Mother hates to communicate with me on shared tasks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I found your OP hard to follow. I think you should consider whether you are communicating clearly. I think the communication issue could be on your end

[phone]. If you communicate as clearly as you write, no wonder you and your mom are having issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I found your OP hard to follow. I think you should consider whether you are communicating clearly. I think the communication issue could be on your end

[phone]. If you communicate as clearly as you write, no wonder you and your mom are having issues.

The conversation ended five pages ago but really it's about OP and not your need to add onto the hate with your extra zeros. The reason I didn't respond to several people is because it's so easy to just see from their own posts that this is all they like to do. Hate hate hate. This entire dcum website has gone downhill because of people like this. I just wanted to leave all their hate here so that maybe they can reflect on why on every page they need to put every hateful thought of theirs down into the computer or phone. If you don't have experience with the topic you don't have to post. If you don't like the person or think they are weird or whatever you don't have to post. If you have a hurtful thing to say, go for a run ro walk instead of posting it.

It was a simple request to figure out how to find out what she was buying. Not a mom verses grandma hate fest. You people are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes, you are correct I need more of a stop gap. I do have frozen meals in the freezer. I have to stock up on snacks for when we are out. I'll just do this. I just thought perhaps someone had gotten through to a person who didn't regularly communicate these things.

The question was about communication, not about setting up a different system. DCUMers have trouble answering the actual questions regularly I've noticed.

Wow you sound so easy to get along with I’m shocked you’re having trouble w your mom!

She's over at our house every day and we spend weekends with her. We love her and she loves us. I just wanted some communication tactics for someone who has been a housewife and has never had to coordinate with another person.

NP. OP, here’s your answer, “ hey Mom. I appreciate all that you’re doing but it stresses me out when I don’t know whether you’ve prepared dinner on any given night. It makes it hard for me to plan ahead and the uncertainty is stressful. It would be a huge help if you give me a heads up in advance so i can plan ahead. Thanks, Mom. Love you.” Is this really so complicated for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes, you are correct I need more of a stop gap. I do have frozen meals in the freezer. I have to stock up on snacks for when we are out. I'll just do this. I just thought perhaps someone had gotten through to a person who didn't regularly communicate these things.

The question was about communication, not about setting up a different system. DCUMers have trouble answering the actual questions regularly I've noticed.

Wow you sound so easy to get along with I’m shocked you’re having trouble w your mom!

She's over at our house every day and we spend weekends with her. We love her and she loves us. I just wanted some communication tactics for someone who has been a housewife and has never had to coordinate with another person.

NP. OP, here’s your answer, “ hey Mom. I appreciate all that you’re doing but it stresses me out when I don’t know whether you’ve prepared dinner on any given night. It makes it hard for me to plan ahead and the uncertainty is stressful. It would be a huge help if you give me a heads up in advance so i can plan ahead. Thanks, Mom. Love you.” Is this really so complicated for you?

Gosh if only I knew how to do that. This thread was finished pages ago. People do not post here for everyone's feels and vibes. Either help out or find another hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you come up with a weekly menu, buy the food and have cook is. Is this really such s hard problem to solve? I’m soory. I don’t understand why you are making this so complicated.

So do it all myself? No thanks. Already been discussed previously.

I really don't understand posters who come on just to make others feel bad and minimize their issue. Just feel sorry for your need to put others down and seek out ways to do so. I've never been on the family page before so just happen to have this one issue. It's complicated for me because I'm used to coordinating with another human and find it weird that she doesn't want to.

I didn’t say for you to do it all yourself. You literally can’t handle going food shopping once a week so your mom cooks the food you want? Are you intentionally being difficult and obtuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I found your OP hard to follow. I think you should consider whether you are communicating clearly. I think the communication issue could be on your end

[phone]. If you communicate as clearly as you write, no wonder you and your mom are having issues.

The conversation ended five pages ago but really it's about OP and not your need to add onto the hate with your extra zeros. The reason I didn't respond to several people is because it's so easy to just see from their own posts that this is all they like to do. Hate hate hate. This entire dcum website has gone downhill because of people like this. I just wanted to leave all their hate here so that maybe they can reflect on why on every page they need to put every hateful thought of theirs down into the computer or phone. If you don't have experience with the topic you don't have to post. If you don't like the person or think they are weird or whatever you don't have to post. If you have a hurtful thing to say, go for a run ro walk instead of posting it.

