Controlling mother + DH ongoing conflicts

[Anonymous]

OP. Don’t be surprised when this behavior turns towards you instead of your mom

[Anonymous]

What are the links you posted? Are they posts written by your dh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the links you posted? Are they posts written by your dh?

OP here. Yes they were

[Anonymous]

Boundaries are SO important to maintaining a healthy parent/adult child relationship. Your DH is not setting boundaries, he is being controlling and looking for reasons to bully your mother. Not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t heart a text before consulting with your spouse? Crazy

+1. Major major red flag. You don’t have kids, I would seriously consider your partnership with this person and cut ties if he is this controlling now.

OP here. I don't think this is controlling. I suggested it after a huge fight when I texted my mom behind his back. We agreed that to set a united front, that we would both do this going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the links you posted? Are they posts written by your dh?

OP here. Yes they were

He is using language he learned in therapy to exert control and manipulate you. He is not setting boundaries or communicating in a healthy way. He has every right to set boundaries around how often or long he can visit your parents, he has no right to get this upset over the dishes and control your texting.

[Anonymous]

OP, please consider individual therapy. Your DH’s behavior is very, very odd. I’m a little controlling myself (working on it) and even I cannot imagine policing/reviewing my spouse’s texts. Whatever history is there does not justify his actions toward you and your family.

[Anonymous]

My mom passed away a few years ago. Seeing how the DH spoke to the mom made me especially sad. If my mom was still around I know my DH would be kind to her, even though she could be a lot!

OP, you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t heart a text before consulting with your spouse? Crazy

+1. Major major red flag. You don’t have kids, I would seriously consider your partnership with this person and cut ties if he is this controlling now.

OP here. I don't think this is controlling. I suggested it after a huge fight when I texted my mom behind his back. We agreed that to set a united front, that we would both do this going forward.

He's controlling. The whole idea of running texts to your own mom by your spouse is scary. Just because you are willing to appease him by doing this doesn't mean you aren't being controlled.

It sounds like you grew up with some bad dynamics and you have replicated them in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t heart a text before consulting with your spouse? Crazy

+1. Major major red flag. You don’t have kids, I would seriously consider your partnership with this person and cut ties if he is this controlling now.

OP here. I don't think this is controlling. I suggested it after a huge fight when I texted my mom behind his back. We agreed that to set a united front, that we would both do this going forward.

And you can’t get on the same page without him reading your communications with your mother? You heart reacted. In what world is that an overstep? I genuinely feel horrible for you but he is objectively behaving in a way that is controlling.

[Anonymous]

I see someone not that comfortable with family. The only issue I see in your parents is that they talked bad about your spouse or his family and that is a huge failure on their part. The rest is all your husbands unnecessary drama. He needs to get to the bottom of what he’s afraid of. Good luck with that. In the meantime have your family help out in certain areas and tell him to back off unless it’s help in these specific areas he has a problem with that he seems then overstepping. It can’t be every time dad goes outside to fix the hose when you were planning on buying a new one or mom does the laundry a different way.

[Anonymous]

I just got halfway through your post and had to stop reading. Your DH is controlling and way out of line. I’ll take a break and continue reading but it was too much...I was cringing. Your DH is a pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom passed away a few years ago. Seeing how the DH spoke to the mom made me especially sad. If my mom was still around I know my DH would be kind to her, even though she could be a lot!

OP, you deserve better.

OP here. It does make me very sad. I wish DH could accept my mom's apology and be a little nicer and forgiving. He says maybe I should find someone else who is willing to put up with being controlled by my parents. I feel like it is possible to set boundaries, accept apologies when they are broken, and be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t heart a text before consulting with your spouse? Crazy

+1. Major major red flag. You don’t have kids, I would seriously consider your partnership with this person and cut ties if he is this controlling now.

OP here. I don't think this is controlling. I suggested it after a huge fight when I texted my mom behind his back. We agreed that to set a united front, that we would both do this going forward.

No. You have a right to text your mother without anyone else knowing about it. Your husband is the controlling perpetrator here.

OP, my husband is a control-freak, but at least I realize it and I'm fighting it with all I've got. You are clearly brain-washed and need serious help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom passed away a few years ago. Seeing how the DH spoke to the mom made me especially sad. If my mom was still around I know my DH would be kind to her, even though she could be a lot!

OP, you deserve better.

OP here. It does make me very sad. I wish DH could accept my mom's apology and be a little nicer and forgiving. He says maybe I should find someone else who is willing to put up with being controlled by my parents. I feel like it is possible to set boundaries, accept apologies when they are broken, and be kind.

Yes, indeed you should. What money do you have? You need to get out. Please tell me you don't have kids together. And please don't marry anyone else until you're sure you're not attracting the same type of man.