Controlling mother + DH ongoing conflicts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical DCUM posts about how you should get divorced. Like really , you’re going to get divorced over some text messages? Sure, there seem to be some issues and perhaps counseling is a good idea. But to actually divorce and for OP to possibly never have kids, seems extreme. Most people have issues and the next marriage (if there is one) would likely result in suggestions to divorce.

Oh hello DH

Not the DH but someone who is realistic about marriage and life. If OP gets divorced over this then she should make sure to never marry again. No one is perfect and everyone is going to have events in their marriage that if described on DCUM would result in everyone suggesting divorce.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Your husband is way out of line. If your parents are coming trolling, and I think that is a big IF, you seem to have married someone who has even stronger controlling tendencies. You seem afraid of him. Are you in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh in this example your DH is the controlling person. Each of your mothers responses come off as perfectly kind and understanding. Your husband had some serious issues he needs to work on if helping with the dishes blows up into this.

+1

You sound immature and your husband sounds like a controlling drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Stop discussing important issues over texts. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical DCUM posts about how you should get divorced. Like really , you’re going to get divorced over some text messages? Sure, there seem to be some issues and perhaps counseling is a good idea. But to actually divorce and for OP to possibly never have kids, seems extreme. Most people have issues and the next marriage (if there is one) would likely result in suggestions to divorce.

Oh hello DH

Not the DH but someone who is realistic about marriage and life. If OP gets divorced over this then she should make sure to never marry again. No one is perfect and everyone is going to have events in their marriage that if described on DCUM would result in everyone suggesting divorce.

This is not a regular argument or a typical disagreement between spouses. I agree that a lot of posters throw around divorce carelessly on dcum but the things DH said coupled with his unrealistic expectations and his extremely controlling behavior is seriously concerning. This is absolutely not someone I would want to have children and parent with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop discussing important issues over texts. Grow up.

"Important issue?"

The person who needs to "grow up" is a grown man throwing an ongoing, multiple week temper tantrum about the MIL doing some frigging dishes.

[Anonymous]

I’m convinced this is a troll but if not, OP needs to divorce asap. What an ahole her DH is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom passed away a few years ago. Seeing how the DH spoke to the mom made me especially sad. If my mom was still around I know my DH would be kind to her, even though she could be a lot!

OP, you deserve better.

OP here. It does make me very sad. I wish DH could accept my mom's apology and be a little nicer and forgiving. He says maybe I should find someone else who is willing to put up with being controlled by my parents. I feel like it is possible to set boundaries, accept apologies when they are broken, and be kind.

I have not read this whole thread but OP, your husband’s controlling behavior is a major red flag. I agree with the other posters. I don’t know why you are accepting his policing of your communications with your parents, his behavior towards your mother over mundane dishwashing, and his holding children over your head as it relates to your parents, but this is crazy. Manipulative controlling men (people) have a way of finding people that will bend their will. You are already married, so I won’t scream leave, but you have got to address your behavior and why you allow yourself and your family to be treated like this. Is it self-esteem, was he your only boyfriend, where you running away from something bad into something worse? Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Any advice on what to do in this particular situation to make things better? Our marriage counselor does family therapy. Is that something people recommend I include my parents join us for?

No. This issue does not involve your parents.

It looks like your husband is trying to isolate you from your family. You need some individual therapy, OP, with someone outside the presence of your husband who can give you advice.

Exactly this. I se a dark and lonely road for you without family or friends if you don’t assert control over your own life, not your parents or your husband. Are you all part of a religious community? Because I am getting the vibe that you agree that your husband should be lording over you like this.

[Anonymous]

Now you guys are being controlling.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds awful. The most concerning is how he’s policing your communication with your mom. Less concerning, but extremely annoying, is how he can’t accept two separate apologies from your mother. He sent yet another text on a subject that should now be closed. He’s controlling, he holds grudges, he will find fault with everything your mom does, and he’s convinced you that he’s the victim in all of this. I hope you run, but I’m sure you won’t. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I think you three sound perfect for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your mother is a saint. My MIL is the one whose husband died a year before I met DH (her oldest). She's screamed that I should commit suicide for staying with him (he's infertile), made me miss my own rehearsal dinner, called me ugly (she was last to marry 12 years after my grandma of the same age) and dumb (she's never got into college) and lazy (I was the breadwinner making double her son) etc. She sexually and physically harasses me planting size 44 underwear (I am size 0) in a bed saying were (falsely) premaritally shagging to slut shame me. She forces me to get my stuff upstairs when she knew about my crutches to debilitate me for days with knee pain. My MIL won't apologize, she just lies to cover her butt.

You and DH should cut her some slack. A hearted apology and washing dishes? That sounds positively angelic. Do you have a single brother OP?

Good god why did you marry into this?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical DCUM posts about how you should get divorced. Like really , you’re going to get divorced over some text messages? Sure, there seem to be some issues and perhaps counseling is a good idea. But to actually divorce and for OP to possibly never have kids, seems extreme. Most people have issues and the next marriage (if there is one) would likely result in suggestions to divorce.

You must not have understood the dynamic then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's already told you you might not get his present (sperm) if you are not good enough

Where was this mentioned?

From OP's first post:

"My DH has made it clear that he doesn't want kids with me until this issue is resolved, which I understand."

You should not want kids with someone like him.