It was a simple request to figure out how to find out what she was buying. Not a mom verses grandma hate fest. You people are ridiculous.

To be fair - that is not what you asked. If this is what you think you asked, then I agree with others that it's maybe your communication skills that need work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's mother sounds like my mother, except our struggle is over communicating re timing. When she will arrive? When she left? Is she even coming? It's a constant game of gotcha.

This is a power dynamic. My mother refuses to tell me when she's left or ETA for anything, because she wants the control over the schedule. She thinks we should just be sitting around, waiting for whenever she will get here. When my father was alive he used to text me this info because he knew my mother wouldn't. I don't know if it's deliberate or subconscious, but it has caused so many problems in our relationship.

Unless your mother has some sort of cognitive issue she is perfectly able to tell you the info you need if you have asked her directly and specifically for it. But she won't and she's shown you this. That is who she is. She isn't going to change this. There are no task charts, YouTube videos, bullet check lists to get your mother to tell you about meals and groceries.

I suggest you get instacart and just stop dealing with this. You can either continue to play the victim in this game or lead and take control.

It isn't this. She has some cognitive issues and can only devote 1-2 hours a day and doesn't want to get sucked into more or have to be accountable. It is what it is. She can't plan well anymore or coordinate well. Fruits and snacks are bought. We are all set.

This seems like a critical piece of information that could have been shared in your original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I found your OP hard to follow. I think you should consider whether you are communicating clearly. I think the communication issue could be on your end

[phone]. If you communicate as clearly as you write, no wonder you and your mom are having issues.

The conversation ended five pages ago but really it's about OP and not your need to add onto the hate with your extra zeros. The reason I didn't respond to several people is because it's so easy to just see from their own posts that this is all they like to do. Hate hate hate. This entire dcum website has gone downhill because of people like this. I just wanted to leave all their hate here so that maybe they can reflect on why on every page they need to put every hateful thought of theirs down into the computer or phone. If you don't have experience with the topic you don't have to post. If you don't like the person or think they are weird or whatever you don't have to post. If you have a hurtful thing to say, go for a run ro walk instead of posting it.

It was a simple request to figure out how to find out what she was buying. Not a mom verses grandma hate fest. You people are ridiculous.

To be fair - that is not what you asked. If this is what you think you asked, then I agree with others that it's maybe your communication skills that need work.

This was the question. To try to figure out if there was a way to coordinate food purchases and deliveries in a way that didn't involve her texting or meeting up to discuss in a way that she doesn't like. That was it. No idea what you read into it. See below.

Should I just pretend we live in 1950 and I'm the working dad and do the fly-by-night coordination with my kids and figure stuff out when I get home or go out to McDonalds and forget about coordinating with her? Is there any youtube video like Fairplay that better discusses how to communicate with your spouse on tasks that you somewhat share? It's not working well and she thinks the receipt request is dumb. Sometimes the food arrives Monday. Other weeks Wednesday. Some weeks she's away and I have no idea what she buys and then I have to quickly try to put together a list for the week when it would be easier to go off the receipt. Sometimes she buys the same stuff and the kids complain and then I have to coordinate what they don't want and she gets angry because she's spent money. Sometimes we are left for days without snacks and I have to take trips to get snacks since the food hasn't come for the week. She's 70 so I don't really think she can change her ways too much. I know it's great she's buying the food and cooking a couple of times a week (she heats up frozen meals but it's still something). I just wish there wasn't so much ambiguity.

[Anonymous]

I'm merely posting because it's frustrating that no one can post here anymore without someone just going off their vibe or feel to post some dislike about a topic. Now I was reading people want to start an in-law page here because there is too much in-law hate and it's clogging up this category. Get off the hate and find something productive to do. If you are a married spouse who does all the shopping for their kids and doesn't need to coordinate on food with anyone much less Grandma who lives 2 states over, is it really necessary to post your hate about some single person's food choices or coordination with others? Or like the single mom who feels this need to tell everyone else how awful their food purchases are and express how put-together she is. Why? It's just plain old hate disguised in different ways. It's not helpful. It's not kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes, you are correct I need more of a stop gap. I do have frozen meals in the freezer. I have to stock up on snacks for when we are out. I'll just do this. I just thought perhaps someone had gotten through to a person who didn't regularly communicate these things.

