she has bought at the store? Maybe she will have an idea. Also, do you speak to her during your lunch break or commute? Perhaps that would be an easier method to get the information you need.

[Anonymous]

it's supposed to be all four of those. Your post was not true, it was not kind, it was not necessary, and it was not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. Ask your mom how are you supposed to know what she has bought at the store? Maybe she will have an idea. Also, do you speak to her during your lunch break or commute? Perhaps that would be an easier method to get the information you need.

She tells me to check the fridge and freezer. I've tried it all. At least 10 different ways. I'll try the bin next to the fridge for the receipt. That should work better than the photo of it. I do talk during lunch break but as I said sometimes she communicates and other times she doesn't. It's just not going to work to coordinate with a 70-year-old any more than what she wants to do. I was just trying to find a simpler way to make things work for us a little better. Overall it's working. Just could be slightly better on the days when she's out or food is finished.