Controlling mother + DH ongoing conflicts
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Anonymous
OP here. He can be mean to me during arguments and say things he later apologizes for. He said he needs to work on that but that’s not the main issue to resolve, ie, I need to not start arguments related to my parents and be better at setting boundaries/not taking their side all the time. I hear him but think we both have things we can do better. |
Anonymous
| I see this guy as being way insecure. The kind that only thinks he's a nice guy and can't see his shadow parts. |
Anonymous
She’s clearly not at that point of being ready to leave. She hasn’t accepted that he’s controlling yet. I wish people would be more gentle with OP, you’re going to make her feel worse and avoid this thread when it could be a source of needed support. I’ve been in love with a man like this and it can really mess with your head. |
Anonymous
| OP you are not seeing things clearly because you are in the midst of the drama. Your marriage is not healthy. Your husband is controlling and does not treat you well. See a therapist alone so you can gain some perspective. |
Anonymous
OP here. Yesterday I said I felt upset because I felt like he treats me like the enemy when I am trying to be supportive. He told me that’s because I am the enemy. |
Anonymous
That sounds so hurtful. Do you feel anxious around him when it comes to other things? Like you are walking on eggshells? |
Anonymous
OP, do you want children? Sorry if you already addressed that. |
Anonymous
In the encounter you posted, your mother was minimally at fault, if at all. Your husband was controlling, and a jerk. And, with the bolded comment above, he is gaslighting you. I would take him up on his suggestion. - a husband (and not one who typically joins the "divorce him" chorus - but his behavior is well on its way to being abusive) |
Anonymous
You should never be ok with a statement like this. Tell him there's the door if you want to leave. I'm looking for a partnership. |
Anonymous
No. This issue does not involve your parents. It looks like your husband is trying to isolate you from your family. You need some individual therapy, OP, with someone outside the presence of your husband who can give you advice. |
Anonymous
There are no sides to take when someone offers to wash dishes. It's not a problem that needs fixing. It's a fake problem. And it's not an interference in the relationship of your marriage. It's only a problem because your DH is overly controlling. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Individual and couple's counseling. Leave your parents alone. |
Anonymous
|
OP, can you not see how horrible your husband is? He referred to you as the enemy, he micromanages your correspondence with your mother, and he’s butt hurt over something that is not at all a big deal.
Think about this: you are in a knot because you put a heart emoji on a response that your mother sent. Think about how jacked up that is. I never say this but you should absolutely leave this guy. He told you that he’s not gonna have children with you until you “resolve “this issue with your mother??? OP, for the love of God look at this situation through a clear lens. Your husband is a total jerk and that’s the nicest thing I can say about him. |
Anonymous
| OP here. My DH saw the thread and said I missed all the relevant context about my parents and me not sticking up for him when they were mean and controlling over the last three years. I agree there is context here that posters might be overlooking and should consider. He said I don’t decide when something I’m upset about is resolved and that being direct is not mean. |