The question was about communication, not about setting up a different system. DCUMers have trouble answering the actual questions regularly I've noticed.

Wow you sound so easy to get along with I’m shocked you’re having trouble w your mom!

She's over at our house every day and we spend weekends with her. We love her and she loves us. I just wanted some communication tactics for someone who has been a housewife and has never had to coordinate with another person.

NP. OP, here’s your answer, “ hey Mom. I appreciate all that you’re doing but it stresses me out when I don’t know whether you’ve prepared dinner on any given night. It makes it hard for me to plan ahead and the uncertainty is stressful. It would be a huge help if you give me a heads up in advance so i can plan ahead. Thanks, Mom. Love you.” Is this really so complicated for you?

Gosh if only I knew how to do that. This thread was finished pages ago. People do not post here for everyone's feels and vibes. Either help out or find another hobby.

OP. You are obviously nuts and a troll. You want us to believe that you are an overworked single Mon who has no time to feed her kids but has the timw to be trolling DCUM at like 3:30 pm on a Wednesday. Whatever OP. Go do your homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm merely posting because it's frustrating that no one can post here anymore without someone just going off their vibe or feel to post some dislike about a topic. Now I was reading people want to start an in-law page here because there is too much in-law hate and it's clogging up this category. Get off the hate and find something productive to do. If you are a married spouse who does all the shopping for their kids and doesn't need to coordinate on food with anyone much less Grandma who lives 2 states over, is it really necessary to post your hate about some single person's food choices or coordination with others? Or like the single mom who feels this need to tell everyone else how awful their food purchases are and express how put-together she is. Why? It's just plain old hate disguised in different ways. It's not helpful. It's not kind.

In all the time you're wasting here you could have done your own laundry and shopping instead of berating your poor mom with cognitive issues to hop to it and send her lazy daughter a text because she can't tell if the laundry is done. Your communication and time management skills need work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I found your OP hard to follow. I think you should consider whether you are communicating clearly. I think the communication issue could be on your end

[phone]. If you communicate as clearly as you write, no wonder you and your mom are having issues.

The conversation ended five pages ago but really it's about OP and not your need to add onto the hate with your extra zeros. The reason I didn't respond to several people is because it's so easy to just see from their own posts that this is all they like to do. Hate hate hate. This entire dcum website has gone downhill because of people like this. I just wanted to leave all their hate here so that maybe they can reflect on why on every page they need to put every hateful thought of theirs down into the computer or phone. If you don't have experience with the topic you don't have to post. If you don't like the person or think they are weird or whatever you don't have to post. If you have a hurtful thing to say, go for a run ro walk instead of posting it.

It was a simple request to figure out how to find out what she was buying. Not a mom verses grandma hate fest. You people are ridiculous.

To be fair - that is not what you asked. If this is what you think you asked, then I agree with others that it's maybe your communication skills that need work.

Hey intentionally difficult and obtuse troll OP. I already gave you perfect advice on how to discuss this with your Mom. Sorry you also are lacking in cognitive skills. You could have cooked about 10 meals in the time you’ve spent trolling in this thread. Do yourself and your kids a favor - its 4:33 pm. Go cook your kids dinner instead of responding with some other idiotic post.

This was the question. To try to figure out if there was a way to coordinate food purchases and deliveries in a way that didn't involve her texting or meeting up to discuss in a way that she doesn't like. That was it. No idea what you read into it. See below.

Should I just pretend we live in 1950 and I'm the working dad and do the fly-by-night coordination with my kids and figure stuff out when I get home or go out to McDonalds and forget about coordinating with her? Is there any youtube video like Fairplay that better discusses how to communicate with your spouse on tasks that you somewhat share? It's not working well and she thinks the receipt request is dumb. Sometimes the food arrives Monday. Other weeks Wednesday. Some weeks she's away and I have no idea what she buys and then I have to quickly try to put together a list for the week when it would be easier to go off the receipt. Sometimes she buys the same stuff and the kids complain and then I have to coordinate what they don't want and she gets angry because she's spent money. Sometimes we are left for days without snacks and I have to take trips to get snacks since the food hasn't come for the week. She's 70 so I don't really think she can change her ways too much. I know it's great she's buying the food and cooking a couple of times a week (she heats up frozen meals but it's still something). I just wish there wasn't so much ambiguity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm merely posting because it's frustrating that no one can post here anymore without someone just going off their vibe or feel to post some dislike about a topic. Now I was reading people want to start an in-law page here because there is too much in-law hate and it's clogging up this category. Get off the hate and find something productive to do. If you are a married spouse who does all the shopping for their kids and doesn't need to coordinate on food with anyone much less Grandma who lives 2 states over, is it really necessary to post your hate about some single person's food choices or coordination with others? Or like the single mom who feels this need to tell everyone else how awful their food purchases are and express how put-together she is. Why? It's just plain old hate disguised in different ways. It's not helpful. It's not kind.

In all the time you're wasting here you could have done your own laundry and shopping instead of berating your poor mom with cognitive issues to hop to it and send her lazy daughter a text because she can't tell if the laundry is done. Your communication and time management skills need work.

Seriously. Its 4:36 pm. Go cook your kids dinner instead of trolling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn the meaning of the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers.”

Your attitude in this thread is appalling.

Most of these people are just projecting their own issues. I have trouble with not liking my mom's cooking? Obviously someone who has some issue with someone in her family not liking her cooking or not feeling appreciated for it. This thread isn't even about cooking and she doesn't cook. She just heats up premade casseroles a couple or days a week that no one complains about.

That grandma I mentioned above helped out till the kids were in 5th grade. Then in the six years after she was mostly alone and got into conspiracy theory websites and ended up having a heart attack from reading some information about "liberals". It was very sad and the daughter who was also conservative admitted her mom spent too much time obsessing about politics and being online and they should have continued doing more with her. There are worse things in the world to do than shop for food for your grandchildren. While some posts encourage and ask for debate others are just asking for help like this one. Which I got and said I was all set only to have more hate piled on. If all you can do is play mother or grandma knows best in a mean way to someone you don't know that you have no direct experience with as an accomplishment for the day than you probably aren't helping yourself like you think you are and it's just going to raise up your cortisol levels like it did this grandma. Conspiracy theory websites can be dangerous and perhaps dcum even more so for some people.

Wait,you said you were leaving. “Adios,” remember"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stop relying on her for such a basic thing as food. Buy and cook your own food. Let Grandma be a grandma.

My husband is no longer with us and she's happy to do it. She's the one who suggested helping out this way and she's doing it so I'm not going to complain or buy and cook my own food when I have someone else to do it and the kids are thriving and I'm busy from morning to night with them and work. But thanks for not helping and being snarky.

Wow, you're sure defensive. I wasn't being snarky at all. What she's doing isn't helping. She's happy to do something that's not helpful. I am also a single mom, and feeding my kids fast food on any sort of regular (weekly/monthly) basis is unacceptable to me. I make time to buy food for myself and my kids. That's my responsibility as an adult and a parent to minor children. I take time to cook food and prep so we have things we can eat semi-quickly. If you're so hard up for money that you need this from your mom, maybe flip it and buy the food and let her reimburse you for it. But overall, her "help" is not "helping".

Well good for you, but most single moms would gladly welcome the money and help for food and I'm not going to give it up simply because I don't get a text from her saying she brought the food over. Pat yourself on the back. You seem good at it. I don't need your help since you already do everything yourself and aren't in my situation where you actually need the help.

NP. You sound like an entitled b*, OP. It's not wonder you're single. Btw, you can feed your kids' better food than McDonald's and 7-11 (ugh!) on a budget. How about think on it a bit and stop depending on mommy. I've been a single parent, too, and I put on my big girl pants and did the hard work.

You just seem like a b*

Lol! Thanks, OP! At least I'm a b* that can take care of my own kids!

I'm glad you have a positive trait to make up for the lack of kindness and any ability to help another person.

You are so desperately attention-starved. I hope you’re not actually a parent, because you sound like a 12-year-old.